The TRUTH About Dating and Attraction...

Wednesday, 8:25 AM: Carlos Xuma's Desk...

Question:

Hello!

I've got a quick question regarding the first kiss.

It seems that in the e-books, the newsletters, and the audio sessions, there is a bit of contradiction. I'm still a bit unclear on this.

On the first brief coffee meeting, do you want to go for the kiss? In some of the stuff, it says if you don't, you're telling her "let's just be friends", but in some other of the information, it says that the first date may be too soon.

Please clarify.

CARLOS: As with many things in life, there are some things that appear to be a contradiction, when in fact they're not.

Or, as our favorite Jedi teacher, Obi Wan Kenobi, said: "Some things depend on your point of view."

The answer to the question of "when to kiss" is always this:

It depends.

I can hear the groans in the audience, so please allow me to explain.

What is uncomfortable to women?
(Besides stiletto high heels and leather bustiers)

I'll give you a hint:

Guys who come on too strong. (Too strong = faster than they are going.)

So how do you avoid that when you're going in for a first meeting?

Well, first thing is to consider the context of the meeting. I address many types of "dates" and "meetings" with women.

The first kind is a simple meeting, where you have had very little interaction with her (occasional emails, got her name and number in a store, etc.) For those meetings, how comfortable do you think she is with you?

I'll give you a hint: Not very.

(Hmm... I think my hints may be giving it away ...)

So do you think trying to kiss her is a good idea in this situation? Probably not.

Instead, put in the pre-work. Get her attraction started with the techniques in the e-book and audio coaching.

The second type of meeting is the one where you have already met and chatted for a while, and your meeting is something a little longer than the coffee meeting. More like a real "date." There's a level of established familiarity here, and you're both getting a good feel for the chemistry.

This is where you need to pursue the kiss so that she doesn't think you're a wimp, and so you don't start her feeling like you two are going to be great "friends."

But the real deal is to only kiss her when you know you'll get a return kiss. (I've also covered that in previous newsletters and in the ebooks, so I won't bore you with that again.)

When you set the situation up from the start to give you the results YOU want, isn't that much better?

So focus instead on getting her to feel the attraction for you, and remember than no sane woman will refuse a kiss to a guy she's attracted to. (Key word = SANE.)

And if she did refuse it, would you want to be with her?

I wouldn't.

CONTINUED...

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Question:

CARLOS: Really enjoy your newsletters...but you hear that all the time... ;-)))

What kinda 'hope' is there for a...1,200 Year Old Highlander Immoral Immortal...LOL...who hasn't had sex or a date with one oif your human species for 25-years (lierally)?

Even after all these years the inhibited 'not good enough' hangup still exists...and the more-attractive a Lady...worse it is.

I have 'no problem' on Internet...getting closely intimate with cubersex and sometimes phone sex...to the point they want me to come visit them in different States to 'screw your brains out"...but, reality is a different story.

I'd love to 'make out' with any gal from 18-to-65 ;-) Ithe 'older ones are REAL HOTTIES too)...but feel my age is against me if ever met someone...even though...'dirty ole men need love too' ;-)

I know this is out-of-yoiur-league...but am serious...Keep up the great work...Take care.

Respectfully...
(Color me Paranoid Frustrated in Ohio)...

CARLOS: Hmmm.... well, while that is a new one, it's not out of my league, Mr. Frustrated.

And after 1200 years, you had to have scored somewhere. I hear the Renaissance was a fantastic party. And I know that Michaelangelo was a total STUD.

But seriously folks...

Age is only a limitation in your mind. There are women who dig older guys because of that "searching for the lost father" syndrome, or who just like the maturity and experience of an older man.

How are you presenting yourself? (Posture, voice)

Are you working on your appearance? (Grooming, clothes.)

Are you working on getting more socially active?

I recommend these steps before you jump into the big pool of women that lays before you. Social comfort is a requisite before you really think about the big steps of bagging some babes. (Though, you can do them in parallel.)

It sounds to me like you've become used to interacting on the level of the "safe" interactions ... email, telephone... but when it comes to the real risk of connection, you haven't ventured out of your safe-zone in a while.

Get out more. Find some social situations to get out into. Find anything that gets you interacting with people in a social context. It doesn't have to be a singles bar, and I even suggest that you avoid them for now. Instead, just go to ball games, friend's parties, political rallies, poetry readings, user groups ... WHATEVER.

Expose yourself to the possibilities and get comfortable with them. Then you can work on to the next step, which is to find the FEMALE possibilities in these activities, and see what you can stir up.

The point is to take the steps you CAN do until they become comfortable. Then you tackle the next slightly uncomfortable step. And the next.

I don't want to hear that age is an issue, because I'll tell you right now that there are more guys out there getting laid up to and past their 80s than you can shake a stick (or other small hard object) at.

If you're comfortable with what you're doing and happy with it, then by all means, stick to it.

If you want more, however, than you need to venture out of this cozy and "safe" environment you've created. It's time to take a risk and discover if what you think is really the truth.

You see, I get a lot of letters from guys asking about situations, theorizing, and just plain THINKING too hard when they need to be acting. They come up with all kinds of artificial limitations, and then go on to defend them and argue for them.

THEY DO THIS WITHOUT EVER VERIFYING IF THEY ARE TRUE.

When I was 15, I bought my first car, and when I talked to the guy on the phone, I told him I wanted it and then asked, "Now, you're not going to sell it to someone else before I get it are you?" He said, "Son, money talks and bull$h!t walks."

