The TRUTH About Dating and Attraction...

Monday, 12:00 PM: Carlos Xuma's Desk...

New Site Look....

The Dating Dynamics Site got a face-lift last weekend... she was getting a little old, so we did a bit of cosmetic surgery on her. I think you'll like the new look.

Take a peek {!name_fix}:

https://www.datingdynamics.com
Also, watch for the announcements in the news ticker on the front page. I'll be announcing upcoming workshops and seminars there, as well as other special information.

"Carlos, I want to thank you for all you've done for us all. When I was in high school (now 25) I had many one night stands which didn't allow me to learn ANYTHING about women. I met this one girl when I was 20 and eventually got married. It was one year ago to this day that I learned my EX-wife had many affairs behind my back. I felt left in ruins with low self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-worth.

"I stumbled on your programs about 6 months ago and became a full time member to your audio coaching. From regularly listening to your words I have boosted everything I thought I lost because of my divorce. I also learned exactly the art of seduction and building at traction with women. "To put it bluntly, your programs rock. I have and will continue to recommend these programs to anyone who not only wants to succeed with women but also succeed with their own life."

- J.O.

DATING SLUMP QUESTION:

I have been in a major slump lately. I haven't been going for a lot of the girls I want to, been feeling a lot more Beta, and it's scaring me. I started rereading Secrets of the Alpha Man... Sure, I've hooked up with a few girls here and there, but I KNOW I am capable of so much more.

I proved it to myself the first month I was here for school. I walked up to every girl I saw and started chatting her up and grabbing her number, etc. It sucks cuz I really wanna find out what my potential is with women. I wanna see how many girls I can get, how hot I can get them, etc.

My problem is that I just haven't been TRYING anything. I haven't been doing set openers or cold approaches lately and I don't know why.

I even coached my buddy to help him get this girl and my advice worked awesome for him, but it's like I haven't tried it lately for myself. What's wrong with me? I hate knowing the problem and not doing anything about it.

CARLOS:

You've been neglecting yourself. You're chasing the women, and not your own self-development and inner happiness.

Women don't make you happy.

YOU make you happy.

Look harder and you'll find the reason why.

But remember that you can take some time off and come back with a better attitude. Stop making women THE priority in your life. They should only be ONE of the priorities in your life.

What else are you doing in your life?

Remember that the difference between my advice and the other "gurus" out there is that I don't condone seeking fulfillment through external validation. In other words, you're already happy. You just have to get out of your own way.

All pain comes from desire - desire for things to be or not be a certain way.

An Alpha is fulfilled all on his own, with or without women. Even if he's in a slump, the Alpha Man knows that it's only temporary. He can feel comfortable and secure even in his own low-performance.

Ride your mood out. Don't let it become a lifestyle.

It's just a temporary setback.

DETAILED DATING PROBLEM:

Carlos, I read over some of your material and I really like the Alpha Man book. As a writer and producer of television I have to commend you on your writing style. It is a very good read. Long, but the read goes down slow and smooth like a fine wine. Keep up the good prose bro!

Question: At what point should a woman start to reciprocate in the proactive "wining and dining" and pampering during the dating process?

Situation: I have been dating this wonderful woman for two months (to the day). This past weekend I just drop the boyfriend word. From the very first meeting it was on! Yes, we slept together and the passion continues to be great! Mostly because we meet over a year ago and both of us met through a friend of which both of us are independently very close which, has help us create a nice bond from the start.

We see this as a good time in our lives to bring somebody in and have been spending each weekend together to get to know each other better. I have been fitting most of the bill for she just came back into the country and has alot of expenses associate with setting up her consultantcy and moving into a new apartment. She is strapped. However, what is lacking is a sense of old fashion "let me do this for you" attitude. Like proactively making plans for us to do things on the weekend (I initiate all the plans); taking me out on the town or to dinner; pampering me with a massage.

I should mention that If I ask for a massage or anything help with anything she will gladly give but, proactively/thoughtfully catering to me as I have her does not seem to be in her psyche at present.

This goes to little gifts as well such as bring over coisssants or flowers (yes, I like them) when she comes over for the night. My place has been the hub for the last two months seeing that her place just got up to speed this past weekend.

What she has done: She has taken me to a free events that her friend's hook her up with tickets. She brought me to her boss' place for a private dinner, letting everyone know who I was. If I ask for her time she will make for me and in some cases spending more than I asked. She has missed appointments.

Like I say we have been spending every weekend together minus one when she caught my cold from the week before. She insisted on staying with me instead of going out with friends and got sick. I do commend her for that. In short, I haven really seen any thoughtfulness or effort in regards to giving a small gift or taking the initiative to pamer me.

