The TRUTH About Dating and Attraction...

Monday, 11:50 AM: Carlos Xuma's Desk...

Have you seen it yet?

I made a bunch of changes over the weekend (yes, I was a busy Dating Advice Dude...) and I wanted you to know about them all.

First off, Session 26 is available, and you should check that out, of course... you probably got an email on that one already.

/audioprogsub.htm

But, there's also a new Podcast available. The link to get these is on the home page of the site at:
https://www.datingdynamics.com

You can also get the podcast each week by subscribing in iTunes (f(ree download from Apple).

And last, but certainly not least, we've completely overhauled the Alpha Seduction site so that you can more easily navigate it.

Take a look:

http://www.alphaseduction.com

CRAZY WOMAN DRAMA:

I know you are great at covering the multitude of women and dating techniques necessary to be an alpha man, and following on from your terrific ebook 'Secrets Of The Alpha Man' and some info I listened to on your podcasts online (nice work, great for listening to in the office, it'll be Advanced Audio Coaching next).
I would like you to tackle issues on dealing with 2 Criteria.

(1) I have dated several single mothers, and recently one who is separated with a husband lingering like a bad smell. She has moved on, invested a heck of a lot of time in her house and life since moving out but not divorced yet, still going through the child custody. This guy was abusive to her.

She has 2 kids (8 and 9) who are nice, however the nine yr old son suffers from ADHD and I couldn't be around him as he is for his father in the divorce. How would you approach a relationship like this, my theory is to keep it as light as possible and be patient with the girl and give her more space than what is between an airhead's ears. I have been dating other people off and on during this.

(2) She is also a girl with a wild past, one of her closest male friends who has a child by / with her best friend is a very disruptive influence, and her and her best friend both get on with him very well. He has been inside prison for many years off and on, and when I first met him he had been in a bad fight with several guys.

What a first impression meeting him on a sofa covered in blood with severe cuts and bruises all over him! He is best described as psychotic in nature, he has just got out of prison again and is on a charge AGAIN for assaulting a prison officer. He has no money, no fixed home and no job and some of the things he gets up to would shock you. Anyway regarding the kids (my ex's and her friend's) he is fine with them but I find that a little worrying that my ex allows him to play with them.

Furthermore she talks about his antics like they are almost cool, she is 27 with 2 kids! He is seeing the other girl as he fathered her child, but my girl's need to talk about him (plus she slept with him as a teenager once) is indicative of some of the stuff you bring up about 'she talks about another guy'.

However, to highlight points of your programme I hope you can go over this bad boy / girl addiction and girl's desire for drama, in addition to the single mother / separated dating area, which generally is considered a no-no I understand. Thanks King Carlos S

CARLOS:

WHOAH!

Normally, I don't ever like to criticize someone's choices in women. That's a personal thing.

But here I gotta make an exception - and a strong recommendation.

Mostly because our choices say a lot about who we are on the inside.

Your life is the sum total of the choices you've made up to this point. That's very powerful. I hope you read that and think about it a few times before going on.

First of all, I'm going to suggest you get as far away from this dysfunctional family unit as you POSSIBLY can.

I did not detect one thing in all of what you said that would make this beneficial to you right now. You'd be in the middle of some really scary sh*t, cochise.

A guy covered in blood?

Look, we all catch someone in a bad time, but there's also a possibility this is worse than BAD.

It could be dancing with your own mortality.

Have you ever had one of those experiences where you're in a predicament, a situation that is scary and threatening to you? And that situation has you thinking on the inside:

"Holy crap! I gotta get out of this... I'd do anything to put things back to the way they were. If I could just have made a better choice a few minutes ago and gotten out of this..."

Well, this may be one of those.

This guy is a danger. To you and your lifestyle, whatever it may be. He will NOT be a positive influence on you. I realize that you haven't said anything about dating her, but the impact these people could have on you by association is enough.

He has NOTHING to lose with his behavior, and that may mean that he'll go 'psychotic' on you sometime, bud. Not a pretty concept.

Stay close enough to your ex, perhaps, but if you cannot effect any real change with her choices, you can't let her drag you down out of some "rescue" impulse.

Remember what they say on the planes before you take-off? That speech about the air-masks? "Put the mask on you first, then on anyone near you that may need help."

That means keep yourself alive first, and then tend to others who may need (and welcome) your help.

Now, let's get to what you asked:

CONTINUED...

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If this woman makes these choices for herself and her children, what does that say about her?

Well, first of all, while there are some women who want this kind of guy, most - thankfully - do not.

The psychotic guy you mention is just an extreme case of the bad-boy.

Women have an inner need for psychological and emotional energy. They want to ride the roller coaster of emotions and sensation. A lot of younger girls are what we lovingly refer to as the "stimulus junkies." They need this kind of treatment to satisfy something that was missing in their childhood, something they crave.

Sometimes it's just being caught up in this whirlwind. Sometimes it's just their low self-esteem.

But bad-boys have a potent force of "I'm going to do what I want in this world" that cannot be denied.

