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CARLOS XUMA -
DATING ADVICE FOR MEN NEWSLETTER: |
The TRUTH About Dating and Attraction...
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Tuesday, 2:20 AM: Carlos Xuma's Desk...
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QUESTION:
Carlos,
Firstly let me say THANK YOU, 'cos you have helped me so much,in the e-mails, e-books (all of which I have)...
Well this time I'm in a situation that I thought wasn't going to happen for a long time. I have multiple women who are interested in me, and man it feels GOOD. By my count there are four or five who are showing definite Indicators of Interst (IOIs).
My question is this, can I begin to make a move towards one of them without ruining my chances with the others?
One woman I see once a week in a club and has been flirting with me (touching, laughing, smiling, leaning in very close and talking in my ear), but there's a group I go to the club with of both men and women, and one of them has been doing the same, even going as far as gazing in my eyes, hugging me and kissing me on the cheeks.
Two others I work with (at the same time). Can I get with one of them without ruining my chances with the other, or will the jealousy work for me?
Many thanks in advance
M in the UK
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CARLOS: Yes, this is where all the other guys out there start to play the violins for you.
You use what I teach you to get a bunch of women on you, and now you want them all.
Sigh.
Well, at least you have an Alpha drive in you. :)
And good job on doing the right things - the things I'm trying to teach guys.
You can have all of these women, if you keep the playing field level for all the women, and pit them against each other. Just a little, though. Let them fight it out.
You see, an Alpha Woman will fight for a man. The Beta Chicks just excuse themselves and fall into the arms of Mr. Convenient.
(Oh, yeah. There are Alpha WOMEN out there, too.)
You can't demonstrate an EXCLUSIVE interest in any of them when you're around them. AND you can't express an interest in a monogamous relationship if you want more than one of these ladies.
You have to put in the right amount of "bring it on" energy, without being obviously manipulative.
You have to adopt a new frame.
CONTINUED...
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CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE...
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This means that you have to take on the attitude and confidence of a man who has many women coming on to him.
Don't let them make it your fault! Women love to test you to see if you are a "player," and all they're really trying to do is avoid any potential heartbreak if emotions get involved.
But the reality is that they really do want a man who is virile and confident. That's something that the non-players just don't have a lot of these days. Virility or confidence.
So make sure you come across as a guy who can (and will) enjoy the attention of many women in his life.
And if you want each of these women, then you need to isolate them (get them alone with you.) Then you can work the rest of your magic. You won't be able to do that in a bar with a crowd of people. That will require you to get each of them out separately.
Start with getting their numbers. Then, if you know you're going to see them again, give it at least a few days before you give them a call. Follow the calling strategies from the e-books.
Oh, and be careful about dipping your pen in the "company ink."
(I go into detail about the "unique frame" strategy in Session 15, coming out next week.)
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QUESTION:
Carlos -
I received an e-mail today from someone who I met about six weeks ago. During this time, we went out about five or six times. In the e-mail I received today, she informed me that she is still lamenting (to use one of your favorite words) over her ex-boyfriend and that she realized that she isn't ready to move on and start dating again.
How I can tell if a woman is truly in the right "place" emotionally to date? That is, other than to discover it down the road. Is there a way to tell upfront, from the get go, if a woman is "ready" to date?
Thanks,
G
CARLOS ANSWERS:
The reality on this is that women are ALWAYS ready to date and meet men. Five minutes after the most heartbreaking romance of her life, she's ready. Women tend to use the NEXT guy to forget the LAST guy.
Hey, even guys do this. It's called rebounding.
But the important concept here for you is the context of your question.
The question isn't "When is a woman ready to date" but instead: "When she going to be ready for what I have to offer?"
Given the right situation and the right timing, EVERY woman will get together with a guy. He just has to carry off the right level of confidence and "I-don't-give-a-crap" attitude to keep her interest.
When a woman pulls out the "I'm not ready" excuse, that usually means that she was scared off from you by either her latent attraction for the ex, or you didn't raise her excitement and attraction up high enough for her to overcome her fear.
Remember that a new man introduces a level of RISK for a woman.
