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CARLOS XUMA -
DATING ADVICE FOR MEN NEWSLETTER:
The TRUTH About Dating and Attraction...
Wednesday, 10:00 PM: Carlos Xuma's Desk...
QUESTION: When you start to get negative and bitter
Hiya Carlos,
Personally I used to have little success, then got some success, then got misogynistic, then had a big period of pausing and depression.
Now having recovered from that depression period, I am back on the fast curve, and so is my friend. Now, the more women we're meeting, getting numbers from, the more misogynistic we're getting.
All those ideas of "WOMEN are such ****!", "Why can't they appreciate more of what we do" "It's so f***** EASY for them ... " "All they do is show up, and get whatever they want, and we have to do all this work".
We even get images of verbally and *EVEN* physically putting down women. All they do is complain about how men don't get it, and mock men for being "clods". All I want is some "RESPECT". It's ok to not want what we men are offering, but at least be respectful about the role we men are playing.
Got any tips? :)
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CARLOS XUMA'S ADVICE:
I think Billy Joel said it best:
"Then she'll carelessly cut you
And laugh while you're bleedin'
But she'll bring out the best
And the worst you can be
Blame it all on yourself
Cause she's always a woman to me..."
Blame it all on yourself, because she's just being her nature. You must be better than your nature AND hers by acting based on principle and honor rather than emotional reaction, or a desire for results.
You see, right now, you're placing the blame on someone else's behavior. You're presuming that it's their fault for being who they are. Women in every culture will take advantage of the benefits that suit them, and you should be taking advantage of the benefits that suit the men.
Sometimes the burden of self-awareness is a lot to bear...
CONTINUED...
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But what is the alternative?
Give up?
Stay angry at something you can't change?
Do we get mad because "it always gets me wet when it f*cking rains!"
Oh. Poor you. Go buy an umbrella.
"But the weather won't appreciate that I've bought the umbrella! I want to be respected for spending the money to use that umbrella!"
Do you see how nutty this sounds? So why should we expect this from someone who has no idea what it's like from our side? A woman can be as oblivious to your efforts as the weather is to you.
Let's get back to the reality here. It's NOT so easy for women in most all other areas. You may think that having men that they can have support them is a great break, but really it just obligates them to men rather than allowing them to lead.
YOU get to lead! You get to choose your path in life! You get to take on the world and chase your passion and purpose!
That beats the crap out of waiting for guys to approach you in a crowded and smokey club, right?
When you get angry and lash out, it's just showing poor emotional control. You need to get back to understanding your own personal power and strengths. You're in a pit of desperate desire for affirmation outside yourself. That's why you can't be happy. You've given control of your happiness over to someone else to either affirm or destroy.
How crazy is that?
Instead, take control of YOUR life, and YOUR attitude. If you're living in reaction to other people, you're going to be forever under their control.
An Alpha Man understands that everything in his emotional world is completely under his control. And when that happens, he begins to relax and become more attractive to women.
Man-up!
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QUESTION: Old Dogs, Bad Habits
Hi Carlos, Love your stuff.
For an older dog like me, with more years behind me (36) of clueless bad habits than probably a lot of your clients, it's been a longer trek to get onto the right road, yet things are happening now. However, a couple of things...
I got off the tube at Bond Street, one of London's most expensive shopping streets, and this lovely girl with quite stunning hair just happens to walk before me, out of the station. Being on a downer recently, and simply needing the sport, I watched her enter a department store and decided to follow and watch her. She went to all the make-up booths, and while asking about cosmetics it was obvious she was just cheekily trying on all her favourite make-up, getting ready for a Friday evening on the tiles.
A-ha, I thought, there's my cue-in. She then goes to check out some clothes. I approach. And very coolly simply say, "Hello, you caught my eye back at the tube station and I couldn't resist following you in here." I gestured that I wasn't a weirdo, which she got - then I went for it. "Can I ask a question: Is it normal for girls to enter department stores and try on the make-up?"
She cracked up laughing. I then asked if I could take her for a drink? She showed me a hand with no ring (I only really thought about it afterwards), and said she had a boyfriend. "What a shame." I hung around for a few moments more, and with a big smile walked away. She sincerely wished me a good weekend.
Now, I know where I went right. Just doing it, and being cool as a cucumber. And I know where I went wrong: 1) not teasing her a little longer before asking her out; 2) not calling her on the nothing being on her finger; and 3) not giving her my number.
On the last point, my thinking is... it may be too much for a girl to be put in the situation I put this one in (even though deep-down she has to be impressed). I should give her my number, pre-empting her with these words: "Now, as I know girls never call boys, I'm perfectly happy giving you my number. Let's see."
Again, you're a top man. You've made a difference out there.
All the best, Dan - in the U.K.
