The TRUTH About Dating and Attraction...

Thursday, 4:15 PM: Carlos Xuma's Desk...

"I got a chance to read your book on Sunday and most of labor day (I'm still not done with it yet)... Man, it's everything you said it would be. I'm so far very impressed... You did your thing on the book. Thanks for opening my eyes on topics where others failed to even slightly touch on." - Will

Remember: Every woman out there has her own insecurities and fears. Remember that you have the advantage of strategies and logic on your side, and all you need to do is exercise emotional CONTROL.

QUESTION:

I understood your strategies very well but I seem to have a problem when somebody asks me what do I think of her looks.

So here is an example:
Once a girl I just met and I was starting to flirt with asked me what do I think about her, about how does she look in my eyes. I started to think: if I told her she looks good she would get overconfident and I would lose the control cause she would know that I'm on to her. If I would told her that she does have something but she doesn't look very good to me she would get frustrated and I would lose my oppurtunities.

I forget to tell you that I liked the woman and wouldn't be there I weren't interested in her. So I told her that I think she already knows the answer, and she responded affirmatively but she insisted on my answer.

So I had to tell her that she looks good and I like her personality which I think is interesting. Afterwards I thought about this and I couldn't figure it out what could be the right answer so that I wouldn't be like all the other guys who would tell her that she looks good. I thought of telling her that she looks acceptable or something but I don't know if it would be the best option.What would you think it could be the best answer?

CARLOS:

Well, you did pretty good there. You obviously understand how her attraction mechanism works when you realized that if you told her what you were thinking, she'd get overconfident.

You also understood that all the other guys are probably falling all over themselves, telling her how beautiful she is, and how they're SO in LOOOOVE with her... Choke ... gag.... cough ....

So she insisted on an answer, huh?

Let's play this one out.

She insisted, so you gave her an answer. Great. You then lost all the mystery you once had with her. You see, her wondering is always working to your benefit. Trust me, a woman doesn't dump a guy just because she can't get the information she wants ... In fact, she'll stick around longer just to find out.

Think about it: If you didn't know what she thought about you and your looks, it would probably keep you up at night, right? Well it's about twice as effective with women, because they LOVE to wonder about this.

So what would have happened if you hadn't told her?

Well? I'm waiting.

Would she have said, "You know, since you didn't tell me, I can't see you anymore" ?

Uh, no.

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Not giving in would have just made her MORE interested in seeing you. You would have jacked up the mystery a notch while you were at it.

So don't give me that line about "she insisted." What that really translates to is: "I didn't have the self-restraint, and I figured that if I didn't tell her what she wanted to know, she wouldn't approve of me anymore. And because I didn't want to risk having an attractive woman mad at me, I gave in and told her."

Your first step is to TEASE her about her looks. If she wants to know, then she's uncertain about what you think of her (i.e., insecure) and she's looking for validation. A woman is always uncertain about her appearance. The only thing that gives you an edge is keeping her uncertain WITH YOU so she doesn't look for the next guy who she "can't figure out."

Be careful here. The best thing you can communicate is that it's obvious she's attractive, but you're not about to tell her in words. Don't insult her or say anything mean. Try:

"I dunno, I guess you're okay... for a girl. Do you have any cooties?"

OR

"Well, since you're not disfigured in any major way, and you haven't scared away the bartender, I'll let you hang out with me."

OR

"Are you fishing for a compliment? Wow, you must REALLY like me."

Here's another tactic - Compliment her on something that NO ONE ever does. Instead of telling her about her appearance, tell her something like:

"You know, I'm sure you're wondering if I'm going to tell you how pretty you are, or how beautiful your eyes are... but I'm not. I see something so much more interesting ... you have this electric energy about you ... I think you've got a real charge that emanates from the deepest part inside of you."

You might think this sounds corny, but she will eat it up and lick the crumbs off the floor.

And beg you for more.

But ... if you want to know the Grandmaster technique ...