She has to risk the possibility of heartache with each new guy. The only reason she doesn't think she's ready is because ** her level of pain-fear is higher than her current level of attraction for you.**
Read that again until the power of that sinks in.
My guess would be that the first few dates went all happy-kitten for you two, but somewhere around date number 4 or five, she started to lose that lovin' feeling. You didn't use the "dance" from the e-books to keep her in a high state of emotional and se*xual tension.
You see, the more fresh her pain from the last romance, the more likely she is to get cold feet on you. Especially if the tension between you two goes a little slack.
Have you ever towed a car before? You have to keep the chain really tight between the vehicles. If you don't, the ride will be full of uncomfortable tugs - and it's more likely that the chain will come unhooked.
I hope the analogy on that one is clear for you. Your state of constructive se*xual tension is exactly the same thing.
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So, in answer to your question about "when is she ready," I'd have to say that it depends on the woman - and your objectives for her.
If you want short-term fun, you must find out how long it's been since her last guy. Make it clear that you don't want a relationship right now. (Which will ironically make her want it all the more.)
If you want the possibility of more than a fling, then you need to stay away from the "lamenting" women. They're just a drag to be around when they're in this state. And they'll confuse the sh*t out of you.
As for this current woman, you would do best to make sure she understands that you're not looking for marriage and roses. Emphasize the FUN with her. No woman will turn down good clean, no obligation fun when it comes up.
If she senses anything heavy coming on (i.e., you get too serious, which is what 90% of the guys out there do too quickly), she's going to run for cover.
And then you'll see her laughing it up and going home with some other Alpha guy next week, leaving you to kick yourself, wondering why they always seem to want the "jerks."
Yes, there are a lot of skills that you need these days to pull in a quality woman, and especially the women that are a little afraid of being tied down.
Isn't it ironic that the more you want a woman to commit to you, the faster she runs away?
How many times have you heard this:
"Nice Guys just don't get laid."
The Nice Guy SEEMS like what women want, but he's not.
The reason is that the "nice guy" she says she wants is actually just a guy who won't emotionally hurt her, while giving her the ability to feel safe.
Are you ready to start learning how to dramatically improve your self-confidence?
Are you ready to drop that lame "Nice Guy" routine and start being a real Alpha Man?
I just completed a brand-new e-book and 6-CD audio program that you have been waiting for.
We've even got a new site at: http://www.alphaseduction.com
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CONTINUED...
______________________
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This book covers all aspects of overcoming your shyness, fears, and insecurities with women (and with life) and gets you on the path to total self-confidence.
This new e-book and audio will guide you through exercises, tips, and strategies for changing your life RIGHT NOW. It's not just about getting more women (even though that's a really great side-effect of this program), but we show you the way to a more successful LIFE - business, family, social, financial... everything!
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Just remember: Every man is self-made, but only the SUCCESSFUL admit it.
Use the Advanced Audio Coaching to help you build on that knowledge and take your success to the extreme. Imagine having a coach giving you tips, strategies, and a complete breakdown on how to improve your technique and success with women - first hand.
If you haven't heard of it yet, the Advanced Audio Coaching could be the best thing you get for yourself this year. This monthly audio program will coach you through even the most tricky situations with women, with audio examples and so much more. Take a look at what's in this month's session 14:
Over 100 minutes of audio coaching, including -
- Emailing Women - How to handle emails to women correctly. 7 rules of effective communication through email. How to bridge from email to "real life" contact. An email trick a woman might pull that you probably don't know about. How to get her to respond. What to say and what not to say. What you MUST include in your emails. With Examples.
- Chivalry and Helping Women: The philosophy and rules of Chivalry, and the primary benefits. Showing security and protection. How to brag effectively to women. Character building. How to "help" women (not through giving them money...) The role of comfort, security, and protection.
- Breaking the Horse - "Legends of the Fall" example. Alpha Traits example. How to handle especially difficult women - "Break" them. The mindset of the "breaker." The importance of intensity.
