 |
|
 |
CARLOS XUMA -
DATING ADVICE FOR MEN NEWSLETTER: |
The TRUTH About Dating and Attraction...
|
Monday, 11:35 AM: Carlos Xuma's Desk...
|
|
QUESTION:
Let me first start out by saying that I have bought your book and have liked what I have read. Great Job!!!
I have always been able to attract women and having sex with them has not been difficult but my problems start later in the relationships. I really am looking towards meeting a girl for a something more permanent but I can't get past the two month mark. I start off on course by keeping my posture but somehow during the course of the relationship I end up finding myself emotionally connected and I start the clingy thing.
I really have two questions for you.
The first is - do you have any pointers on keeping my emotional distance? and the second is concerning my last relationship.
Let me tell you a little about that relationship. I met Kim and we had instant chemistry. We were in bed on the first date. She lives over an hour away so we mostly talked on the phone during our month long relationship. We only had two dates but they were the entire weekend type dates and they were both something that I really enjoyed. It ended because I freaked out on the day after our last date. She had mentioned that she met someone else and I played this off pretty cool. I stayed there that night and I guess I really lost my brain and posture that morning because I wouldn't leave until she told me exactly how she felt. (Yikes - big mistake). She then told me that she was only looking for us to be friends.
I feel like that we had something really great for that short time that we dated and I have many regrets. Mostly I regret losing her trust and respect and I realize that being clingy is very BAD.
My question is this: Do you see any possible approaches that might get my foot back in the door with Kim? I am DOW and have no plans to contact Kim in the near future but I am thinking that I might try in a few months after emotions on both sides have settled down. I understand the chances are slim to zero but I really enjoyed her company so it is important to me to get a second opinion.
CARLOS: Well, regarding keeping your emotional distance, I discuss some of those strategies in the upcoming Session 3 of the Advanced Audio Series. This is one of those mental self-discipline skills that most guys should always have in their holster.
You bring up another recurring topic:
"How do I get girl X who used to be interested in me to be interested again?"
Well, I hate to tell you this, but the amount of energy you will expend on trying to get her back will be:
1) At least twice as much as getting a new woman
2) Potentially damaging to your attitude as you chase a dream that is over.
Some of the symptoms that this is a bit of an illusion for you is that it was created mostly in your head. You say you only had two dates and created a month-long relationship on the phone.
|
|
What kind of relationship was that? Well, for her it was 99% fantasies. I'm sure you talked about your childhoods and your aspirations, and you might have even found a real "click" with your interaction. But it was what is commonly referred to (in those head-shrink circles I love so much) as "false intimacy."
It was an illusion built up in your head by wishful thinking and by too much time that you weren't together finding out if you were really as close as you think.
You see, you can't develop a real quality relationship with a woman over the phone. There is a chemistry that is just not communicated by voice over a phone line.
What's happening here is you're at a fork - a turning point, if you will. You say on one hand that you know everything that you did wrong, but god-bless-ya, you still want to know if there's a chance - KNOWING that you have wimped out and blown all her attraction, and that the chances are "slim to zero." But you have "no plans to contact her" in the near future.
Yes, but... yes, but....
Which is it?
You have the left path to keep chasing a lost dream, or the right path where you know you have to go, but you just can't help your feet from walking the other direction.
Yes, you do have a chance with her. To get that chance, you have to move on. COMMIT yourself to the right path. Only by moving on and demonstrating the independence, the non-neediness and clingy-ness you demonstrated when you were with her will you ever stand a chance. By holding on to this question, you're undermining your confidence by holding on to something that isn't there.
Don't go back and forth thinking you can have your cake and eat it, too. The biggest illusion you can throw over your eyes is to say you're over it, you're moving on... but is there still a chance???
The best attitude you can have is this:
"I'm going to go out, meet at least ten new women over the next week or two. Chances are that at least a few of those will turn into meetings, and after that - hell, I might already have a new and improved woman in my life! If I've got time in my schedule in three months or so, I'll think about just sending her an email and letting her know how great things are now that I've moved on."
Start from there, and you'll find that in a few months, you'll wonder why you asked me that question.
And it will be easy to maintain your emotional distance when you have more CHOICES in your life.
CONTINUED...
|
|
CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE...
|
|
QUESTION:
I've read your advice.
Seems you're quite good at it so I have a question which troubles many guys:
What if "she has a boyfriend" who's been with her for a few years?
however she seems interested in "that other" guy, actually in me.
what's going on? is there any real chance or is it really worthy my efforts?
more details: We go to the same 'after-school classes' so I know her a bit and it's not very difficult to communicate there.
CARLOS: First off, yeah, I am good, aren't I... Sigh. Please, no applause... just donations.
Okay ... hang on here just a sec...