I have been spoiling her and we have had a great time. I even helped her out with paying for her bed because she did not have the money. She will pay me back, for she is a person of honor that, I am not worried about. It is the lack of giving right now.

I don't know if this is because she is independent and German (Northern). Or, this is how she is as a temperment...aloof. Or because I am soooo different from the nuckle heads she dated in the past that she does not know how to pamper a man. That side hasn't kicked in yet. I think part of it may be that she doesn't have great cash flow at the moment (which will change in the next month) but, as I said this is part.

How should I go about decerning what is the truth in this situation?

What should I look for or how should I test her? More importantly when would be a good time to bring this up or should I?

Thanks, T

CONTINUED...

CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE...

CARLOS:

Thanks for the detailed account. I'm going to explain what's going on, as well as cover a few things that I feel you could do differently.

First, let's define your woman's personality:

She is what she is.

I know, that's brilliant. You can wash my feet with rose-water later.

Seriously, that's a fundamental truth that I've covered in my books (especially the Dating Black Book.)

The person you meet is probably not going to change, or become a different person just for you. The behaviors and actions they are exhibiting now are likely to be the ones they will do for a very long time. (Translation - FOREVER.)

It's the Frog and the Scorpion. (Re-read this story in my e-book.)

Does that mean you're stuck with this?

No.

You can bring it to her attention (in a very non-needy and relaxed way.) You simply state what it is you're looking for in a woman.

I recommend you have this discussion with her after you take a weekend off from hanging with her. It's my guess that you two are so consistent now that she's EXPECTING you, and you're predictable.

Very bad it is to be predictable, as my boy Yoda would say.

Give it another break. This time it's YOUR decision and choice. She needs to feel the absence of you before she will ever really appreciate your presence.

Next, if she gives you any kind of chick-speak about "this is who I am" blah-blah-blah... Just shrug and drop it.

If she doesn't make any concerted effort to take care of you after this point, which she most certainly won't, she probably never will.

You see, part of the problem of expecting her to do stuff for you is already a given:

She isn't doing it because YOU ARE SPOILING HER!

You're not giving her enough space to feel comfortable moving back toward you and nurturing you.

I guess I could have just said that at the start, but I like to paint the picture of your future in advance and save you the trouble of living it.

No one works to keep something they thing is theirs for the taking.

This is what it is to be taken for granted.

Congratulations. You're a living cliche.

Stop making excuses for her, like it's her family, or her ethnicity, or it's her time of the month, or it's her bad hair day.

This chick:

A) May not be a "giver"

B) Has no incentive to give from the way you've been treating her

That's it, brutha.

Spend a few weeks having her wait on you hand and foot. Then disappear for a week.

No calls. No nothin'.

I can bet you what will happen. She'll be calling you, asking you what's wrong, where are you, etc. Then you tell her to come over and cook you dinner. And you know what? She'll be HAPPY to.

Now, do I condone this? Is this manipulative behavior?

Some may say so. But it illustrates something more important:

You wouldn't have this problem if you had demanded what you needed up front. Now you're throwing more and more good money after bad, investing in a stock that is not giving you any return.

At least not the return you want from it.

She won't respect you until you back off and let her feel the pain of your absence. WIthout respect, you'll never have a relationship with her. Over time, she'll become more and more distant, and you'll find yourself standing outside her apartment in the rain like John Cusack's character in "High Fidelity." Pitiful, not romantic, by the way.

Alpha Men get what they want and make sure they're never ripped off. Human relationships are like anything else in life: If you're not getting what you want, you can only blame yourself for the choice you made by not asking for it up front.

Alpha Males start the relationship on the right foot, with the right tone and expectations, and with mutual respect.

Let me say it one more time in language that we can all understand:

You're her bitch.

Stop giving in the hopes that you're going to get sometime soon. You're falling into the Gambler's Trap that I discuss in some of my e-books. Stop making excuses for her, while you're at it.

The truth is that she now needs to feel what life was like without her favorite guy spoiling her and waiting on her hand & foot.

She really wants to wait on YOU, but you're not letting her, and therefore she's shut down all the nurturing parts of her.

Ignore her for a week. She'll realize her loss and come back.

Or she was never into you to begin with.

You want some opportunity to meet the woman who will GIVE back to you?

Perhaps you'd like to know the mindset of the men that take no crap from any man, woman, child, or small furry mammal.

First of all, you need my e-book - The Dating Black Book. I've packed this e-book with HUNDREDS of examples, tips, strategies, explanations, what to say, what to do, how to interpret situations, and how to clean up that stinkin' thinkin' ...

Don't ignore that little voice inside you right now that's telling you to take action. It's the one part of you that you can trust. Most guys will let their egos stop them from learning the things they need to, and they'll live in regret later on for it.

I meet these guys all the time, and they only have one person holding them back from success - themselves.

