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CARLOS XUMA -
DATING ADVICE FOR MEN NEWSLETTER: |
The TRUTH About Dating and Attraction...
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Thursday, 8:00 AM: Carlos Xuma's Desk...
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QUESTION:
Here is my success story and dilema at the same time.
As all the 100 other stories you get, I suppose I will start the same way. I met this great girl. She is fun to be around and has a great personality. She is definitely honest and loyal. The first couple of weeks I would see her once or twice a week and we would hang out and do something fun together.
The first time I ever hung out with her, I convinced her to cook me dinner at my place. OH...IT WAS GOOD and it worked like a charm. I could tell she was in to me by her body language, but I played it cool and was very relaxed and laid back.
We got on the subject of dates one fine evening and I told her "Girls don't know what it is like to setup and run a date." She said "Yes they do." So I challenged her to take me on a good date and I would rate how good she was doing. HAHA...It was a blast.
She took me to a baseball game, then a nice walk along a river and after that we had dinner. We finished the date off at her place. :) I pulled off all the tricks girls pull on dates like: open car/all doors and be bitchy about things. She payed for everything and I was just having fun playing hard to get. It was a great success.
This hanging out here and there continued and we started dating after a few months. I would throw out cocky and funny comments here and there and she wouldn't really know what to do and was sometimes speechless.
It kinda didn't bother me that much in the beginning, but overtime I missed the aspect of verbal forplay! I am pretty sure she doesn't understand the whole process of verbal battling and how much fun it can be.
I know it takes a while to understand the aspect of cocky and funny. I was just wandering what your thoughts are about "trying to teach a girlfriend or any girl some cocky and funny stuff they can use" so it would be more enjoyable for the both of you?
This girl seems like she is becoming less and less of a challenge and my interest level is slowly dropping. I know what mistakes she is making and how she can cause my interest level to go back up but do I explain that to her or not?
I haven't really said to much to her other then to "Joke with me!" or I compliment her if she has a good comeback to one of my cocky and funny comments.
So to sum things up:
1) In your opinion is it worth teaching a girl you like some cocky and funny stuff?
2) Do you tell a girl the things she can work on to make your interest level increase?
Thanks for all your insight and help
-J
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CARLOS:
First off, everyone weep a little for this guy. Women are no longer challenging to him. He's figured out how to interact and build attraction with women.
Sigh.
Wow. That's gotta be 10 shades of suck, man.
By the way, that line about a woman not knowing how to set up a date is CLASSIC. I'm stealing that one.
But all seriousness aside, you just made the grand discovery...
And that is that men are subject to the same emotional forces as women.
In other words:
If a woman comes too easily to us, we start to lose interest. We need to feel challenge in order to feel invested in a relationship.
Consider this:
Researchers have found that, no matter how turbulent the marriage is, when one spouse dies of old age, the other is almost sure to follow within a few years.
AND they've also found that most people die within a few years of retirement.
Why is this?
It's because humans require a certain amount of structured TENSION and STRESS to survive. There are many forms of bad stress, but there are also many forms of NECESSARY stress that we need to live.
One of those forms is the witty and challenging banter. That's why bickering between spouses is actually NECESSARY.
Most people look at husband/wife combinations that tease each other or give each other a hard time and think that they don't love each other. Well, in some cases that's true. But in most, they've got a real zinger of an interaction going on. In fact, when they finally do get it on, it's HOT.
Now, to answer your questions:
CONTINUED...
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1) If SHE doesn't GET IT, she won't do it. This is the problem 90% of women have with men. You can't just mold her into the person you want her to be. Trust me, I've tried it. MANY times. You can't change her nature. In fact, you really can't change ANYTHING about her. If she's not challenging you enough, you're going to get bored and move on.
She wouldn't understand it if you explained it to her. Remember that human beings really make decisions EMOTIONALLY, not logically.
This is actually the downside of getting GOOD with women. You'll notice that women aren't very challenging after a while. It's really too EASY once you get the hang of it.
Sucks, huh?
2) Same thing.