And to a woman, this looks a lot like the strong kind of guy she's normally attracted to. She just doesn't know what she's in for in the long run until she's addicted.

And that's just what it's like.

An addiction.

As for single moms, hey, there can be a lot of fun there. But if you're looking for something long-term, watch out. You've got a lot of baggage to handle. Just a short list:

- She's already got a child with another man.

- He's going to be in all of your lives for a very long time.

- She will always put her child ahead of you. (Which is much easier to handle if the child is your own. Trust me from experience here.) And let me say that another way - You will RARELY ever be her total priority.

- She's may be looking for another romantic interest, but after she has a child, she's more concerned with their survival. That will make her choice more financial/provider than you might like.

Single moms can be fine, but understand what you are getting out of the situation, as well as her. If it works for you, then fine.

But don't choose single moms just because you're lowering your standards. Or because she's lowered hers.

Understand?

Oh, and I want to caution everyone out there that an Alpha Man is not a "bad boy."

And for all you would-be Alphas out there, the most important thing you can do for your quality of life and your success is to choose your friends and the people you surround yourself with. And be VERY VERY picky.

ONLINE DATING QUESTION:

I have been trying online dating as another stream to meet women. I am currently using match.com and I have e-mailed 55 different people in the past month using the intro e-mail you suggest using in advanced audio coaching session # 2.

Four out of the 55 have e-mailed me back and we began to e-mail back and forth (I really try to challenge each e-mail) a few times until I asked for their phone number then they don't respond?

Another 8 out the 55 e-mailed me and said that they were not interested? (I actually challenge this by writing something like...Don't put yourself down so fast:) ...I was going to give you a chance...:) I'm not sure what they are basing this off of (both my photo and profile are good and I'm my worst critic). My question is, are these the numbers you can expect from online services?

I know it's a numbers game but I was hoping for a little more. Thanks Carlos!

- B

CARLOS: Let's clarify a few things first.

Your results are going to vary based on:

1) The woman
2) the online service
3) the approach
4) the profile of the woman and how well you "read" it
5) the timing
6) the picture you use
7) the rest of YOUR profile...

and a whole bunch of other factors. Online dating can be very uneven. You have to really figure out the vibe of each woman and CALIBRATE to her needs. And you have to do this without ever having met her. You're doing this through the worst way possible - EMAIL.

Email doesn't reflect tone of voice, and misunderstandings happen ALL the time because of it.

So what I recommend you do is to lean back on the ball-busting until you've had a chance to interact and you can read her vibe. Especially with online dating.

If you can't calibrate to her, you'll come across the wrong way (i.e., a dick). Remember that the material I give you has to be applied in judicious amounts. It's like medicine: Too much can kill the patient, too little has no effect.

Now I asked you to send me in the interaction between you and this woman. I added my comments to each section. I've indicated which is your emails and her emails and my comments.

YOUR EMAIL TO HER:

"I just read your profile and you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders:) You seem like you might make an interesting friend. Oh and just a random question but I was wondering what your favorite resturant and or club in Denver is? Talk to you later.

-B"

CARLOS COMMENTS: Good intro, not too abrasive, and expresses some curiosity. Also, short and to-the-point. That's all you need.

EMAIL FROM HER TO YOU:

"I don't go out in Denver to eat, and I hate clubs so I can't answer your questions. The last time I did was a couple of monthe ago I went to Dazzel with some friends. Why do't you tell me where you like to go.

-W"

CARLOS COMMENTS: Right here I'm getting a real "bitch" vibe off her. She's too good to be polite with her words, and she's impatient with you. "I can't answer your questions"? C'mon, honey, is it really that hard to pick a f*cking restaurant? If this was someone I was in contact with, I'd probably have dropped her right here. FLUSH.

YOUR EMAIL BACK TO HER:

"Hey W,

Good to hear from you:) How was your weekend?...Mine was good, caught some sunrays, partied a little, and took a nap today:) So you don't eat in Denver and you don't like clubs?...and I thought you might be a wild child:) Just kidding:) I haven't been to a club in a long time but I do like trying new restaurants around the Denver area. It was my sister�s birthday this weekend and we went to an amazing Italian restaurant. It was a gut buster all right:) What's your favorite food? Well gota run but talk to you later.

-B"

CARLOS COMMENTS: Your response is incongruous with her bitchiness. What I mean is that she was pretty obviously being a bitch in that last email, and this one should have called her on it with a comment like, "You've never been to a restaurant in Denver? Hmmm... Well, what did you think of Dazzel?" Also, don't put in "just kidding" and too many of those smiley faces. They come across as trying to please too much. Let your email stand on its own.

