The TRUTH About Dating and Attraction...

Wednesday, 11:15 PM: Carlos Xuma's Desk...

QUESTION:

Hi Carlos!

I have a question to ask you. I am a freshmen in college and I have attended a lot of parties. I have guy friends who are very good looking and a lot of other good looking guys attend these parties. I just feel when I am at these parties all the girls seem to shift their attention on these guys and I feel isolated and just feel like I am invisible around these ladies (a lot of hot girls attend these parties). Sometimes with the music going on its hard to start a conversation with these girls (but it is possible).

Even if I try to start a conversation sometimes a girl will give me a weird look. Afterwards, I feel unwanted and start telling myself some negative things (I have improved a lot on self talk though :).

My question to you is how do I handle these types of situations (sometimes its not even a party, sometimes its just a gathering)? What can I do differently with my behavior to seek attention from these really attractive women? I want to get the attention that these attractive looking guys get

Carlos, please help. Thank You.

CARLOS ANSWERS:

Hey, I hear you about this. It's easy to feel that you're somehow SPECIAL.

Yeah, a lot of guys think that they're SPECIAL. They're so special that women are somehow singling them out as being undesirable.

Mostly, though, it's just a guy's overactive (and faulty) imagination. And a whole load of bad programming created by negative self-talk.

The main problem with what you're asking me is this:

"What can I do differently with my behavior to SEEK attention from these really attractive women? I want to GET the attention that these attractive looking guys get."

You're SEEKING attention, instead of BEING worthy of attention. You're trying to GET attention, instead of being confident and present.

Trying to get attention is like the kid in the school yard who did a somersault and yelled out "Hey, everybody! Look at ME!"

You hated that little dork just for his neediness.

Yes, I realize you're not doing somersaults, but you are thinking from the wrong side, and so your actions will have a certain stench of NEED instead of independence and coolness.

An Alpha Man needs to have his sh*t together in a way that keeps him from SEEKING any man, woman, or small furry mammal's attention.

You dig me, brutha?

CONTINUED...

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You are jumping into this game with the attitude that you must somehow dance and sing in a particular way to gain attention.

In fact, what you must do is just present the real YOU with such utter conviction and security that they will be interested.

It's difficult to read what specifically to change, but there are probably many small tweaks that would improve your game.

Here's a few suggestions:

1) Have a good story to tell a woman. Knowing how to converse is a big portion of the game. (I cover this extensively in the e-books, and in a more detailed section of the Alpha Man set.)

2) Stop trying to GET. Instead, start up your curiosity about the women you're interested in. Start asking good open ended questions that get her interested in you.

3) Start teasing and busting chops. You're not using my Tease to Please strategy at all. I can tell. You're probably shying away from it without even trying it. Trust me, it works. You have to balance your interest in her with a certain amount of qualification.

4) Stop SEEKING. Instead, start BEING, and then let her enjoy the joys of being in your presence.

It's a complete turnaround from the way you've been thinking.

But it's absolutely necessary for you to succeed with women. You'll never get them with the frame of mind that you've been using up to now, so it's time to start getting radical.

QUESTION:

Your new haggling article is awesome stuff! It really helped me put things into perspective. I have a few questions.

How do I establish a "price" I am willing to pay when it comes to choosing girls? How do I let her know that I am THE shit and that I can drop her anytime and find a better woman at will, at her loss?

I think it boils down to this... A vendor wants a customer for their money, and they sell products that interest a customer into buying. If a woman is like a vendor, they must want something from the customer.

What do they offer to sell and what do they want in return? I would really appreciate any advice that you can give me. Your article is mind-blowing. I've never thought of it that way.

Thanks, Tim

CARLOS ANSWERS:

This is a very good analysis by a new student. (The "haggling" article he refers to is an article of mine from a ways back, and it's now included in the new Alpha Man e-book.)

Your price is a function of your belief about yourself. It's communicated on a level that comes through your words and body language no matter what you do.

What too many men do to spoil their value to women is market themselves like a cheap pair of sneakers on sale at K-mart.

Instead, think about marketing yourself like a product that she has to EARN. You're valuable.

That's right. Guys are GIVING AWAY the store instead of driving up the DEMAND.

You need to start getting her thinking about EARNING YOU, instead of lifting you out of the bottom of the "on sale" bin. (NO woman wants what comes too easily.)

Your vendor analogy is very apt. Think about what real life companies * (the HIGH quality ones) do to drive up desire for their products.

- They create anticipation. They never compare themselves to other products (sign of insecurity)

- They tease and give you a hint of the power of their product.

- They show you happy people enjoying that product and HAVING FUN with and around that product.

- They NEVER beg you to buy their product.

- They always display the VALUE of the product, not the price. And the PRICE is always one that says, "I'm SPECIAL, and you'll have to work a little harder to get me." Nobody values the car they were given on their 16th birthday. But everyone remembers the car they had to scrape up the money to buy themselves.

(My first car was a little Chevy that I had to COMPLETELY rebuild the engine. It took over a month, but I treated it like it was my own firstborn child. I was INVESTED in that car.)

- They always display the product in the best possible way - meaning that it's good PRESENTATION (dress nice, keep yourself clean and neat, and stay in shape.) Really expensive food with a great presentation always tastes better. It's a trick of the mind.

- They always drive up demand for the product by telling you how scarce it is (supplies are limited.)

- They always display their product as an item of PRESTIGE, meaning you have to be SOMEBODY SPECIAL to get this product and own it.

The key here is that you must never be obvious about your "I'm the SHIT" attitude, because that comes across as arrogant, and it only attracts the most insecure women.

