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CARLOS XUMA -
DATING ADVICE FOR MEN NEWSLETTER: |
The TRUTH About Dating and Attraction...
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Thursday, 12:20 AM: Carlos Xuma's Desk...
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"LET'S STAY IN TOUCH":
I have a question about what seems to be the dreaded "Let's keep in touch" and/or "call me sometime" remark at the end of a first meeting. The last 4 girls did that and all ended up blowing me off.
I even had one girl who I met at a Tony Robbins seminar who I spent some time with ask me to go running with her and she reinforced that request a day later and even asked me for my schedule a few days later on the email....only to blow me off. I suspect she was seeing someone else and he won her over. There were hints from my conversations with her and she was a "9" on my scale and probably most other guys scales. Hell, I personally saw her get hit on 4 times. I also had another girl who emailed me after the meeting saying she had a lot of fun....only to blow me off...So just like you say "NEXT".
Anyway, I'm pretty sure I'm behaving the right way on these meetings and keep in mind they are cold contacts, so maybe that has something to do with it.
Last week I had a first meeting I met from online. She's cute and it seemed like we had a little chemistry. At the end when I hugged her goodbye she said..."let's keep in touch and call me sometime" and it seemed like in a not so genuine manner (No, it's not my current conditioning:-)).
I just smiled and laughed inside. Just thinking wow where did I hear that before. I left her a voice mail two days later just saying It was good meeting you and yes, I would like to keep in touch, so what I'll do is call you next week......
It would be nice to see her again, but I decided NOT to call her. First, I don't NEED to see her and 2) If she wants to see me well she has my email and phone #. I'm not that frustrated, but a little burned out on this certain BS behavior.
Hey man, if it was not for your materials I'd be tearing my hair out like I used a year ago. Would you call her? Have you experienced what I'm experiencing? ie multiple girls saying they want to see you again only to blow you off.
Your feedback and advice as always is greatly appreciated.
AM
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CARLOS: Blow-offs are inevitable. Don't worry about them, or focus on them. Just work right past them. Your attitude is right on about this, man. If they don't want to play in your pool, NEXT!
Let me give you an analogy:
Ever drive through a parking lot and have to go over a ridiculous number of speed bumps just to get to the other side?
I do. In the parking lot where my studio is, I regularly stop over at a food place that's about a 1/4 mile away. But there are over 14 speed bumps if you follow the front of the plaza. It's like off-roading through a minefield.
I dread that journey, even in my Jeep.
It becomes something you dread and you avoid. So instead of dreading this, I chose a different path through the center. I go the longer route so that I only hit 2 of them.
And now I'm happier.
But any day now, they could throw in 10 more speed bumps on my new route. And I'd just have to learn to live with it.
The moral of my story?
The only way to improve your blow-off ratio is to understand one thing very clearly: Women are flakier than a 3-day old croissant.
If you improve your game up-front, you can improve your hitting ratio. But you will always have women that don't pan out.
STOP FOCUSING ON THEM! Start increasing the numbers so that you get more successes and the flakey dames are forgotten faster than you can say, "Write down your phone number."
Ignore the speed bumps, or avoid them COMPLETELY.
I've gone through many women doing the blow-off thing. And if you pay attention (which it sounds like you're able to now that you know what to watch out for), you'll discover that you know when they're going to do this to you if you watch for the signs.
The key is to TURN UP THE HEAT as high as they can stand it during the first meeting. You need to create an exciting and sexually stimulating interaction with her, full of intense fun that will have her squirting pee if you're doing it right.
I'm serious here!
Get her so amped up about the interaction that she simply MUST see you again. That's the best way to avoid blow-off.
In other words, don't just meet her for coffee, even if that's what you're doing on the OUTSIDE.
You have to make it THE most stimulating coffee date she's ever had by teasing her, making her laugh, making her think, and giving her a ROCKING emotional ride with you.
I'll bet that even though there was some attraction going on, things didn't move along quite as well as they needed to on that meeting of yours.
I'm going to cover more of these skills in the next few Audio Coaching sessions. We're going to cover storytelling and other strategies to turn the most boring and mundane situations to your advantage. It's all about escalating the sexual tension until it's unbearable. You'll either have her jumping YOU for the kiss, or she'll have to leave to escape it. And if she does, good riddance.
So the key is to not let the blow-offs rattle you. 90% of all chicks do this, and it comes with the territory. The best you can do is to keep AMPing up those interactions you have when you do meet with them.
Oh, and don't ever let a woman get away with the insulting phrase of "let's keep in touch." Bust her balls on it a little. And keep in mind that it's a dead giveaway that she's not interested. If she were, she'd be telling you when she wants to see you again...
CONTINUED...
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CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE...
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INTERNET = BAD
Ok, getting numbers is easy, but the first meeting is giving me a bit of trouble...
My usual routine when first interacting with a girl I am interested in is to introduce myself, tease her, and use some push/pull techniques, which works like a charm in drawing her interest, and I get her screen name and number.
