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CARLOS XUMA -
DATING ADVICE FOR MEN NEWSLETTER: |
The TRUTH About Dating and Attraction...
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Saturday, 11:15 AM: Carlos Xuma's Desk...
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ALPHA MALE QUESTION:
As far back as I can remember I have had trouble in one area of demonstrating my Alpha Man Power. I hope you can help� To give you some background I have always been labeled as shy and introverted BUT thanks to all your awesome programs (the dating black book, advanced audio coaching, and the secrets of the alpha man) I have grown by leaps and bounds.
I�m able to approach women in the cold market on a daily basis and I have even improved my carrier with my ability to demonstrate my personality. Most importantly I feel confident and more of a man without the fear of changing and going after what I want!
Thank you for that! So here�s the problem, I�m fine socially when talking one on one or even in a small group when things are fairly low key and not too wild. But when I�m with a group of friends at a bar or restaurant and things start become loud and fast pace (banter between people picks up speed) I can actually feel myself slip into shy mode.
I actually feel like I can�t catch up to everyone�s witty comments and as people become louder and louder I get quieter and quieter until I almost feel paralyzed�like I can�t say anything and my energy is being drained right out of me. I still try to make comments here and there but because I hardly talk in these situations it always feels awkward and like I have interrupted the flow of the conversation.
The worst part of this is that it communicates a lack of confidence and control and women can obviously sniff this out a mile away and boy do they run. My friends girl said, �You seem quiet tonight, are you a little out of your element.� I told her I was extremely tired BUT the truth was I did feel out of my element. I�ve tried to fight this for years and I�m not happy to admit it but I tend avoid these situations. I know I can overcome this but I�m not sure how. Thanks Carlos for your insight, B Colorado
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CARLOS: This is an excellent question.
I have something to confess ... I have felt the same way in social situations MANY times.
I used to feel like everyone else was "on" except for me, and I hated the fact that I couldn't seem to keep up.
Here's a few ways to avoid this syndrome:
1) Stop putting so much pressure on yourself to perform at such a high level. The ironic thing is that the more you feel you have to be the super-witty cool guy, the less you can be. It has to come from a place of RELAXED confidence. Not uptight fear.
2) Feel free to start your own conversation threads. Use the tactics from the Approach Women program to take control of the conversation. Make the conversation what you want on YOUR terms.
Sometimes that "witty banter" is really just crap. It's dumb put-downs and non-sequiters that have no real substance. Everyone is acting like this is cool conversation, but it's really boring crap.
CREATE a cool conversation.
Start something yourself like, "Hey, have you guys ever wondered if there are gay dogs?" or:
"Hey if you were a candy flavor, which one would you be?" or:
"Did you ever walk in on your parents getting it on? What happened?"
The bottom line is to not try to compete. Instead, Be the LEADER.
Just because everyone seems to be all giggles over the witty banter doesn't mean it's very interesting conversation. I call this "cotton candy." Short, sweet, gone in a heartbeat.
And that girl's comment about you being "out of your element" was a way of lowering your status in the group. Her way of putting you down and making her superior to you, as if her "element" means that you aren't able to keep up.
Don't let her get away with a comment like that again.
Define things in your own terms. Just because it SEEMS cool doesn't mean it IS cool.
Find a way to stake your own claim in the conversation. Be known as the silent and thoughtful guy.
That's how I turned my reputation around in groups. I took the time to craft my responses and blew them away with the depth of my understanding.
No one makes you feel inferior without your permission.
CONTINUED...
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CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE...
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QUESTION:
My situation is this, I lost this girl by playing the "I'm not interested in you" after we already started sleeping together. She moved on and "dumped" me because she was looking for a relationship and I wasn't (or I didn't act like I wanted one). And she got a boyfriend.
I didn't realize that there needed to be a shift from PU mindset to a relationship mindset. Anyways, lesson learned. Now, I'd be okay with never talking to her again, really. But every so often, 3-4 months or so, we'll run into each other because parts of our social circles overlap. If I don't talk to her, it'll be weird.
I think, given what we had, we should at least be on good terms. In the same sense, I don't want to put too much effort into being friends with her because if I did I would look like the "loser" who is trying to get her back. I think she would percieve it as that anyways. And when I see her see is usually with her boyfriend. And me walking up and talking to both of them would probably be weird for everyone.
I'm not even thinking about trying to get her back. That boat has sailed. How would you handle a situation like this.
CARLOS: Ahhhhhhhhh! This is such a breath of fresh air. Usually guys are always writing with the question of how to get her back. Finally I hear from a guy who gets it. You can't go back and fix what you broke with a woman when you don't show her the right stuff at the start.