A lot of guys don't really understand how to do this. As a result, they start bragging and trying to display their value through all kinds of superficial and lame methods, and women see right through them.

In fact, the ways you think you're attracting women by trying to communicate your value (like being "nice," buying her things like dinner or gifts, or telling her about your exploits) DO NOT WORK.

You have to find your value first and then project it as an Alpha Man would.

In fact, I created a program especially focused on building up your SELF-CONFIDENCE so that you can establish your value, believe in it, and then communicate it to women.

But if you don't have it already, you should get my Dating Black Book e-book right away. This e-book program provides you with the inside knowledge to understand and get more women in your life.

Download it here:
/ebookstore.htm

And if you're ready to take the next step to start becoming the man you were meant to be, you have to look at my latest program.

It's my Secrets of the Alpha Man program.

There are a lot of skills that you need these days to pull in a quality woman. And I explain the finer details to you, including some of these contradictions in my e-books.

How many times have you heard this:

"A man must be confident."

Or,

CONTINUED...

______________________

"Nice Guys just don't get laid."

The Nice Guy SEEMS like what women want, but he's not.

The reason is that the "nice guy" she says she wants is actually just a guy who won't emotionally hurt her, while giving her the ability to feel safe.

But he still sets up boundaries of acceptable behavior, and he knows the "nice" thing is often the ASSERTIVE thing. The CONFIDENT thing.

And you're still no closer to understanding HOW to drive up your confidence, either.

Are you ready to start learning how to dramatically improve your self-confidence with real, time-proven methods?

Are you ready to drop that lame "Nice Guy" routine and start being a real Alpha Man?

I just completed a brand-new e-book and 6-CD audio program that you have been waiting for.

We've got a new site at: http://www.alphaseduction.com

This book covers all aspects of overcoming your shyness, fears, and insecurities with women (and with life) and gets you on the path to total self-confidence.

This new e-book and audio will guide you through exercises, tips, and strategies for changing your life RIGHT NOW. It's not just about getting more women (even though that's a really great side-effect of this program), but we show you the way to a more successful LIFE - business, family, social, financial... everything!

I've even thrown in a few extra bonuses that you're going to want to grab with this offer, too. I've spent the last year creating this great program, including the best of our Advanced Audio Coaching Sessions, all new tracks specifically aimed at this topic, and hundreds of pages of new advice on how to get your game together with women.

You can see the complete list of contents here at:
http://www.alphaseduction.com

If you order today, I'll send you the 393 page e-book RIGHT AWAY so you can get started.

Just remember: Every man is self-made, but only the SUCCESSFUL admit it.

Use the Advanced Audio Coaching to help you build on that knowledge and take your success to the extreme. Imagine having a coach giving you tips, strategies, and a complete breakdown on how to improve your technique and success with women - first hand.

If you haven't heard of it yet, the Advanced Audio Coaching could be the best thing you get for yourself this year. This monthly audio program will coach you through even the most tricky situations with women, with audio examples and so much more. Take a look at what's in this month's session 15:

- Sophistication - How to communicate sophistication to women and appeal to their inner dreams. How to attract her interest with your higher level tastes. How this develops to stronger rapport with every woman. With Examples.
- COURAGE - How to find the guts to approach women: The mental game of developing the right mindset to approach ANY woman. Re-framing and the four reasons you MUST approach her. With examples.
- MALE/FEMALE interaction - Why it's both bad and good to have women as friends. How to break the cycle of endless female friendship. How to increase your experience with women through research and increased interactions. How to read, interpret, and learn from female behavior to recognize patterns. The psychology of rejection fear, and how to break it. Finding the right way to take action. Finding patterns and common threads in female behavior.
- Contentious women - The test you may not realize you were getting. When a woman gains control of the conversation, and the Lose-Lose Test. How to counter with moral dilemma questions. With examples.
- How to impress a woman by presenting a "unique frame" - Here's an explanation of how those guys with the really unique angle on life attract women. We discuss how to present your personality in the most favorable light. How to demonstrate your passion and enthusiasm to trigger her interest. How to model others' behaviors and use for yourself. How to demonstrate presence and a unique philosophy. How to present without bragging.
- Playboy Exercise - How to discipline your eye contact and focus when talking with women. A complete exercise with examples.
- The "Old Friend" Approach and Mindset - A time-tested method for gaining trust and rapport with women. How to immediately place yourself in a zone of familiarity with a woman. Granting her emotional "credit."
- The role of Attraction and Trust - How much do you reveal about yourself to a woman while still maintaining mystery? How to qualify HER through the effective attitude of satisfying your own curiosity. The new "lipstick test" to find out what kind of personality she has.
- Emotional Intelligence - CONCLUSION - The necessary mental attitudes you must have to be successful. How to cut yourself off from failure through the cultivation of these success habits. The components of complete mental and physical fitness. Discovering what motivates you. The one essential trait of all great Alpha Men.
AND MUCH MORE!

You can download it here:
/audioprog.htm

You can listen to this audio RIGHT NOW on your PC or Mac, and you can even use your MP3 player to take the learning and go mobile. Put it on your i-pod!

Is there ANYTHING else worth learning more than how to be successful with women?

Thanks...

- Carlos

The secrets of compelling communication and persuasion are easy to learn.

Most guys don't approach women because they haven't got the SKILLS to APPROACH WOMEN. Once you have them, you'll feel less anxious and you'll actually DO IT.

It's time to learn the TRUTH about women ... and attraction.

It's all about your Inner Game...

Discover your inner Alpha Man - NOW

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