Dating Advice for Men - How to Approach Women, Attract Women, and Dating Advice to Meet Girls

CARLOS XUMA -
DATING ADVICE FOR MEN NEWSLETTER:

The TRUTH About Dating and Attraction...

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QUESTION:

Today evening I was in a Card Shop and busy selecting a Card for my Sister. I noticed a cute female waking by me and near me 2-3 Times. I could sense she was interested to approach me. I felt I should talk to her, maybe ask her help me choose a card but then I talked myself out of it.

I am just abt starting on the dating field and am quite shy. So,should I have talked to her and just asked her help to choose a card and then walked away OR have asked her (A Total Stranger) for a movie? What would you have done in such a situation?

Do you approach Cute Girls you see in Shops/Movie halls etc and ask them out for a date-
If Yes, what do you say to them?

CARLOS: If you've read the free e-book, you know all you need to about what to say to a gal you meet, and I don't need to repeat that here. I do sense what is really going on here, and it's not your lack of knowing the right words to say to her. (By the way, your idea of having her help you choose a card is RIGHT ON THE MONEY. Perfect.)

Let's start with the issue of what NOT to do. You do NOT meet someone and immediately ask for a date or a movie. That's way too much too soon. You only want to get the chance to speak with her again. All you need for that is her phone number or email. Don't make it harder than it has to be.

Now, as to the issue of a "Total Stranger" ...

Just remember, EVERY one of your previous girlfriends and friends started out as a total stranger to you. Through circumstance, you got acquainted, and from there things took off.

Where are you going to start off the next romance?

Oddly enough, thinking in these terms will probably "click" something in your mind that will highlight just how important it is to get over the fear of rejection of new women. Chances are, you've already depleted your immediate pool of familiar females to ask out, so every woman after that is going to be "new" in some way.

You hit it on the head right there when you said, "I felt I should talk to her, maybe ask her help me choose a card but then I talked myself out of it."

What were you saying when you were self-sabotaging yourself?

- "She wouldn't be interested in me."
What, you can see the future? You can read her mind? No. That was just your insecurity talking.

- "She's probably got a boyfriend already."
Again, you can read her mind? She's got a tattoo that says, "I'm Marvin's Girlfriend, stay away" ?
That's a cop-out guys invent to avoid being rejected.

- "She's hit on all the time, and she's going to be mad if I do."
If she's really interested in you, do you think she's going to be mad you introduced yourself? No, I don't think so.

- "I don't want to be hurt if she says 'NO' to me. I don't want to be rejected."
You probably didn't acknowledge this on a conscious level, but this is the REAL message you were cooking in your brain. This is the root cause, and the real problem we need to address.

You said you could sense that she was interested to get near you, yet you talked yourself out of acting on it. Do you see the conflict of thoughts and reasoning here?

Chances are, she probably WAS interested, and since a woman will likely not approach you, all she will do is put herself within your range if she is interested. She's opening a door of opportunity. If you take it, you both win.

BUT if you don't, you both LOSE.

And the next guy that comes along who does something WINS instead of you.

Does that thought make you squirm a little? It should.

What I've discovered over the years is that if I want to be motivated to DO something (instead of hang back like a chump when an attractive women enters my sphere of influence) is that I have to either imagine the vivid pain I will feel after not doing anything, or the immense pleasure that can be mine if I DO act.

Those are the ONLY two options on the planet. Every time I fail to act, I immediately fail by default.

You guys know my saying: "You miss every single shot you don't take."

That is the pain I want to avoid.
I imagine it, feel it, taste it, see it, and I let it PISS ME OFF.

Then, I think about the possible PLEASURE of having her respond favorably, and I get her number. I steer myself away from the pain of wimping out, and toward the possible pleasure of success.

Risk -> reward.

What's underneath your fear of approaching her...? Why did you not act, even when you KNEW she was slightly interested?

A fear of rejection.

Rejection.

Here, consider this:

Most of the women that you're NOT interested in probably aren't interested in YOU, either. But you're not hurt by that, are you? Their approval doesn't matter.

Why not?

Because their judgment holds NO MEANING for you. You don't need their approval.

What you're doing is attaching meaning to a woman you don't even know yet based on your level of interest and attraction TO HER.

I see a few confused faces out there. Allow me to re-state:

SCENARIO 1:
It's 3:00 in the afternoon when you see a beautiful woman, and you talk yourself out of approaching her. At 3:05, what do you have? Nothing. Nada. Squat. Zero. Niente. You go on with life, but you've got a sick sense in your gut that you just lowered your value because you wimped. You failed to act like an Alpha dog and lost any chance of getting what you wanted. You THINK you got away without being rejected or hurt because you didn't take a risk, but a small voice inside you tells you you really didn't get away without being hurt... did you?