A few days later I contact them, and build rapport with them over the internet, but it doesn't seem to work so well when I suggest meeting up at so and so's to have coffee etc. I almost come off a little too cocky over the internet and I think this is a problem. Should I avoid talking online before getting to know a women really well?
Or sometimes if I call a woman and we hang out, then start to talk online, I think they get the wrong impression and things go sour. It's as though teasing over the internet is too complicated.
Advice?
And if I call them for the meeting they seem to flake out. What am I doing to kill the attraction when I first call or instant message her?
CARLOS:
Stop going backwards with women.
By reverting to "instant messaging" you're ruining the chemistry. Stop using the internet to interact. This is where you're going wrong.
After you've met a woman in person, every meeting after that (with a few exceptions for phone) should all be in person. THAT is where you deepen the sense of connection.
Rapport and attraction are not built from watching letters appear on a screen. They come from direct, face-to-face interaction where you can physically touch another human being.
A woman will only meet with a guy that they feel they have something to gain with. A guy that they feel INVESTED in.
Think about it from her perspective: What have you done to make her want you?
Because if she isn't hot and bothered over you, she's not motivated to keep seeing you. Plain and simple.
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IMPORTANT: I'm currently screening for 8 men to participate in my Alpha Immersion Workshop in early 2006. If you'd like to be considered for this special workshop (and in-field training), be sure to email me your contact information right away!
advice at datingdynamics.com
AMOGs, Conflicts, and Seminars:
Wussap carlos! First off, let me thank you for all the kick ass advice you provide for us guys on your pod cast every week. I also have a copy of your alpha male book and I love it.
I was wondering if you were going to throw any workshops or in-field workshops anytime soon. If you were planning to I would like to know what they will cover and what they will be about. I was hoping that besides covering dating and women that you will cover how to be more socially presentable at parties, conventions, or at work.
I was also hoping that you would also cover AMOG tactics. I read from your book that you teach martial arts and I am very interested in how you handle AMOGS or assholes in the club trying to start a conflict with you or your women and how to effectively handle such a situation. I also practice marital arts but I have never been in such confrontations and I would like to use my wits and verbal martial arts instead of any physical violence.
Let me know, peace.
CARLOS:
Well, truth be told, I am planning for a seminar here in San Francisco in the early part of 2006. (Which - for you guys who are screaming out "that's next year!" - is actually right around the corner.)
I'm letting you know now to email me if you want to be a part of this seminar. We'll be doing classroom and an in-field workshop doing approaches and talking to women.
AMOGS aren't generally a problem for me. The reason is that AMOGs show up when they think they've got something to prove by blowing out your game. I can disarm almost any person in just a few seconds, and I'm not talking about physical disarming. You only have to keep your wits about you and use a little conversational Aikido (martial art of turning your opponent's energy against him) to avoid 99.99% of all fights.
Having the confidence that I CAN handle these situations leads to having a calming effect on my interactions with these kinds of guys, which then lowers the grunt-factor quite a bit. I don't feel threatened, so I'm able to convey a cool, suave personality to the woman.
Some guys think that AMOGs are being Alpha, but they're really not. They're just pesky annoyances to swat away with your sense of self-confidence. An AMOGs game is easy to bust because it's so transparent.
Social skills are really what all this dating and seduction material relates to. Ultimately, your social skill is your primary determinant as to how successful you'll be in life.
If you'd like to learn more about social dominance and being a REAL Alpha Man, take a look at THIS....
A lot of guys wonder how to "read" women, as well as how to develop their skills to improve their dating life.
To do this you need the complete picture for you to succeed in the long-term.
Perhaps you'd like to know the mindset of the men that take no crap from any man, woman, child, or small furry mammal.
First of all, you need my e-book - The Dating Black Book. I've packed this e-book with HUNDREDS of examples, tips, strategies, explanations, what to say, what to do, how to interpret situations, and how to clean up that stinkin' thinkin' ...
Get it here:
https://www.datingdynamics.com
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Oh, and I've got an e-book and 6-CD audio program you'll want to have a look at, too. This program covers every part of your self-confidence and INNER game.
You can see this life-changing program here:
http://www.alphaseduction.com
This new e-book and audio will guide you through exercises, tips, and strategies for changing your life RIGHT NOW. It's not just about getting more women (even though that's a really great side-effect of this program), but we show you the way to a more successful LIFE - business, family, social, financial... everything!
I've even thrown in a few extra bonuses that you're going to want to grab with this offer, too. I've spent the last year creating this great program, including the best of our Advanced Audio Coaching Sessions, with 34 all new tracks specifically aimed at this topic, and HUNDREDS of pages of new advice on how to get your game together with women.
You can see the complete list of contents here at:
http://www.alphaseduction.com
If you get the program right away, I'll send you the 393 page e-book RIGHT AWAY so you can get started... AND I'll even send you a link to join the Alpha Man Forum - a special user group where you can exchange information and tips with other Alpha Men.
