The TRUTH About Dating and Attraction...

Saturday, 11:00 PM: Carlos Xuma's Desk...

Last chance - We're down to the last 4 days of the special pricing on the Advanced Audio Coaching: Session 1. Act now to get Session 1 for only $9.97 (The regular price goes back in place on 10/31: $17.97). Once a Session is gone, I can't guarantee when or IF it will be back.

Session 2 is on the way, with over 100 minutes of advice and concentrated goodness on 10/31.

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QUESTION:

Hi!

first of all, as a preliminary, I'd like to congratulate you on the very good job you did in writing The Seduction Method because it undoubtedly was an eye-opener. I've also read the Dating Black Book and the ebooks that go along with it and found these equally interesting; I am fully aware, however, that I need to read all these materials at least 4 more times (which is what I'm doing) to assimilate everything.

Having said that, my problem is the following:

my rating on hotornot.com is 9.4/10, I'm in very good shape and muscular because I work out a lot and take very good care of myself. Chicks dig me, I definitely turn a lot of heads around and just as an example, I was lying on the beach this summer when a hot blonde I didn't know at all stood up, walked up to me and asked me if I'd like her to apply some sunblock on my back or all over my body for that matter...

At school I often don't have to do anything for girls to just come and talk to me and be very friendly. I should also add, I think, that since I'm following a course only reserved for an intellectual elite in France, the girls in my class (or just any French girl for that matter) sort of trust me right from the start because it is assumed that if you are in such a class you are necessarily very smart, educated and trustworthy.

My question is the following: how can I use my handsomeness to my advantage or in other words don't I need to somewhat alter the seduction method to get a woman into bed with me?

I'll be honest with you, since girls check me out so intensely I tend to freak out and get sort of paralyzed because I know they like me a lot. That sort of scares me so I don't take action. Should I still ask for phone numbers and use the normal seduction method or, because of my looks, should I behave in a specific and different way?

Thanks in advance for your help!

CARLOS: First off, excellent application of the information. You're actually getting it with the approach. This was a textbook example of how ANY man can get a woman's email or phone number in just a few minutes of talking to her. You used the tease-to-please in the right quantity, and you got RESULTS.

You should give yourself a high-five to reinforce the success. (And then D.O.W.! :)

You guys know that I emphasize this pretty strongly here - If you do the work - USE these techniques, you WILL get results. Most people are looking for reasons why things WON'T work rather than why they WILL, and then wonder why they aren't successful. That's Bass Ackwards.

Just a thought as to why she didn't give you a phone number, I suspect she liked your approach, but she was suspicious of the intensity with which you may have gone after her. You did pretty much everything right, so there's no reason to kick yourself at all. She could just be very wary of guys having her phone number, and I guarantee you she gets a million requests for it.

(The good news is that she must have interest or she would have just given you a bogus number. It's actually a GOOD sign that she refused to give it to you.)

Your next step is to email her something casual and do NOT ask for a date, or even make your romantic interests known. You don't want to come on too strong.

Say something like, "Hey there, bookworm, it's your new friend, D. Just thought I'd drop you a quick note before I left for the night... I've had to re-think that gift for my sister, so your boots won't work. But I've got other ideas." (This backs off a bit from the previous stance and makes her wonder. Contradictions help.) Mention something about wanting to know what book she was reading, or a question that she will simply HAVE to respond to.

Then finish with: "Now that you have my email, you better not put me on a million email chain letters where I get the 'wet kitten' of the day. :)"

Don�t ask for anything in this email, like her number or a date. This contact is just to show you're out there, and not needy. Your next email, however, after you get a response, is to use the standard reply I gave you for online emails. (It's in the Audio Series, Session 1.) This should give her just the tease she needs to respond with her number. Remember, you need to challenge her in such a way that she feels obligated to respond. What would make her want to do that? Feeling slightly embarrassed about being so suspicious is one way. (HER suspicion is not YOUR need to feel guilt. Remember that.)

But I will caution you here: Your words are giving you away - Already you're making this girl too important to you and you don't know ANYTHING about her.

Step back for a minute and remember that she could have a hundred crazy chick traits that would drive you nuts. Chances are she is NOT your type (other than physically.) MOST women are NOT your type (and the reverse is true, also.) So don't overestimate your compatibility based on your initial attraction. Your assumption that she's your type is based on fantasy, not reality. No matter how good she looks on the outside.

