The TRUTH About Dating and Attraction...

Wednesday, 7:15 AM: Carlos Xuma's Desk...

QUESTION:

Hey Carlos,

Recently I have been teasing a variety of girls. I noticed that when I do tease they respond by usually laughing and calling me a jerk and hitting me on the arm. I felt like the communication was good but one thing that I was upset about was that I expected them to be all over me and become really attracted to me (based on what I have read from newsletters).

I was happy with the responses I got but I just didnt feel like I raised there attraction mechanism enough and I thought by continously teasing and busting their balls they would become attracted to me (I was really teasing these girls alot, I didnt care what they were thinking and I mostly did it for my own amusement, and busting there balls as much as possible).

Can you explain this to me Carlos? Thanks so much.

CARLOS ANSWERS:

You've got part of the equation, but you're missing an important point.

First off, you've got the right attitude. Your thinking as you do this should be exactly as you described: Not caring what they were thinking, for your own amusement, and busting their balls as much as you can.

What you don't realize is that you DID have them interested in you.

You're not reading the signals she's giving you.

When a woman is calling you a jerk, while laughing and playfully hitting you - YOU'RE IN!

That is exactly what you're looking for from her. Those are the buying indicators, in female attraction-speak.

You just didn't recognize them. And I'm sure you won't make that mistake again, right?

What's more curious to me is, what are your expectations?

Did you read a bunch of those over-promising hyped-up web sites that tell you you can get a woman to tear your clothes off if you just whisper the right combination of words in her ear?

Look, I'll be real with you here. Seduction is not that hard once you learn the right core skills.

But you still have to TAKE ACTION.

That's right. You still have to be the Alpha Man and initiate.

INITIATE.

Meaning, you have to take the NEXT step. And then the one after that.

After those girls started showing you interest, what did you think they'd do? Jump on your lap and say, "Oooh, I wanna ride you tonight!"

What you needed to do was to move to the next stage.

Dating and seduction isn't passive. Meaning, you can't wait around for a woman to do the things YOU should be doing.

CONTINUED...

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What's happening here is that you're not reading their buying signals - OR you're not acting on them when they appear.

It's EASY for women to read men, because we tend to tell her and show her too much. On the other hand, it seems like an incredible mind-reading experiment to understand what a woman is thinking.

What it requires is a different skill. A NEW skill that you can develop.

I was out with a lady on Friday night, and we went to a couple of cool places in the North Beach area of San Francisco. As I'm talking to her, she's touching my arm like crazy. She even went so far at one point to rest her head on my shoulder as she looked out the window.

Now, not all women are going to be as glaringly obvious with their interest indicators, as she was. But when they come along, you have to know what to DO with them.

You see, I could have seized that moment and started touching her back.

If I did, you know what?

She wouldn't have been as interested as she was. I knew that what she DIDN'T need was for me to reciprocate. (Something you learn from my e-books.)

When you get what you want (i.e., a certain buying signal or IOI from her), then you KEEP DOING WHAT YOU'RE DOING, but take it to the next level.

So, you see, those ladies WERE attracted to you.

However, you still needed to take it to the next stage, or the next Stepping Stone as I explain completely in the Transitions bonus e-book you get with The Dating Black Book.

Your next step is to move into more intimate physical contact. You have to spike her buying temperature with more direct ball-busting and teasing. You have to learn how to get direct.

You are doing the right things, but now you need to turn up the heat a notch. Build the sexual tension until she can't take it.

Then you get her isolated and start working your magic...

And then you make your move...

QUESTION:

Carlos,

First I just want to say that I love your e-books. They are enjoyable to read and make a lot of sense. Lately, I have been to a few parties and have absolutely no problem talking to girls. Last night was my birthday and my buddy threw a big party. Tons of girls and I made it a point to let them know it was my birthday.

Some came up to me feeling my stomach and arms and stuff and it made me feel really good. I talked to every girl there last night. That's not my problem really.

For some reason though, it always seems like my friends hook up with the girl I want to and I am kinda left with nothing for the rest of the night. I don't know what it is that drives them away from me, but I want to know.

What do you think it is? I mean, I don't think I'm overdoing anything. I try and lay back and stay cool like you suggest, but it doesn't seem to be working. Last night, I was talking to a bunch of girls and it was going great, but then they just seem to walk away. Kinda makes me feel like crap.

I even developed a new hobby (writing), but it doesn't seem to take my mind off how I wish I could be more like my friends in terms of getting these girls. I mean, I'm not conceited but I know I have more to offer than some of my friends. I'm goal oriented, in good shape, have a sense of humor and dress fine. What am I doing wrong?

CARLOS: Let's see...

My first guess is that this isn't something you're really doing WRONG.

It's more like something you're not taking to the next step in the progression.

Here, let me explain...

First off, are you observing your friends? Yes, I mean the ones that are getting all your women.

What are they doing that you are not? What's going on?