When guys take the Red Pill that I give them, they realize that they screwed things up.
It's like pulling a winning ticket to the lottery out of your coat pocket, only it was for a lottery in 1983. Now you know better, but it's just too late.
When you realize what you did wrong, suddenly you want to go back and fix it.
But you don't, and that's the most reassuring thing I've heard all day.
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So you know what I'd probably do?
I'd buddy up with her new boyfriend. Make friends with him. If you do it in a non-obtrusive way, it will reassure her that you are capable of handling things maturely. Then you'll be able to intersect with her social group more comfortably later on.
What you bring up is interesting, though. There does need to be a change of mindset - slightly - from PUA to regular guy if you want to keep a long term relationship going. You can't keep things going exactly the same way, because you have to start being a bit more vulnerable and open with a woman you want to keep around. This doesn't mean you immediately start getting all wimpy on her and kissing her ass. It just means that a woman needs some romancing and maintenance attention that you have to hold back on initially.
Another way you can keep her acquaintance would be to start saying hello to her in passing every so often. Do it in a way that doesn't give her an opportunity to respond, so that it doesn't seem as if you're looking for rekindling anything. Just say hello to her just as you pass by her somewhere. Flash her about a half-second of eye contact, and look like you're on your way to something pressing and urgent (which you should be.)
Don't make any direct attempts to keep the friendship going, because that might get misinterpreted as chump behavior, but don't send any negative mojo her way.
The Alpha Male is the kind of guy who isn't concerned with other people's opinions, but knows that his reputation should be protected anyways.
How would you like to get started on this path now?
Don't ignore that little voice inside you right now that's telling you to take action. It's the one part of you that you can trust.
All the good stuff is inside this book. And you can get it here:
https://www.datingdynamics.com
Oh, and I've got an e-book and 6-CD audio program you'll want to see, and this new program covers every part of your self-confidence and INNER game.
This program covers ALL aspects of overcoming your shyness, fears, and insecurities with women (and with life) and gets you on the path to TOTAL self-confidence.
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First of all, you need my e-book - The Dating Black Book. I've packed this e-book with HUNDREDS of examples, tips, strategies, explanations, what to say, what to do, how to interpret situations, and how to clean up that stinkin' thinkin' ...
Listen to what this guy has to say about it, and how he's learned from the program:
"The negative self-talk was killing me for decades, that's my motivation for doing this. No woman is going to give me s*x out of pity. s*x is just a mindless fat-burning exercise like climbing the StairMaster; it's the skill I want so I won't become co-dependent. Being desired is the prize I'm looking for, and I need to accept myself first.
"I had a very attractive woman 6 years ago who was even needier than me... like a small child hanging off my arm... it mirrored my own insecurities and made me very uncomfortable. That's how I made other women feel and they left or never felt attraction, not because they were confirming my cooked-up negative fantasies I thought was their impression of me.
"As for my past, WHO CARES!!!!! Those are the two most relieving words I have ever adopted.
"Glad to be in your bootcamp.. - C.H."
There are more testimonials at the bottom of this email for you to read...
This new e-book and audio will guide you through exercises, tips, and strategies for changing your life RIGHT NOW. It's not just about getting more women (even though that's a really great side-effect of this program), but we show you the way to a more successful LIFE - business, family, social, financial... everything!
I've even thrown in a few extra bonuses that you're going to want to grab with this offer, too. I've spent the last year creating this great program, including the best of our Advanced Audio Coaching Sessions, with 34 all new tracks specifically aimed at this topic, and HUNDREDS of pages of new advice on how to get your game together with women.
You can see the complete list of contents here at:
http://www.alphaseduction.com
If you order today, I'll send you the 393 page e-book RIGHT AWAY so you can get started.
Just remember: Every man is self-made, but only the SUCCESSFUL admit it.
I'll be back with more advice soon ...
- Carlos
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CONTINUED...
______________________
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TESTIMONIALS:
"Dear Carlos, Your program is a "killer..."
It helped me to get rid of many traits of the so called "nice guy" - shyness, indecisiveness, "ass-kissing", etc.
... It boosted significantly my love and s*x life. Not only [this] ... It helped me to be more successful in doing business, I can now easily spot when somebody wants to "walk over me" and try to make me submissive as usually women do. Thanks a lot!
My best wishes to you!"
- S.D.
Sofia, Bulgaria
"I LOVE your Secrets of the Alpha Man program. It is by far the best overall e-book and audio program online that I have read....and I have done my research and read all the popular e-books and what not.