I need to ask you guys a few questions.
I get a lot of guys asking:
"How do I get girl X who is already with guy Y interested in ME?"
There are a three different kinds of women a man will want:
1- There are women that are desirable that are NOT in a relationship
2- There are women that are desirable that ARE in relationships already
3- And then there are women that are desirable BECAUSE they are in a relationship.
Men are competitively drawn to the number 3 variety because we are - in evolutionary terms - aggressive conquerors. Nothing wrong with that. This drive in men has fueled most of our upward development since time began. This also links to the principle in the e-book of value. Men also value women more that are already taken.
The point, though, is to be able to assess your realistic chance of getting her. If she's still really attracted to and into her boyfriend, you should forget it.
|
|
Why?
Because if she leaves a guy she's with for you, it's purely a case of needing something new. And as soon as the new-ness wears off, you'll be tossed out, too.
You'll never be able to trust her. You'll always be looking over your shoulder wondering when she'll do the same thing to YOU.
(Insert Haunted Silence here...)
Not terribly fun, huh?
I'm not sure if you were saying that she seems interested in YOU now. That's a possibility, but let me give you the likely story on this one. Ready for the interpretation?
Here goes:
She's been with the other guy so long that she longs for something different, new - or at least wishes for that Cinderella fairy-tale romance. ANY guy that comes along that gives her some attention is going to get a little flirtation from her, because chances are her current boyfriend isn't giving her the same kind of light-her-fire attention anymore. So all she's really looking for is a re-validation that she's still attractive and desired by men.
Here's a thought: There are at least as many unattached women out there. Why not go for them instead?
Unless you only want the ones you CAN'T have.
But let me play devil's advocate to myself here.
Can you get her?
Maybe. But you asked the vital question yourself: "Is it worth my efforts?"
No. Not really.
Do you really want to be the rebound guy? The one she's only with because she really only wanted to NOT be with the other guy? Are you ready for the kind of doubts she'll have over her leaving someone she's been with for YEARS to go with you? Are you ready for that kind of emotional ambivalence?
(Insert shaking heads here...)
And remember, she'd have to be expressing some SERIOUS unhappiness to want to really breakup with this guy. Remember that women will always complain about their men. Men will always complain about their women. But how much do we really mean of it?
It's a flattering situation, to think that you could unseat her reigning champ of several years, but it's not really all that likely.
Remember the mantra: DOW! Date Other Women!
Keep some perspective on the situation, and go after the women that are available.
You'll find it healthier for you overall.
It's interesting, though, how many letters I get each week lamenting the one that got away. It's almost guaranteed that every guy reading this (and even you ladies out there - yeah, I know about you...) have someone that affected you in some way that keeps you thinking about them ... even YEARS after you broke up with them.
|
Why?
They were able to engage and involve our emotions based on some universal rules of our attraction mechanisms.
What is it about those people that triggered this reaction? How were they able to sink in and captivate us like this?
How did they DO it?
Wouldn't you like to know what those buttons were that were pushed? Wouldn't you like to know how to push them yourself, to get the women that you want to have in your life?
Wouldn't it be great to understand what's going on so that - at the very LEAST - you could avoid feeling "played" or manipulated in the future...?
That's exactly what my e-book will teach you. Not only do you learn what the subtle psychological aspects are, but how you can amplify these "Alpha Man" traits so that you are able to draw in the women that you want. The only magic you have to add to this equation is the attitude to take action.
Every guy that behaves according to the information I teach is more successful than they were before, and most of them become MASSIVELY successful.
Which leads me to this: You know that women are getting more and more picky about men, and they can sniff out inferior guys with just a whiff of your confidence. And to stand out you MUST have the edge on the other guys out there. You need to be a REAL MAN, not this sissie-fied cartoon man that the media and evening television sells you.
My e-book gives you the information and skills to get the women YOU want. Not SETTLE FOR.
You've GOT to be an Alpha Man.
Look, there are so many things you have to have down pat in the singles world.
Like, how do you NOT screw it up in those vital first couple minutes of meeting a woman?
You've heard me say this before: Getting laid is not about getting "lucky."
It's about having the right knowledge and understanding up front. Women are actually WAITING for men to date and sleep with, if you'll just give them the right reasons WHY they should be with YOU. It's deliberate and on-purpose, not subject to the whims of chance and fate.
BE the kind of man they are waiting for. That's all they ask of you.
|
CONTINUED...
______________________
|
|
I've worked for years to break down what it is that women are trying to tell you with their behavior, and finding out the hard way why being a "nice guy" is dooming you to failure.
You have to get this knowledge and understanding, or you may risk never being able to turn your game around.
When you have that knowledge, you can make better choices and demonstrate better behaviors.