Keep perspective. Keep getting numbers, because if for some reason this chick blows you off, you're going to feel stung by rejection. That sting will be greatly lessened if you take a second and keep your head about you. You're saying: "I don't want to blow this one," but that desire is the very thing that makes you do the wrong things. It's better to start with: "I don't care if I blow it" first.

It is SO easy for guys to obsess over a gal (and women are guilty of this, too) and build up this fantasy image of someone you have NO knowledge of. Then you go nuts when they don't react the way you expect or want.

Take a more Zen-like approach - remove your expectations from the situation. There's a lot of truth in the saying that the more you want something, the more it eludes you...

CONTINUED...

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QUESTION

my girlfriend and i was doing well untill we moved in together.she says that we should just be friends now cause shes stressed out and every time i try to talk to her about it she says im pressuring her.she acts like were together but without the affection . she says lets see what happens about getting back together.at first she said she guarantees we will get back together but then i tried to talk to her about it and she changed her story. dont know what to do.looking forward to your advice thank you.

CARLOS: Well, once again, I have to tell you that this is DATING Dynamics, not RELATIONSHIP dynamics. But here's the truth, guy, and I hope you're ready for it, 'cause it's gonna sting a little. I can read between the lines of situations like this and give a damn good guess at what's going on...

1) Yes, dude, you ARE pressuring her. You're getting clingy and needy now that she's lost her interest, since you probably stopped giving it real effort now that this one was all wrapped up.

Sorry to tell you that it actually takes MORE effort to keep things working after you've progressed to this stage. People (mostly guys) seem to be under the misguided notion that once things go long-term, you're in for good. Now that you're established and comfortable, there's no more effort needed.

NOTHING could be further from the truth.

2) She's too familiar with you. She's feeling the pressing neediness and closeness that living with the person you are boffing creates. It's hard to sustain any excitement when you see a person every day, every night, every day, every night, every day, every ... you get the picture. Living with someone is only for a very mature, devoted relationship, and frankly it doesn't sound like you guys are ready for it. There's a saying - Familiarity breeds contempt. Ever wonder why? There's no mystery left for her.

And, don't tell me, I'll bet everything has become "routine" between you two. No romance for her. You probably aren't even enjoying the occasional sex as much as you used to. Why? Because it's got no OOMPH. No pizzaz. Nothing new to it.

Keeping a relationship working on this level takes a LOT of dedication and effort. You have to fight familiarity every single day of the week, and you have to make sure you're not falling into the trap of identifying with the relationship more than you are with yourself. Meaning, you still need to be separate people. Don't look to her to fill in your areas of inadequacy. You're still two separate, independent entities.

I'll bet something else: You've probably stopped behaving in ways that she initially found attractive. You've probably given up a lot of your private hobbies and passions to focus all on HER. (And she probably didn't even ask you to, either, did she?)

I know this may sound like I'm coming down rather gloomily on LTRs (Long Term Relationships) but the honest to gosh truth is that most people don't have what it takes to make them work.

**BUT**, how else do you learn how to have one than by having a few LTRs that fail? It's kind of a wicked conundrum, but it's necessary. This is the school that can ONLY teach you through your own failure, friends. Making relationships work is only possible by finding out how they DON'T work.

The problem, though, is when you don't know when to END the relationship that's taught you all you can learn.

This lesson is over for you, grasshopper. You must now take the path to enlightenment with the next woman. If you keep this sorry state of affairs up, in a couple weeks, the next thing you'll hear out of her mouth is: "I need some space." And then she might even cheat on you to make your misery all complete. Your only hope is to beat her to the punch and give her space NOW.

Don't try and reconcile. Don't lose your mind in an insane attempt to fix this relationship. (Because it can consume your very soul, my friend.) You'll get obsessed, but it will pass. If you latch onto that obsession and start acting on it, telling yourself that you can MAKE THIS WORK, you'll end any and all hope of reconciliation.

Just end this and walk away with your lesson. ONLY by taking this necessary step do you:

A) Learn what it is you and she did wrong
B) See things for what they were with the perspective distance provides
C) Stand a chance of seeing the error in your ways and change it so that you do stand a chance with her in the future.