"I already was having a lot of success prior to the program but my success has doubled since reading the e-book and listening to the audio." - D.
"... About your Alpha Man program... It's bad ass. I'm only halfway through the book (200pgs) and halfway through the CD's. It's really phenomenal..." - T. T.
"Carlos, I purchased the Alpha Male program recently and I must say it�s the best investment I have ever made in my own personal development. I have had seeds of thought and insight on some of things you talk about in the books and tapes, but now I�m getting a fuller picture of what it takes to be a real man. It�s incredible..." - B., Colorado
"Hey Carlos ... Listen, I want to thank you for all of your work in these CDs and e-books. I've only had them for about a week and I've already made some major breakthroughs. You opened my eyes in being an Alpha Male.
"I was recently getting to know this girl... and I was being the "nice guy." Boy! the way you described the steps a man goes through to get to "she's the one for me" is right on target! I was able to step back... put her in her place on the phone and in person--it felt GREAT (so empowering!). I ended up not liking who she is and have moved on since.
"Also, I went to a club the other day... and I usually don't because I don't know how to dance that great--but I did anyway. I applied your exercise where you don't look at the final outcome... you just take the first step... and be an alpha man there.
"Well, I felt powerful and by the end of the night I was leading this girl around the club by her hand (taking charge), ordering two beers and sitting down with her with my arm around her like an alpha man should. She was so into our conversation and I felt like I was totally in charge.
"Oh, and yes... I danced with 5 gorgeous girls that we had dinner with. Damn! it was good.
Carlos... seriously... thanks!"
- 'D' Los Angeles, CA
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The secrets of compelling communication and persuasion are easy to learn.
Most guys don't approach women because they haven't got the SKILLS to APPROACH WOMEN. Once you have them, you'll feel less anxious and you'll actually DO IT.
It's time to learn the TRUTH about women ... and attraction.
It's all about your Inner Game...
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Discover your inner Alpha Man - NOW
Click HERE to learn more...
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Listen to what the other gurus are saying about Carlos' work...
"I've read every book and studied every system on dating. The problem with most 'gurus' in this field is that they're not teaching men how to build a solid foundation. Until you change your internal belief system and adopt an Alpha mindset, all the
tactics and techniques in the world aren't going to do you any good. (Actually, it's like learning just enough karate to get your ass kicked!) Carlos Xuma is the best there is at teaching men how to develop their 'inner game.' From
there, he'll give you the complete set of tools for approaching women, and life, with absolute confidence and skill. If you're in this game to win it, these are the rules you need to learn."
- "Supreme", M.A.C.K. Tactics co-creator
"Carlos Xuma is a man who has a clear passion for imparting the success with women he has experienced to other guys worldwide. He approaches his craft with immense integrity and a distinct style!"
- Scot McKay, X & Y Communications, DeserveWhatYouWant.com
"Carlos Xuma is the REAL DEAL! If you are serious about creating an extraordinary relationship. You will learn more about the needs and desires of women than they do themselves! I highly recommend
Carlos to any man who is ready to get the woman of his dreams. I love his game, its 100% real."
- The Dean, Dating4Men.com
"Carlos Xuma is one of those rare guys in the field who actually GETS what interacting with women is all about. His advice goes beyond the pick-up lines and approach techniques that so many guys use and fail with. Rather, Carlos gives guys everywhere practical,
valuable advice that will make men attractive not just for one night, but for many, many years. He lays down the foundation for becoming a NATURALLY attractive man, full of confidence and the ability to fully ENJOY being around hot babes.
Unlike other pickup artists, Carlos shares information that helps you not only in one area of life, but in many: in social relationships, at work, sports, with personal goals. He'll help make you a well-rounded, self-believing alpha MAN who's capable of just
about anything. And seducing gorgeous, high-quality women, is just the beginning."
- James Brito, How to Be Irresistible to Women
"Carlos Xuma is one of the few men in the 'seduction' or 'attraction' community who digs beneath the surface of passing attraction, and Explores what it is to be a man who attracts women by virtue of his character and, consequently, the natural outward expression of high character.
He brings words like 'discipline' and 'integrity' to the forefront, and waddya know, those are exactly the qualities women truly crave in a man."
- Grant Adams, CEO - net2bed.com
"Hey Carlos, I write about the biology of men and women's behavior. You seem to know the biology of behavior without knowing it. How do you do that? You have a deep intuition of dynamics - it took me 7 years of academic research to discover. And you find sharp ways to apply it practically... Keep up the good work, brother."
- Joe Quirk, Author of "Sperm are from Men, Eggs are from Women"
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