EMAIL FROM HER TO YOU:

"My weekend was quiet. I went shoe shopping with a friend. I went skating on the path and caught up on some sleep. My friend is moving to Antarctica for 6 months so Im trying to spend as much time with her as possible befor she drops off the bottom of the planet. My favorite foods are shushi, popcorn, Indian, and what ever I'm in the mood for. I don't like meat markets in general, thats I don't go clubbing or hang out at the bars every weekend. chow ttyl. - W"

CARLOS: Here she's at least trying here to relate. That's better, but by this point you should have closed for a phone number. I don't go more than two emails before requesting the phone number. By this point she is already making excuses for not doing something with you, and that's not a good sign. I'd probably drop her by now just to give my self-esteem a boost. If you keep pursuing her, you will feel on the losing end.

YOUR EMAIL BACK TO HER:

"Wow, Antarctica, now that's a big move:)..what's she going to do down there? I haven't been skating in a long time but I did a lot in college. I just remember that it was a great workout especially for your calf's. Can you do any rail slides:) (I know bad joke but hey it's late).

"Oh I was thinking that you should send me a number where I can call you, e-mail gets really stale. I need to here the sound of your voice so I can tell if you're a cool gal or one of the those chronic e-mail people:). Send me your home or cell phone number and let me know what your schedule is like over the next couple of days (unless your homeless and don't own a phone in which case you can just send me the number of your shelter:). Talk to you later.

-B"

CARLOS: This is well done. It's just the right balance of challenge and teasing. Not offensive at all. But by now, she hasn't really expressed ANY interest in doing something. This is a red flag that she's just stringing you along until something better comes along.

YOUR EMAIL BACK TO HER AGAIN:

"W, I'm glad that I got to meet you and you sound like an interesting and fun person but it doesn't sound to me like your ready to take the next step. I asked for your number last week so that we could get out of e-mail and talk on the phone. You didn't respond. Maybe you were extremely busy but I'm busy too. I need to talk to the women I have just met so that we can tell if there's any chemistry. Sorry we didn't get to know each other better but good luck in your search:) -B"

CONTINUED...

______________________

CARLOS:

Good closing, however, you never met her, and she really didn't sound all that interesting and fun (at least to me.) She sounded bitchy, short, and not very into the interaction. Therefore, you sound incongruous and too much like you still approve of her. Which will further push her away.

You cut her off, and you need to really let that sink into your gut so that you affirm that YOU can get rid of HER without feeling needy or depressed about it.

The only thing that would have been handled better would be to call her on her negative attitude right off the bat. Now it's tough to do in email, but it can be done. Here's how I would have answered the first bitchy email about not going to Denver to eat and not going to clubs.

"Wow, Wendy. I sure get some angry vibes from you about the places you like to eat. Is this not a good time to email with you? Perhaps I misread that. I find that email tends to miscommunicate tone, so I'd hate for us to misunderstand each other.

"To be honest, I don't like to carry on electronic friendships (or more), so I'd much rather talk in person. Send me your number and let's make this a little more 'real.' Cool? Hope everything gets better for you."

And that's it. She has to know that you're not going to take that kind of lackluster interest and overall bitchy behavior. AND that you recognize it.

AND that you're not going to reward bad behavior.

Honestly, it's entertaining to think that you can turn this kind of person around, but sometimes you have to be willing to cut them off right away. My other response would probably have gone something like this:

"Sorry to hear that you don't like to eat out. I'll be honest, I expected a little more of a courteous tone in your email, and what I got was a bit disrespectful for a guy who's just trying to see if you might be interesting. Maybe you had a bad day, but I'd like to see if there might be someone better out there. Good luck..."

But the reality is that you need to cut off women who do this to you right away. I don't tolerate ANY kind of bitchy airs at the start, because that only indicates how she's going to behave all the way down the road. And she can travel that road all on her own.

Start being choosier. There are millions of women out there looking for a guy and aren't putting up the bitchy front. Find them...

You want some opportunity to meet the woman you REALLY want instead of settling for "kinda interested" women? Stop settling for someone else's leftovers?

First of all, you need my e-book - The Dating Black Book. I've packed this e-book with HUNDREDS of examples, tips, strategies, explanations, what to say, what to do, how to interpret situations, and how to clean up that stinkin' thinkin' ...

Don't ignore that little voice inside you right now that's telling you to take action. It's the one part of you that you can trust. Most guys will let their egos stop them from learning the things they need to, and they'll live in regret later on for it.

All the good stuff is inside the Dating Black Book. And you can get it here:

https://www.datingdynamics.com

Just go check out the site, because I've put up a link so you can hear my radio interview and a whole bunch of other stuff.

Oh, and I've got an e-book and 6-CD audio program you'll want to have a look at, too. This program covers every part of your self-confidence and INNER game.

I cover ALL aspects of overcoming your shyness, fears, and insecurities with women (and with life) and get you on the path to TOTAL self-confidence.

You can see this life-changing program here:

http://www.alphaseduction.com

The secrets of compelling communication and persuasion are easy to learn.

Most guys don't approach women because they haven't got the SKILLS to APPROACH WOMEN. Once you have them, you'll feel less anxious and you'll actually DO IT.

It's time to learn the TRUTH about women ... and attraction.

It's all about your Inner Game...

Discover your inner Alpha Man - NOW

Click HERE to learn more...