Right now, you're walking down DOOM boulevard, and this journey of a thousand steps could end very very badly for you if you don't heed the warnings and learn from it.

But if you want to try to salvage something of this situation, I suggest you lean way back and lay off the heavy talk. Let the girl breathe. Then start acting the way you were when you two first got together. The reason she isn't giving you affection is because you're not giving her the excitement you once did.

All she really wants in the end is a man who is confident in himself. Confidence is communicated when you do not cling to any one woman, because that tells her right away that you think she's the only one you could get. (Which doesn't communicate to her that she's so special you can't imagine losing her. You may THINK that, but you may be hearing your insecurity rather than your genuine desire for her. Figure out which is which.)

Women everywhere are looking for men. Real men.

You don't have to grunt and squirt testosterone to be a man, but you've got to start somewhere. Hell, man, go rebuild an engine. Go climb a mountain. Reclaim your lost gender identity and pride.

Yeah, rejection sucks.

It's always a risk for a guy to put himself out there like that, letting a woman appraise you and decide yes or no ... Or when she tells you she needs space...

But IT'S OUR JOB. With a little understanding, you can improve your confidence going into situations like this, and that specter of rejection will leave you alone. It ALWAYS loses its sting the more you face it and put it into proper perspective. Abso-freakin-lutely, guaranteed.

Which leads me to this: You know that women are getting more and more picky about men, and they can sniff out inferior guys with just a whiff of your confidence. And to stand out you MUST have the edge on the other guys out there.

My e-book gives you the information and skills to get the women YOU want. Not settle for.

There are so many things you have to have down pat in the singles world.

Like, how do you NOT screw it up in those vital first couple minutes of meeting a woman?

You've heard me say this before: Getting laid is not about getting "lucky."

It's about having the right knowledge and understanding up front. Women are actually WAITING for men to date and sleep with, if you'll just give them the right reasons WHY they should be with YOU. It's deliberate and on-purpose, not subject to the whims of chance and fate.

BE the kind of man they are waiting for. That's all they ask of you.

I've worked for years to break down what it is that women are trying to tell you with their behavior, and finding out the hard way why being a "nice guy" is dooming you to failure.

You need this knowledge and understanding.

When you have that knowledge, you can make better choices and demonstrate better behaviors.

When you demonstrate better behavior, you will get better RESULTS.

CONTINUED...

______________________

My e-book -THE DATING BLACK BOOK- will help you get all of that ... and then some.

Just remember: Every man is self-made, but only the SUCCESSFUL admit it.

Where do you go for the information you need?

THE DATING BLACK BOOK has the complete breakdown of the dating scene, and it's ready for download right now, no matter where you are or what time it is in the world.

/ebookstore.htm

And the advanced audio series is also finally ready to help you build on that knowledge and take your success to the extreme. Imagine having a coach giving you tips, strategies, and a complete breakdown on how to improve your technique and success with women - first hand. You can listen to this audio RIGHT NOW on your PC or Mac, and you can even use your MP3 player to take the learning and go mobile. Put it on your i-pod!

The monthly audio series is over 80 minutes of advice and explosive tips, and it's available for download at:
/audioprogram.htm

You see, the first 30-60 days of any dating relationship with a woman is THE most volatile, since almost ALL the mistakes are made here. If you last past this point, chances are you'll be able to keep her for as long as you like.

If you've ever found yourself saying, "I don't understand women!" then my e-book and audio coaching will finally give you the knowledge you need to finally understand. It's like getting a book that shows you how a certain magic trick is done that has fascinated you for years. You get to peek behind the scenes and learn how things REALLY work.

I remember when this realization hit me, and how excited I was. I stayed up that night writing out how I'd use the knowledge to improve my dating life. It wasn't until years later that I got around to writing the book on it, but I finally did it. And now you can download all these priceless strategies right now at: /ebookstore.htm

Is there ANYTHING else worth learning more than how to be successful with women?

If there is, you should let me know... because your priorities may be a little whacked.

-C

The secrets of compelling communication and persuasion are easy to learn.

Most guys don't approach women because they haven't got the SKILLS to APPROACH WOMEN. Once you have them, you'll feel less anxious and you'll actually DO IT.

It's time to learn the TRUTH about women ... and attraction.

It's all about your Inner Game...

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