Here are a few of the things:

- Keeping up the tension

Your friends aren't letting up on the tension when it comes up. This is something I preach about quite a bit. When guys start learning how to be successful with women, they inevitably reach a point where they all go "So... now what?" (Read the previous letter again.)

You have to KEEP driving up the tension.

What are you saying to these women when they're feeling you up?

"Oh, I see, you're just one of those women who wants me for my body. Well, it's going to cost you..."

or

"Hey, no touching the goods. Unless you'd like to pay by Visa or Mastercard."

That's the way to interact to really get her going. When she raises the stakes, so do you.

Have you ever watched a really riveting game of poker? One like in the movies where you know an incredible amount of money is at stake, and they keep raising the bets with each round?

THAT is what the banter should be like between you and the women. When she dares you, you dare her back. You keep pushing her and moving in for the kill.

What I sense happening is that "uncomfortable silences" keep creeping in, and you don't know where to go with the interaction. And by that point, she walks off to get away from the weirdness.

After you drive up that tension, then you...

- Act on buying signals when they appear

Teasing and ball-busting (sometimes called being "cocky and funny") is a good start, but you still have to be willing to make a move when it presents itself. You need to get her isolated, or at least in a position where you can get all of her attention.

Try testing her for a kiss. I'll be covering a new test for this coming in January's audio coaching, or you can use the ones from the e-books.

Oh, and you must never ....

- Engaging in wishful thinking

I can tell you're the "sensitive" kind of guy. Hey, I am, too. But it's also our biggest weakness when it comes to women.

You can't indulge in wishful thinking when it comes to getting women in your life. Wishing you were more like your friends doesn't do it. You have to become a STUDENT and learn from them first, then DO what they do.

Learn, act, observe, modify your approach.

That's the blueprint for success.

I'm a writer (obviously, but I also write fiction now and then) and being introspective is both good and bad. Good in that you understand yourself better, but bad in that you're probably a little too engaged in your own thinking.

You have to stop being TOO cool about this. You still have to be a man of ACTION. Don't kick the ground and walk away feeling all poopy about yourself.

Sniff, sniff. All the Other guys Get the girls. Sniff sniff.

Sorry. No pity here. You need to get aggressive. Assertive.

ALPHA.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself and realize that it's nothing to do with you, but with how you make HER feel.

It seems kind of contradictory sometimes, doesn't it?

Be cool.

But not TOO cool.

Be attentive.

But not TOO attentive.

There are a lot of skills that you need these days to pull in a quality woman. And I explain the finer details to you, including some of these contradictions in the e-books.

How many times have you heard this:

"A man must be confident."

Or,

CONTINUED...

______________________

"Nice Guys just don't get laid."

The Nice Guy SEEMS like what women want, but he's not.

The reason is that the "nice guy" she says she wants is actually just a guy who won't emotionally hurt her, while giving her the ability to feel safe.

And you're still no closer to understanding how to drive up your confidence, either.

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Over 100 minutes of audio coaching, including -

- Emailing Women - How to handle emails to women correctly. 7 rules of effective communication through email. How to bridge from email to "real life" contact. An email trick a woman might pull that you probably don't know about. How to get her to respond. What to say and what not to say. What you MUST include in your emails. With Examples.
- Chivalry and Helping Women: The philosophy and rules of Chivalry, and the primary benefits. Showing security and protection. How to brag effectively to women. Character building. How to "help" women (not through giving them money...) The role of comfort, security, and protection.
- Breaking the Horse - "Legends of the Fall" example. Alpha Traits example. How to handle especially difficult women - "Break" them. The mindset of the "breaker." The importance of intensity.
- Inner vs. Outer Game - The difference and importance of each. How they inter-relate. Finding a motivation to act when you need to. Upward/Downward spiral. Using pain to motivate yourself into gear - the "Kick Yourself" method. How beliefs translate into actions. The importance of relaxation and spontaneity.
- Female Testing - What to do when a woman challenges you. Handling the "I'm not going to sleep with you" Test. How to ignore and circumvent the problem to continue. Why you can never wrestle for control. The "Slut Complex." "Steer into the slide" method. How NOT to react.
- Fear of Success - The mental mindset of the seducer. The role of belief through the "Force" example.
- ALPHA EXERCISE - Emotional Intelligence - How to understand the emotions that hold you back. Handling anger and frustration. Disappointment and guilt. The role of rehearsal and review. Handling inadequacy and loneliness. Handling overload and overwhelm. Avoiding self-destructive behaviors.

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/audioprog.htm

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Is there ANYTHING else worth learning more than how to be successful with women?

Thanks...

- Carlos

The secrets of compelling communication and persuasion are easy to learn.

Most guys don't approach women because they haven't got the SKILLS to APPROACH WOMEN. Once you have them, you'll feel less anxious and you'll actually DO IT.

It's time to learn the TRUTH about women ... and attraction.

It's all about your Inner Game...

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