The best answer would have been NO answer.

Let me tell you how this works:

When a woman wants to know something, and you don't want to tell her, you have to be ready to mess with her, and also be ready in advance for any repercussions. You can't bet in this game if you don't have the balls to back up your posture. If the thought of her getting mad at you is more than you can bear, just take out your balls and hand them over to her right now.

The best answer is NO answer.
So, what you do is deflect it.

Your final answer to her when and if it seems as if she's not going to drop the issue is this:

"What, are you insecure or something? Are you worried that I won't like you anymore?" (With a hint of a smile.)

There. You just laid all the cards out on the table and basically exposed the real issue: her insecurity.

You'll know you've hit her peak frustration level when she finally says: "Why do you keep avoiding my question?"

And the answer to that is: "I think you're really avoiding telling me why you need to know so badly. And besides, you wouldn't respect a guy who did everything you said, would you?" and then, "So tell me what YOU think about your looks."

Trust me, if you dodge the questions effectively (meaning that you don't seem like you're a wimp and don't let her think if she pushes enough she'll get what she wants), she will eventually back down. She'll realize that she's not going to get her way.

It's been my experience, though, that most guys don't have the willpower to resist telling a woman what they're thinking, and SHE KNOWS THIS. It's one of their tests. If you give up this information, she feels a little let down inside. "Oh, man," she thinks. "And he was doing so good up to that point. I was getting more and more excited wondering, and now I've lost that thrill."

She probably won't even consciously recognize that this is the reason, but her heart will feel the letdown.

You hit it on the head when you said: "I forget to tell you that I liked the woman and wouldn't be there if I weren't interested in her."

You're exactly right, but you didn't realize that SHE knew that, too. Every woman knows instinctually when you're digging her. Men can't help but give it away with their looks and comments. And if there's no other evidence, the only thing she needs as evidence is the fact that YOU'RE THERE WITH HER. The fact that you're out with her is enough proof.

That tells the whole story.

I used to fall into this same trap all the time. A woman would quiz me, and I'd feel obligated to answer her questions.

Then, I saw what was going on. It became so clear that women don't want men who just chase around after them like lost puppies and do whatever they say. They don't want "Nice Guys" who give them everything they want. (That's the problem! Most every guy gives a woman exactly what she SAYS she wants!)

Then I started to connect the dots and understand just what was happening and why. I saw through the manipulations, the silent-treatments, the games... I finally understood why they wouldn't call, and what it was I was doing (and NOT doing) to get these results.

Listen to what these guys had to say:

"Practical dating advice every week! I read your column with great pleasure and try to use the mentioned tactics in my own everyday life. All I can say is - Dating Dynamics WORKS!" - D.B.

"Just wanted to drop you a note of thanks for your contribution to males everywhere (if they are smart enough to do something about it). I am reading your Black Book and am finding it quite impressive the more I read it...�Your book has loaded my mind with information. I know I will succeed.�� I'm getting back on the upward spiral.�I'm starting to talk to more women, I'll date them when I'm ready..." - D.M.

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And there's plenty more testimonials at the site:
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Download the book, read it, review the strategies, and put it to work for you right away. If you don't feel that it's the incredible, insightful, and invaluable tool I've made it out to be, you can simply ask for a refund.

I'm in this for the help I can give you, educating men to do better in their lives in the one thing that has eluded us for thousands of years - SUCCESS WITH WOMEN.

Is there anything more important?

You see, the first 30-60 days of any dating relationship with a woman is THE most volatile, since almost ALL the mistakes are made here. If you last past this point, chances are you'll be able to keep her for as long as you like.

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I remember when this realization hit me, and how excited I was. I stayed up that night writing out how I'd use the knowledge to improve my dating life. It wasn't until years later that I got around to writing the book on it, but I finally did it. And now you can download all these priceless strategies right now at: /ebookstore.htm

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If there is, you should let me know...

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