That is so absolutely true. Most guys talk a great game, but when it comes to laying some rubber down on the road, they lose their nerve, or back off and make excuses so they don't have to feel too bad about chumping out.

Then they reinforce this behavior every weekend at their favorite watering hole: "Dude, check out that blonde. She's hot." "Yeah." "You should go talk to her."

"Nah, she's probably got a boyfriend."

Or: "Nah, she's probably a bitch."

Or: "She's got a funny purse. She's probably one of those artsy-fartsy gals. I couldn't date one of them."

Or:

Hey, I used to tell myself stuff like this ALL the time.

Isn't it time to succeed?

Isn't it time to do what you need to get what you want?

Do you want the epitaph on your headstone to say: "He played it safe."

There are a lot of questions guys want answered.

How do you meet more women?
How do you get them attracted to you?
How do you overcome your personal limitations so you can be the man you want to be?

These were questions I wanted answers to for YEARS, and I finally decided that I was going to get them. I started reading all the books in the bookstore on the topic. When I realized they didn't have the information I needed, I started looking for books that talked about pickups and techniques and the "taboo" information that you couldn't find anywhere else. (I started this before there was an Internet, but not TOO long before. :)

When I got as much as I could find (and that wasn't a lot) I started trying things and experimenting. I got rejected and blasted, and occasionally I also got laid. I watched why people did things and noticed how they influenced how other people perceived them.

I wrote the book on this (literally and figuratively) and now I want you guys to reap the benefits. I have spent YEARS and YEARS out there getting battered, deep-fried, and served up as a meal ticket in the world of dating, and there's no reason why you should have to.

Really, do you want to go through 2004 without this powerful knowledge? Do you want another year of confusion and poor results to stop you from getting what you deserve?

Try one of my audio sessions or the e-books. I've talked to guys the world over who have made a real difference in their lives by taking the first step on the right path - learning. Once you understand, your world will open up.

"To all the guys on the mailing list can't stress how much you need this book to succeed with women you may have your doubts but put them aside this is the genuine article that will change your life ... you need this book!!!" - Chris in the UK

The top-down strategies are exactly what the Dating Dynamics e-book (and audio series) will teach you. Not only do you learn what the subtle psychological aspects are, but how you can amplify these "Alpha Man" traits so that you are able to draw in the women that you want. The only magic you have to add to this equation is the attitude to take action.

Are you tired of finding women that seem to be interested, and then they seem to get distant and all you get is a peck on the cheek and a "let's just be friends"?

- Do you want to take the woman that you've lost and get her interested again?
- Do you want to make sure you handle it right, from the start?

Ask yourself: What am I waiting for?

Get understanding so that you can make 2004 the year you took care of yourself and started being really successful with women. I am convinced that my information is the best out there for you.

Life is a LOT shorter than you think.

Ask yourself: Do you want to wind up in your rocking chair whining about all the things you SHOULD have done?

My e-book gives you the information and skills to get the women YOU want. Not SETTLE FOR.

/ebookstore.htm

CONTINUED...

______________________

Don't forget - The Advanced Audio Coaching Session 4 is ready now to take your current skills and take them to the limit...

"I've just finished listen to the fourth session of your audio coaching program... this is the first time that I have skyrocket[ed] my confidence to approach anyone... your audio coaching program is very useful because it links directly the theory of your well written and complete book with the reality..." - D in Italy

""I've found the advanced audio coaching series 4 extremely useful... I now see why I've had the successes that I've had in the past and why the failures have happened. The audio series has reinforced that and has given me more ideas about how to increase self-confidence even further ... It's onwards and upwards from here and I'm confident of many more successes in the future." - A.C., New Zealand

Imagine having a coach giving you tips, strategies, and a complete breakdown on how to improve your technique and success with women - first hand. You can listen to this audio RIGHT NOW on your PC or Mac, and you can even use your MP3 player to take the learning and go mobile.

The monthly audio series is over 100 minutes of advice and explosive tips, and it's available for download at:
/audioprogram.htm

Here's just a little of what's covered in this month's session:

- Introduction and Meeting - Detailed How-To: Getting past your fear and mental barriers to meeting women

- Develop a thicker hide - overcome your fear with several mental exercises, including the Christmas Carol exercise and the Shampoo Bottle exercise

- Do your homework - how to prepare for the pickup with detailed challenge/response handling, including examples and analysis of what works and what doesn't

- Subtleties/Minor adjustments - A breakdown and explanation of the minor ingredients of meeting women: Facial Expression, Smiling, Good posture, speech control, eye contact

- Running the Numbers - becoming an approach machine with T.E.D., by starting the treadmill and using the NEXT methodology

- The Certainty and Ambiguity Syndrome - How men and women approach the world, and how you can learn to live with the Uncertain

- How women test your limits - and the universal response to handle them at any time

- Advanced Conversation Techniques - How to talk to women and introduce yourself, including moving beyond the "I like your purse" Intro

- Opening groups of women with two new Set openers:Cheating Girl Opener, The Trivia Opener

- Extended Challenge-Response workshop with detailed reply analysis and quiz

- Email examples of Cocky Control and examples of challenging a woman correctly

For the complete list of contents, go to:
/audioprogram.htm

-Carlos

The secrets of compelling communication and persuasion are easy to learn.

Most guys don't approach women because they haven't got the SKILLS to APPROACH WOMEN. Once you have them, you'll feel less anxious and you'll actually DO IT.

It's time to learn the TRUTH about women ... and attraction.

It's all about your Inner Game...

Discover your inner Alpha Man - NOW

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