Remember: There is NO pain worse than the thought of selling yourself short every day and failing to act on your desires. Most guys are experts at hiding and distracting themselves from this pain.

SCENARIO 2:
It's 3:00 in the afternoon when you see a beautiful woman and you approach the woman instead of walking away. At 3:05 what do you have? You're either going to have her phone number (or email) in about 80+% of the time - if you use my methods - OR you're going to have nothing. Nada. Squat. Zero. Niente.
Understand that you stand a good chance for success. And, even if you don't get the number, by taking action you actually feel a little BETTER because you didn't chump out. No sick sensation. No selling yourself short. And chances are you made HER day a little better by showing a little interest. (Not to mention the process of developing a thicker hide so that future rejections won't even make you flinch.)

Which scenario leaves you with the best probability of success?

Let me give you a hint: SCENARIO 2.

Rejection is NEVER as bad as you imagine it.
AND
Rejection is only important to you if you believe you NEED HER APPROVAL.

And why would a strange woman who doesn't even KNOW YOU or anything ABOUT YOU have any ability to judge or grant you approval?

Is this getting through?

Shyness is common. I dealt with it for twenty or more years, until I realized that no woman is really attracted to "shy", and the only person who could change that was ME. No one would ever force me to show my personality. It's easier for someone to move on than overcome your barriers to them.

Shyness is not fatal unless you use it for your excuse not to act. So grab your inner shy-guy and bitch-slap him a few times. I'm not going to insult your intelligence or cripple your development with women by telling you that being shy is good for your singles life. It's not. It will take some effort, but it will be the best effort you EVER spend.

Take it from someone who's been there and bought the t-shirt: You don't have to turn from a shy-guy into an instant extroverted life-of-the-party, but you do have to risk exposing yourself. Don't end up in your 50s or 60s without having lived your life. Regret the things you DID, not the things you DIDN'T.

Rejection is life. You're being rejected all the time and not thinking twice about it. But the second an attractive woman enters your world, we lose all perspective and start to believe that her opinion of us is important enough to avoid facing it.

It's up to you which of these things to believe. I know this might sound like Anthony Robbins psycho-babble, but it's true. What you believe affects what you do every minute.

So forget the crazy analytical talk if you can grasp this realization:

Whenever you fail to try, you're just saying it's okay to keep on losing just a little while longer.

Is this too harsh? Too tough?

I don't think so.

Look, guys, there's a reason I don't give away a free hanky with your subscription to this newsletter. I'm here to give you the Dating TRUTH, whether it sits well with you or not. Those who have stuck it out here know that I'm not some self-help wannabe filling your head with sh*t about writing love poems or finding your inner "sacred self."

I'm here to try and revive the order of men who remember what it's like to still feel a pair down there. I talk with women ALL THE TIME that are sick to death of today's "girly man," guys who can't even change a tire or their own oil. I spoke with a woman I know over the weekend who rattled off a list of things she found attractive in a man, and it's amazing to hear them:

She wanted a rugged guy, one who could actually be useful, for one. (Here in San Francisco there's an amazing shortage of that.) She also wanted a guy who wasn't afraid to go after what he wanted. (Ambition/Goals.) She wanted a man who realized that masculinity has qualities women desire. All of her desires were for a man of ACTION, not a passive wait-and-see kind of guy.

You don't have to grunt and squirt testosterone to be a man, but you've got to start somewhere. Hell, man, go rebuild an engine. Go climb a mountain. Reclaim your lost gender identity.

Yeah, rejection sucks.

I really do understand this situation. It's always a risk for a guy to put himself out there like that, letting a woman appraise you and decide yes or no ...

But IT'S OUR JOB. With a little understanding, you can improve your confidence going into situations like this, and that specter of rejection will leave you alone. It ALWAYS loses its sting the more you face it and put it into proper perspective. Abso-freakin-lutely, guaranteed.

Which leads me to this: You know that women are getting more and more picky about men, and they can sniff out inferior guys with just a whiff of your confidence. And to stand out you MUST have the edge on the other guys out there.

My e-book gives you the information and skills to get the women YOU want. Not settle for.

There are so many things you have to have down pat in the singles world.

Like, how do you NOT screw it up in those vital first couple minutes of meeting a woman?

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You've heard me say this before: Getting laid is not about getting "lucky."

It's about having the right knowledge and understanding up front. Women are actually WAITING for men to date and sleep with, if you'll just give them the right reasons WHY they should be with YOU. It's deliberate and on-purpose, not subject to the whims of chance and fate.

BE the kind of man they are waiting for. That's all they ask of you.

I've worked for years to break down what it is that women are trying to tell you with their behavior, and finding out the hard way why being a "nice guy" is dooming you to failure.

