The TRUTH About Dating and Attraction...

Friday, 12:50 AM: Carlos Xuma's Desk...

QUESTION: Why do women tell guys this message when it's so clearly wrong?

I've always wondered why my mom told me that line about women wanting to be treated like a princess. She basically raised me (my dad was always away for work, and eventually they got divorced.)

And whenever we talked about girls when I was in high school, she told me to always treat a woman "nice." I assumed this meant that I should treat her like royalty, and that the more I adored her, the more she'd love me back.

Now I'm finding that what you say is true: Women really don't want a man that gives them what they want. They seem to want the guy they CAN'T get.

Why do women tell guys this message when it's so clearly wrong?

-Jim, Memphis, TN

CARLOS XUMA'S ADVICE:

It's not just wrong, Jim, it's downright DAMAGING.

You're right that women do give off mixed and confusing messages, and more often than not, it's not a deliberate attempt to misinform. It's simply a form of the "Telephone Game."

Do you remember playing it? Sitting in a circle, one kid would whisper a sentence they read off a card to the person next to them, and then each person would whisper it all around the ring. The last person to hear the sentence would stand up and say what they heard aloud, and then the first person would read the original sentence again.

They were usually completely different, and in a funny way.

The same thing happens inside a woman's mind. Her emotions communicate to her thoughts. Her thoughts then get translated to her lips as words. And when the final message is picked up by your ears and interpreted by the Male Mind, the meaning is almost totally different than her original intent.

You have to remember that women speak "Emotion-ese." And it's not a tongue that guys are particularly savvy to.

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Here's the message YOU hear:

"Women want me to be a Nice Guy - to treat her like a princess."

Here's what you DO (all of them wrong, by the way):

- Buy her gifts.
- Giving in to all her requests and demands.
- Fear her anger.
- Avoid her emotions.

Now, here's what women REALLY mean when they say, "I want a Nice Guy..."

TRANSLATION: "I want a man who won't MIS-treat me, AND he makes me FEEL like a woman - more than I can for myself."

The ultimate proof of an Alpha Man - the factor that decides whether she loves or she leaves - is the feeling of completion in HERSELF that she feels when she's with him.

You see, it's not like that hokey Jerry Maguire "You complete me" nonsense. No one really completes another person. That's neurotic, dysfunctional, and doomed.

What completes a woman is the way you bring out the best in HER.

How do you do this?

By providing a masculine power and presence around her at all times.

- Instead of buying her something (which feels like prostitution more than affection), give her an experience like she's never had before
- Instead of giving in, CHALLENGE her. Show her a man that can handle the temporary disapproval of a woman. (More and more rare these days, but ask any sane woman and she'll tell you it's a requirement.)
- Instead of fearing her anger, remember that respect is always more important. No woman respects a man that fears her. Stop using television sitcom husbands as role models.
- Instead of avoiding her emotions, let them flow past you like the wind. They are made of as much substance. After her storm has passed, your ability stand and ignore her "acting up" is what separates you from the boys who run scared from unfamiliar experience.

The Alpha Man always acts with his best interests in mind - knowing that if she is the right woman for him, those best interests are also HERS.

She doesn't want a Nice Guy; she wants an Alpha Man that knows how to hear what she's FEELING, not what she's saying.

QUESTION: How do you develop this attitude or mindset?

While reading your e-book and listening to your audio coaching, I recently came across your take on someone's attitude when meeting women and how they should have a specific mindset.

Well, how do you actually change your mindset or thinking? For example, do you just recite out loud the new ideas in your head over and over or what?

As I read about how to be more cocky and funny, I realized I had been mostly working on the lines and jokes. Then I realized that it was actually cocky and funny ATTITUDE. I guessed that it's the attitude that you must work on rather than the jokes and lines, and that you must have a specific mindset (and character) when approaching a women to become successful at doing this.

Well, my question is, how do you develop this attitude or mindset?

CARLOS XUMA'S ADVICE:

Yes, it's always about ATTITUDE. You're absolutely right on.

You see, you can do just about anything with a woman and it will work - IF you have the right attitude.

However, if you have the wrong attitude, NOTHING you do will work.

Why is this?

Part of it is due to your body language and a ton of subtext and sub-communication that is going on when you talk to a woman.

Scientific studies have proven that 83% of all communication occurs at a level outside of the words you speak. In other words, the actual things you say are only 17% of the actual communication that's going on. Everything else is eye contact, tone, inflection, body posture, pacing, etc.

That's why it's so important that you say things with conviction and attitude. Everything you say should communicate intense Alpha Man Confidence.

You cannot communicate what you don't believe.

CONTINUED...

______________________

Listen to TV preachers for an example. You can tell when they're communicating with conviction. You can hear it and see it, and it's moving. Even over the thousands of miles of distance to your television screen, you FEEL what they're communicating.

All great speakers have this power, and even average guys like you and me can learn how to use it.

Your question about how you change your thinking is directly related to this concept. That's where you need to start new habits of thinking. It all starts with recognizing WHAT you're thinking, and either ignoring those thoughts or changing them to serve you.

Ignoring our thoughts is often too difficult, even when we know they're negative or wrong. Thoughts are habitual and familiar, and tough to shake. The there's fear always trying to get in the way. It's usually our fears that stop us from acting like the person we want to be.

So the easiest way to change your thinking is to simply ACT like the person you want to be. Jump right into the driver's seat, and stop thinking it through. It all starts with BEHAVIOR.

The quickest way to change your thinking is to change your behavior. The more you act like the person you want to be, the more that these thoughts and attitudes will start to creep in and become part of your character. If you ACT confident and sure, you'll FEEL confident and sure.

Think about it: You can't smile and laugh without feeling good inside. It's just not possible. That's an example of action influencing thought. In the same way, it's impossible to go up to 20 women and introduce yourself without feeling more confident about the process of approaching women after you've done it.

You've got to train your mind to be confident and cocky. It's the action that gets you to start changing your thinking. You can't just change all your thoughts in one minute, suddenly jump into the game of attraction, and expect to be an overnight success.

Start by trying a bunch of approaches, and then learn from them. Go out and don't be afraid to make mistakes. Screw a bunch of them up. So what! There are more women on this planet than you have time to meet.

The road to success is paved with many mistakes. You only need to make MORE mistakes, learn and improve, and then your fear will disappear. That's what separates the Alpha Men from the stay-at-home beta guys who never get laid.

Go and tease a few women, be a little cocky. Show her that you don't need her to approve of you (this is very important) and then you will start to get the 'attitude.' You might even have to start by faking it until you make it, but it WILL come to you.

Your attitude is mixed right in there with your actions and behavior. It's not a separate ingredient, like adding eggs to your cake batter. You develop the right attitude with both behavior AND words.

Your "attitude" is simply this one way of thinking: "I DON'T CARE WHAT SHE THINKS ABOUT ME."

That sounds so simple, but 95% of all guys go at the game of approaching and attracting women with an attitude that her opinion (or possible rejection) will crush him if she doesn't like him. Guys mistakenly believe that a woman's thoughts somehow MATTER.

Remember, no one makes you inferior without your permission, guys.

It's all about using your strengths and attitudes to communicate an Alpha Man attitude to women. Once you can communicate independence and strength, you're most of the way there.

The secrets of compelling communication and persuasion are easy to learn.

Most guys don't approach women because they haven't got the SKILLS to APPROACH WOMEN. Once you have them, you'll feel less anxious and you'll actually DO IT.

It's time to learn the TRUTH about women ... and attraction.

It's all about your Inner Game...

Discover your inner Alpha Man - NOW

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