When you demonstrate better behavior, you will get better RESULTS.
My e-book -THE DATING BLACK BOOK- will help you get all of that ... and then some.
Just remember: Every man is self-made, but only the SUCCESSFUL admit it.
Where do you go for the information you need?
THE DATING BLACK BOOK has the complete breakdown of the dating scene, and it's ready for download right now, no matter where you are or what time it is in the world.
/ebookstore.htm
And the advanced audio series is also finally ready to help you build on that knowledge and take your success to the extreme. Imagine having a coach giving you tips, strategies, and a complete breakdown on how to improve your technique and success with women - first hand. You can listen to this audio RIGHT NOW on your PC or Mac, and you can even use your MP3 player to take the learning and go mobile. Put it on your i-pod!
The monthly audio series is over 80 minutes of advice and explosive tips, and it's available for download at:
/audioprogram.htm
You see, the first 30-60 days of any dating relationship with a woman is THE most volatile, since almost ALL the mistakes are made here. If you last past this point, chances are you'll be able to keep her for as long as you like.
If you've ever found yourself saying, "I don't understand women!" then my e-book and audio coaching will finally give you the knowledge you need to finally understand. It's like getting a book that shows you how a certain magic trick is done that has fascinated you for years. You get to peek behind the scenes and learn how things REALLY work.
I remember when this realization hit me, and how excited I was. I stayed up that night writing out how I'd use the knowledge to improve my dating life. It wasn't until years later that I got around to writing the book on it, but I finally did it. And now you can download all these priceless strategies right now at: /ebookstore.htm
Is there ANYTHING else worth learning more than how to be successful with women?
If there is, you should let me know... because your priorities may be a little whacked.
-C
|
The secrets of compelling communication and persuasion are easy to learn.
Most guys don't approach women because they haven't got the SKILLS to APPROACH WOMEN. Once you have them, you'll feel less anxious and you'll actually DO IT.
It's time to learn the TRUTH about women ... and attraction.
It's all about your Inner Game...
|
Discover your inner Alpha Man - NOW
Click HERE to learn more...
|
| |
Listen to what the other gurus are saying about Carlos' work...
"I've read every book and studied every system on dating. The problem with most 'gurus' in this field is that they're not teaching men how to build a solid foundation. Until you change your internal belief system and adopt an Alpha mindset, all the
tactics and techniques in the world aren't going to do you any good. (Actually, it's like learning just enough karate to get your ass kicked!) Carlos Xuma is the best there is at teaching men how to develop their 'inner game.' From
there, he'll give you the complete set of tools for approaching women, and life, with absolute confidence and skill. If you're in this game to win it, these are the rules you need to learn."
- "Supreme", M.A.C.K. Tactics co-creator
"Carlos Xuma is a man who has a clear passion for imparting the success with women he has experienced to other guys worldwide. He approaches his craft with immense integrity and a distinct style!"
- Scot McKay, X & Y Communications, DeserveWhatYouWant.com
"Carlos Xuma is the REAL DEAL! If you are serious about creating an extraordinary relationship. You will learn more about the needs and desires of women than they do themselves! I highly recommend
Carlos to any man who is ready to get the woman of his dreams. I love his game, its 100% real."
- The Dean, Dating4Men.com
"Carlos Xuma is one of those rare guys in the field who actually GETS what interacting with women is all about. His advice goes beyond the pick-up lines and approach techniques that so many guys use and fail with. Rather, Carlos gives guys everywhere practical,
valuable advice that will make men attractive not just for one night, but for many, many years. He lays down the foundation for becoming a NATURALLY attractive man, full of confidence and the ability to fully ENJOY being around hot babes.
Unlike other pickup artists, Carlos shares information that helps you not only in one area of life, but in many: in social relationships, at work, sports, with personal goals. He'll help make you a well-rounded, self-believing alpha MAN who's capable of just
about anything. And seducing gorgeous, high-quality women, is just the beginning."
- James Brito, How to Be Irresistible to Women
"Carlos Xuma is one of the few men in the 'seduction' or 'attraction' community who digs beneath the surface of passing attraction, and Explores what it is to be a man who attracts women by virtue of his character and, consequently, the natural outward expression of high character.
He brings words like 'discipline' and 'integrity' to the forefront, and waddya know, those are exactly the qualities women truly crave in a man."
- Grant Adams, CEO - net2bed.com
"Hey Carlos, I write about the biology of men and women's behavior. You seem to know the biology of behavior without knowing it. How do you do that? You have a deep intuition of dynamics - it took me 7 years of academic research to discover. And you find sharp ways to apply it practically... Keep up the good work, brother."
- Joe Quirk, Author of "Sperm are from Men, Eggs are from Women"
|
| |
|  |