All the good stuff is inside the Dating Black Book. And you can get it here:

https://www.datingdynamics.com

Go check out the new site look.

Oh, and I've got an e-book and 6-CD audio program you'll want to have a look at, too. This program covers every part of your self-confidence and INNER game.

I cover ALL aspects of overcoming your shyness, fears, and insecurities with women (and with life) and get you on the path to TOTAL self-confidence.

You can see this life-changing program here:

http://www.alphaseduction.com

Listen to what this guy has to say about it, and how he's learned from the program:

"The negative self-talk was killing me for decades, that's my motivation for doing this. No woman is going to give me s*x out of pity. s*x is just a mindless fat-burning exercise like climbing the StairMaster; it's the skill I want so I won't become co-dependent. Being desired is the prize I'm looking for, and I need to accept myself first.

"I had a very attractive woman 6 years ago who was even needier than me... like a small child hanging off my arm... it mirrored my own insecurities and made me very uncomfortable. That's how I made other women feel and they left or never felt attraction, not because they were confirming my cooked-up negative fantasies I thought was their impression of me.

"As for my past, WHO CARES!!!!! Those are the two most relieving words I have ever adopted.

"Glad to be in your bootcamp.. - C.H."

There are more testimonials at the bottom of this email for you to read...

This new e-book and audio will guide you through exercises, tips, and strategies for changing your life RIGHT NOW. It's not just about getting more women (even though that's a really great side-effect of this program), but we show you the way to a more successful LIFE - business, family, social, financial... everything!

I've even thrown in a few extra bonuses that you're going to want to grab with this offer, too. I've spent the last year creating this great program, including the best of our Advanced Audio Coaching Sessions, with 34 all new tracks specifically aimed at this topic, and HUNDREDS of pages of new advice on how to get your game together with women.

You can see the complete list of contents here at:
http://www.alphaseduction.com

If you get the program right away, I'll send you the 393 page e-book RIGHT AWAY so you can get started... AND I'll even send you a link to join the Alpha Man Forum - a special user group where you can exchange information and tips with other Alpha Men.

Just remember: Every man is self-made, but only the SUCCESSFUL admit it.

I'll be back with more advice soon ...

- Carlos

CONTINUED...

______________________

TESTIMONIALS:

"Dear Carlos, Your program is a "killer..."
It helped me to get rid of many traits of the so called "nice guy" - shyness, indecisiveness, "ass-kissing", etc.

... It boosted significantly my love and s*x life. Not only [this]
... It helped me to be more successful in doing business, I can now easily spot when somebody wants to "walk over me" and try to make me submissive as usually women do. Thanks a lot!
My best wishes to you!"
- S.D.
Sofia, Bulgaria

"I LOVE your Secrets of the Alpha Man program. It is by far the best overall e-book and audio program online that I have read....and I have done my research and read all the popular e-books and what not.

"I already was having a lot of success prior to the program but my success has doubled since reading the e-book and listening to the audio." - D.

"... About your Alpha Man program... It's bad ass. I'm only halfway through the book (200pgs) and halfway through the CD's. It's really phenomenal..." - T. T.

"Carlos, I purchased the Alpha Male program recently and I must say it's the best investment I have ever made in my own personal development. I have had seeds of thought and insight on some of things you talk about in the books and tapes, but now I'm getting a fuller picture of what it takes to be a real man. It's incredible..." - B., Colorado

"Hey Carlos ... Listen, I want to thank you for all of your work in these CDs and e-books. I've only had them for about a week and I've already made some major breakthroughs. You opened my eyes in being an Alpha Male.

"I was recently getting to know this girl... and I was being the "nice guy." Boy! the way you described the steps a man goes through to get to "she's the one for me" is right on target! I was able to step back... put her in her place on the phone and in person--it felt GREAT (so empowering!). I ended up not liking who she is and have moved on since.

"Also, I went to a club the other day... and I usually don't because I don't know how to dance that great--but I did anyway. I applied your exercise where you don't look at the final outcome... you just take the first step... and be an alpha man there.

"Well, I felt powerful and by the end of the night I was leading this girl around the club by her hand (taking charge), ordering two beers and sitting down with her with my arm around her like an alpha man should. She was so into our conversation and I felt like I was totally in charge.

"Oh, and yes... I danced with 5 gorgeous girls that we had dinner with. Damn! it was good.

Carlos... seriously... thanks!"

- 'D' Los Angeles, CA

The secrets of compelling communication and persuasion are easy to learn.

Most guys don't approach women because they haven't got the SKILLS to APPROACH WOMEN. Once you have them, you'll feel less anxious and you'll actually DO IT.

It's time to learn the TRUTH about women ... and attraction.

It's all about your Inner Game...

Discover your inner Alpha Man - NOW

Click HERE to learn more...