- Inner vs. Outer Game - The difference and importance of each. How they inter-relate. Finding a motivation to act when you need to. Upward/Downward spiral. Using pain to motivate yourself into gear - the "Kick Yourself" method. How beliefs translate into actions. The importance of relaxation and spontaneity.
- Female Testing - What to do when a woman challenges you. Handling the "I'm not going to sleep with you" Test. How to ignore and circumvent the problem to continue. Why you can never wrestle for control. The "Slut Complex." "Steer into the slide" method. How NOT to react.
- Fear of Success - The mental mindset of the seducer. The role of belief through the "Force" example.
- ALPHA EXERCISE - Emotional Intelligence - How to understand the emotions that hold you back. Handling anger and frustration. Disappointment and guilt. The role of rehearsal and review. Handling inadequacy and loneliness. Handling overload and overwhelm. Avoiding self-destructive behaviors.
AND MUCH MORE!
You can download it here:
/audioprog.htm
You can listen to this audio RIGHT NOW on your PC or Mac, and you can even use your MP3 player to take the learning and go mobile. Put it on your i-pod!
Is there ANYTHING else worth learning more than how to be successful with women?
Thanks...
- Carlos
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The secrets of compelling communication and persuasion are easy to learn.
Most guys don't approach women because they haven't got the SKILLS to APPROACH WOMEN. Once you have them, you'll feel less anxious and you'll actually DO IT.
It's time to learn the TRUTH about women ... and attraction.
It's all about your Inner Game...
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Discover your inner Alpha Man - NOW
Click HERE to learn more...
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Listen to what the other gurus are saying about Carlos' work...
"I've read every book and studied every system on dating. The problem with most 'gurus' in this field is that they're not teaching men how to build a solid foundation. Until you change your internal belief system and adopt an Alpha mindset, all the
tactics and techniques in the world aren't going to do you any good. (Actually, it's like learning just enough karate to get your ass kicked!) Carlos Xuma is the best there is at teaching men how to develop their 'inner game.' From
there, he'll give you the complete set of tools for approaching women, and life, with absolute confidence and skill. If you're in this game to win it, these are the rules you need to learn."
- "Supreme", M.A.C.K. Tactics co-creator
"Carlos Xuma is a man who has a clear passion for imparting the success with women he has experienced to other guys worldwide. He approaches his craft with immense integrity and a distinct style!"
- Scot McKay, X & Y Communications, DeserveWhatYouWant.com
"Carlos Xuma is the REAL DEAL! If you are serious about creating an extraordinary relationship. You will learn more about the needs and desires of women than they do themselves! I highly recommend
Carlos to any man who is ready to get the woman of his dreams. I love his game, its 100% real."
- The Dean, Dating4Men.com
"Carlos Xuma is one of those rare guys in the field who actually GETS what interacting with women is all about. His advice goes beyond the pick-up lines and approach techniques that so many guys use and fail with. Rather, Carlos gives guys everywhere practical,
valuable advice that will make men attractive not just for one night, but for many, many years. He lays down the foundation for becoming a NATURALLY attractive man, full of confidence and the ability to fully ENJOY being around hot babes.
Unlike other pickup artists, Carlos shares information that helps you not only in one area of life, but in many: in social relationships, at work, sports, with personal goals. He'll help make you a well-rounded, self-believing alpha MAN who's capable of just
about anything. And seducing gorgeous, high-quality women, is just the beginning."
- James Brito, How to Be Irresistible to Women
"Carlos Xuma is one of the few men in the 'seduction' or 'attraction' community who digs beneath the surface of passing attraction, and Explores what it is to be a man who attracts women by virtue of his character and, consequently, the natural outward expression of high character.
He brings words like 'discipline' and 'integrity' to the forefront, and waddya know, those are exactly the qualities women truly crave in a man."
- Grant Adams, CEO - net2bed.com
"Hey Carlos, I write about the biology of men and women's behavior. You seem to know the biology of behavior without knowing it. How do you do that? You have a deep intuition of dynamics - it took me 7 years of academic research to discover. And you find sharp ways to apply it practically... Keep up the good work, brother."
- Joe Quirk, Author of "Sperm are from Men, Eggs are from Women"
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