You need this knowledge and understanding.

When you have that knowledge, you can make better choices and demonstrate better behaviors.

When you demonstrate better behavior, you will get better RESULTS.

Ba-da-bing, ba-da-boom. Don't make me send Tony Soprano over there to wake you up.

My e-book -THE DATING BLACK BOOK- will help you get all of that ... and then some.

Just remember: Every man is self-made, but only the SUCCESSFUL admit it.

Where do you go for the information you need?

THE DATING BLACK BOOK has the complete breakdown of the dating scene, and it's ready for download right now, no matter where you are or what time it is in the world.

/ebookstore.htm

And the advanced audio series is also finally ready to help you build on that knowledge and take your success to the extreme. Imagine having a coach giving you tips, strategies, and a complete breakdown on how to improve your technique and success with women - first hand. You can listen to this audio RIGHT NOW on your PC or Mac, and you can even use your MP3 player to take the learning and go mobile. Put it on your i-pod!

The monthly audio series is over 80 minutes of advice and explosive tips, and it's available for download at:
/audioprogram.htm

You see, the first 30-60 days of any dating relationship with a woman is THE most volatile, since almost ALL the mistakes are made here. If you last past this point, chances are you'll be able to keep her for as long as you like.

If you've ever found yourself saying, "I don't understand women!" then my e-book and audio coaching will finally give you the knowledge you need to finally understand. It's like getting a book that shows you how a certain magic trick is done that has fascinated you for years. You get to peek behind the scenes and learn how things REALLY work.

I remember when this realization hit me, and how excited I was. I stayed up that night writing out how I'd use the knowledge to improve my dating life. It wasn't until years later that I got around to writing the book on it, but I finally did it. And now you can download all these priceless strategies right now at: /ebookstore.htm

Is there ANYTHING else worth learning more than how to be successful with women?

If there is, you should let me know... because your priorities may be a little whacked.

-C

Listen to Chris from San Francisco, CA, tell you the Straight Truth...

It's all about your Inner Game...

Discover your inner Alpha Man - NOW

Click HERE to learn more...

Listen to what the other gurus are saying about Carlos' work..."I've read every book and studied every system on dating. The problem with most 'gurus' in this field is that they're not teaching men how to build a solid foundation. Until you change your internal belief system and adopt an Alpha mindset, all the
		tactics and techniques in the world aren't going to do you any good. (Actually, it's like learning just enough karate to get your ass kicked!) Carlos Xuma is the best there is at teaching men how to develop their 'inner game.' From
		there, he'll give you the complete set of tools for approaching women, and life, with absolute confidence and skill. If you're in this game to win it, these are the rules you need to learn."
- "Supreme", M.A.C.K. Tactics co-creator 

		"Carlos Xuma is a man who has a clear passion for imparting the success with women he has experienced to other guys worldwide. He approaches his craft with immense integrity and a distinct style!"

- Scot McKay, X & Y Communications, DeserveWhatYouWant.com
		"Carlos Xuma is the REAL DEAL! If you are serious about creating an extraordinary relationship. You will learn more about the needs and desires of women than they do themselves! I highly recommend
		Carlos to any man who is ready to get the woman of his dreams. I love his game, its 100% real."

- The Dean, Dating4Men.com
		"Carlos Xuma is one of those rare guys in the field who actually GETS what interacting with women is all about. His advice goes beyond the pick-up lines and approach techniques that so many guys use and fail with. Rather, Carlos gives guys everywhere practical,
		valuable advice that will make men attractive not just for one night, but for many, many years. He lays down the foundation for becoming a NATURALLY attractive man, full of confidence and the ability to fully ENJOY being around hot babes.

		Unlike other pickup artists, Carlos shares information that helps you not only in one area of life, but in many: in social relationships, at work, sports, with personal goals. He'll help make you a well-rounded, self-believing alpha MAN who's capable of just
		about anything. And seducing gorgeous, high-quality women, is just the beginning."

- James Brito, How to Be Irresistible to Women
        "Carlos Xuma is one of the few men in the 'seduction' or 'attraction' community who digs beneath the surface of passing attraction, and Explores what it is to be a man who attracts women by virtue of his character and, consequently, the natural outward expression of high character.

		He brings words like 'discipline' and 'integrity' to the forefront, and waddya know, those are exactly the qualities women truly crave in a man."

- Grant Adams, CEO - net2bed.com"Hey Carlos, I write about the biology of men and women's behavior. You seem to know the biology of behavior without knowing it. How do you do that? You have a deep intuition of dynamics - it took me 7 years of academic research to discover. And you find sharp ways to apply it practically... Keep up the good work, brother."

		- Joe Quirk, Author of "Sperm are from Men, Eggs are from Women"