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CARLOS XUMA'S ADVICE:
Great breakdown, Daniel. You bring out a very important point... it's the fact that instead of being excited at the opportunity to walk up and let this sexually exciting woman meet you, most guys are secretly dreading this. Mostly because they just don't have an understanding of why that situation is so terrifying for them.
(And it's not what you're thinking!)
The next time a woman tells you she has a boyfriend, you keep right on going with what you're doing. She's just making sure you know her situation before you lead her down the path she's willing to follow. And sometimes she throws that out there to keep you at a certain distance - so you won't run her over with Rico Suave pickup games on her and make a fool out of both of you.
It's her way of saying, Whoah, there! Take it slow, cowboy...
She just wants to control the start of the interaction and feel SAFE in it.
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CONTINUED...
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After all, why would a woman show you a hand with no ring on it, and THEN tell you this story?
Because she wants to stay in control of the situation. The fact is that women try to put signals out to guys, but in the end they are reduced to being chosen - first, and then screening the guys she likes later.
As for giving her your number, you only do that when she's so into you that you have to push her off you because her drool is staining the plush velvet of your new suit. A woman has to be WAY into you to call you, so don't even bother if there's a question about 1) the amount of attraction you've built, or 2) the amount of rapport and trust you've got.
You're just mentally masturbating by handing her your number and hoping she will call. Not to mention, you're setting yourself up for major disappointment. I don't care what the other "gurus" say, there's no technique to make women call you beyond establishing incredible attraction and rapport. That's what YOU bring to the table, chum.
You're right that it all boils down to the guys who WILL versus WON'T approach her. Action will win the day. Most guys won't approach a woman, and therefore they just get the runts of the litter. The guys who pursue and actively engage their targets GET THE HIGH QUALITY WOMEN.
Survival of the fittest, my brothers.
It isn't hard to learn how to get over your fear of meeting new people. Your approach anxiety is simply a mental conditioning that you need to break.
It's easy to do once you understand your own limitations, and the secrets of what is really holding you back from taking action as opposed to RE-acting.
Good luck...
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The secrets of compelling communication and persuasion are easy to learn.
Most guys don't approach women because they haven't got the SKILLS to APPROACH WOMEN. Once you have them, you'll feel less anxious and you'll actually DO IT.
It's time to learn the TRUTH about women ... and attraction.
It's all about your Inner Game...
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Discover your inner Alpha Man - NOW
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Listen to what the other gurus are saying about Carlos' work...
"I've read every book and studied every system on dating. The problem with most 'gurus' in this field is that they're not teaching men how to build a solid foundation. Until you change your internal belief system and adopt an Alpha mindset, all the
tactics and techniques in the world aren't going to do you any good. (Actually, it's like learning just enough karate to get your ass kicked!) Carlos Xuma is the best there is at teaching men how to develop their 'inner game.' From
there, he'll give you the complete set of tools for approaching women, and life, with absolute confidence and skill. If you're in this game to win it, these are the rules you need to learn."
- "Supreme", M.A.C.K. Tactics co-creator
"Carlos Xuma is a man who has a clear passion for imparting the success with women he has experienced to other guys worldwide. He approaches his craft with immense integrity and a distinct style!"
- Scot McKay, X & Y Communications, DeserveWhatYouWant.com
"Carlos Xuma is the REAL DEAL! If you are serious about creating an extraordinary relationship. You will learn more about the needs and desires of women than they do themselves! I highly recommend
Carlos to any man who is ready to get the woman of his dreams. I love his game, its 100% real."
- The Dean, Dating4Men.com
"Carlos Xuma is one of those rare guys in the field who actually GETS what interacting with women is all about. His advice goes beyond the pick-up lines and approach techniques that so many guys use and fail with. Rather, Carlos gives guys everywhere practical,
valuable advice that will make men attractive not just for one night, but for many, many years. He lays down the foundation for becoming a NATURALLY attractive man, full of confidence and the ability to fully ENJOY being around hot babes.
Unlike other pickup artists, Carlos shares information that helps you not only in one area of life, but in many: in social relationships, at work, sports, with personal goals. He'll help make you a well-rounded, self-believing alpha MAN who's capable of just
about anything. And seducing gorgeous, high-quality women, is just the beginning."
- James Brito, How to Be Irresistible to Women
"Carlos Xuma is one of the few men in the 'seduction' or 'attraction' community who digs beneath the surface of passing attraction, and Explores what it is to be a man who attracts women by virtue of his character and, consequently, the natural outward expression of high character.
He brings words like 'discipline' and 'integrity' to the forefront, and waddya know, those are exactly the qualities women truly crave in a man."
- Grant Adams, CEO - net2bed.com
"Hey Carlos, I write about the biology of men and women's behavior. You seem to know the biology of behavior without knowing it. How do you do that? You have a deep intuition of dynamics - it took me 7 years of academic research to discover. And you find sharp ways to apply it practically... Keep up the good work, brother."
- Joe Quirk, Author of "Sperm are from Men, Eggs are from Women"
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