Just remember: Every man is self-made, but only the SUCCESSFUL admit it.
I'll be back with more advice soon ...
- Carlos
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CONTINUED...
______________________
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Listen to what they're saying...
"I LOVE your Secrets of the Alpha Man program. It is by far the best overall e-book and audio program online that I have read....and I have done my research and read all the popular e-books and what not.
"I already was having a lot of success prior to the program but my success has doubled since reading the e-book and listening to the audio." - D.
"... About your Alpha Man program... It's bad ass. I'm only halfway through the book (200pgs) and halfway through the CD's. It's really phenomenal..." - T. T.
"Carlos, I purchased the Alpha Male program recently and I must say it's the best investment I have ever made in my own personal development. I have had seeds of thought and insight on some of things you talk about in the books and tapes, but now I'm getting a fuller picture of what it takes to be a real man. It's incredible..." - B., Colorado
"Hey Carlos ... Listen, I want to thank you for all of your work in these CDs and e-books. I've only had them for about a week and I've already made some major breakthroughs. You opened my eyes in being an Alpha Male.
"I was recently getting to know this girl... and I was being the "nice guy." Boy! the way you described the steps a man goes through to get to "she's the one for me" is right on target! I was able to step back... put her in her place on the phone and in person--it felt GREAT (so empowering!). I ended up not liking who she is and have moved on since.
"Also, I went to a club the other day... and I usually don't because I don't know how to dance that great--but I did anyway. I applied your exercise where you don't look at the final outcome... you just take the first step... and be an alpha man there.
"Well, I felt powerful and by the end of the night I was leading this girl around the club by her hand (taking charge), ordering two beers and sitting down with her with my arm around her like an alpha man should. She was so into our conversation and I felt like I was totally in charge.
"Oh, and yes... I danced with 5 gorgeous girls that we had dinner with. Damn! it was good.
Carlos... seriously... thanks!"
- 'D' Los Angeles, CA
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The secrets of compelling communication and persuasion are easy to learn.
Most guys don't approach women because they haven't got the SKILLS to APPROACH WOMEN. Once you have them, you'll feel less anxious and you'll actually DO IT.
It's time to learn the TRUTH about women ... and attraction.
It's all about your Inner Game...
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Discover your inner Alpha Man - NOW
Click HERE to learn more...
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Listen to what the other gurus are saying about Carlos' work...
"I've read every book and studied every system on dating. The problem with most 'gurus' in this field is that they're not teaching men how to build a solid foundation. Until you change your internal belief system and adopt an Alpha mindset, all the
tactics and techniques in the world aren't going to do you any good. (Actually, it's like learning just enough karate to get your ass kicked!) Carlos Xuma is the best there is at teaching men how to develop their 'inner game.' From
there, he'll give you the complete set of tools for approaching women, and life, with absolute confidence and skill. If you're in this game to win it, these are the rules you need to learn."
- "Supreme", M.A.C.K. Tactics co-creator
"Carlos Xuma is a man who has a clear passion for imparting the success with women he has experienced to other guys worldwide. He approaches his craft with immense integrity and a distinct style!"
- Scot McKay, X & Y Communications, DeserveWhatYouWant.com
"Carlos Xuma is the REAL DEAL! If you are serious about creating an extraordinary relationship. You will learn more about the needs and desires of women than they do themselves! I highly recommend
Carlos to any man who is ready to get the woman of his dreams. I love his game, its 100% real."
- The Dean, Dating4Men.com
"Carlos Xuma is one of those rare guys in the field who actually GETS what interacting with women is all about. His advice goes beyond the pick-up lines and approach techniques that so many guys use and fail with. Rather, Carlos gives guys everywhere practical,
valuable advice that will make men attractive not just for one night, but for many, many years. He lays down the foundation for becoming a NATURALLY attractive man, full of confidence and the ability to fully ENJOY being around hot babes.
Unlike other pickup artists, Carlos shares information that helps you not only in one area of life, but in many: in social relationships, at work, sports, with personal goals. He'll help make you a well-rounded, self-believing alpha MAN who's capable of just
about anything. And seducing gorgeous, high-quality women, is just the beginning."
- James Brito, How to Be Irresistible to Women
"Carlos Xuma is one of the few men in the 'seduction' or 'attraction' community who digs beneath the surface of passing attraction, and Explores what it is to be a man who attracts women by virtue of his character and, consequently, the natural outward expression of high character.
He brings words like 'discipline' and 'integrity' to the forefront, and waddya know, those are exactly the qualities women truly crave in a man."
- Grant Adams, CEO - net2bed.com
"Hey Carlos, I write about the biology of men and women's behavior. You seem to know the biology of behavior without knowing it. How do you do that? You have a deep intuition of dynamics - it took me 7 years of academic research to discover. And you find sharp ways to apply it practically... Keep up the good work, brother."
- Joe Quirk, Author of "Sperm are from Men, Eggs are from Women"
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