You can't simply hand a girl a program and hope that she figures it out. The unfortunate truth is that once you learn the secrets of attraction that I teach in my e-books and audio, women aren't going to be as difficult as they once were.
In fact, getting their attraction will seem quite easy. If the woman you're with isn't challenging you enough, you probably need to UPGRADE to a woman that is more on your playing field. I suggest you let her go nicely and move on to your next happy hunting grounds. Better that than go after a more challenging woman later and end up hurting this poor girl.
You can try making comments like, "Gee, you need to bust my balls more often," but what will likely happen is that she'll just take this as more evidence of your STATUS and STRENGTH, and then get even MORE insecure. And then she'll act LESS challenging because she's afraid of losing you.
This is why most guys flunk the sh*t tests with women. They misinterpret her challenges to mean that she's not interested, they become afraid of losing her (scarcity thinking) and then turn into pussies. Or wimps. Or wussies. Whatever. You get the point.
So if you'd like to reverse this trend, STOP being so challenging to her. Start coming on strong and being all mushy and romantic. I guarantee you she'll roll in it like a pig for a week or so, and then she'll start to get smothered and distance herself from you so she can breathe.
Now, that's not the challenging banter you're looking for, but it will probably get you obsessed and hooked on her again. You can call her all the time and send flowers to drive her further away.
Okay, I'm only half-serious with what I just said, but the point is important.
A little tug-of-war is good when you're dating a girl. Maybe you should back off a little from the banter and just get really romantic with her for a while. Become the pursuer for a bit, and watch the affect on her. I bet you she becomes more challenging from the role reversal. (Just don't get carried away.)
There's also nothing wrong with flirting with other women to get the witty banter you require.
But here's what's MOST IMPORTANT:
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You are just starting to GET IT with women. It's what I call the OH-SH*T moment. You get this realization of how your attitude works with women, and then you get a positive reinforcement of it, and you go - "Oh... SH*T! I understand!"
It happens like that when you're willing to accept that what most guys do out there in the pursuit of women is actually scary and creepy to them. Do what I did - go ask the smart ones what they find a turn-off in a guy. (Hint - it's not FEMININE behaviors...)
As an aside, I'll be offering a new e-book and CD series soon on Alpha Men, and verbal banter is one of the topics I cover. Keep your eyes peeled.... this one is coming up SOON...
From that day on, you're never the same. You understand at a GUT level how the interaction between men and women feels, and how it works. You see how challenging a woman will drive her CLOSER to you, not further away.
In fact, EVERYTHING starts to come together.
It's all about using your strengths and attitudes to communicate an ALPHA MAN attitude to women.
And what are the best traits to demonstrate to a woman so that she becomes interested in you?
You know that women are getting more and more picky about men, and they can sniff out inferior - also known as "NICE" - guys with just a whiff of your confidence. And to stand out you MUST have the edge on the other guys out there. You need to be a REAL MAN, not this sissie-fied cartoon man that the media sells you.
My e-book gives you the information and skills to get the women YOU want. Not SETTLE FOR.
You can download it here:
/ebookstore.htm
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There are so many things you have to have down pat in the singles world.
Like, how do you NOT screw it up in those vital first couple minutes of meeting a woman?
How do you introduce yourself to her without coming across like a dork?
How do you take her out without spending a fortune and getting just a kiss on the cheek and a "let's just be friends!"
You've heard me say this before: Getting laid is not about getting "lucky."
Luck is not a factor.
It's about having the right knowledge and understanding up front. Women are actually WAITING for men to date and sleep with, if you'll just give them the right reasons WHY they should be with YOU. It's deliberate and on-purpose, not subject to the whims of chance and fate.
BE the kind of man they are waiting for. That's all they ask of you.
I've worked for years to break down what it is that women are trying to tell you with their behavior, and finding out the hard way why being a "nice guy" is dooming you to failure.
You need this knowledge and understanding.
When you have that knowledge, you can make better choices and demonstrate better behaviors.
When you demonstrate better behavior, you will get better RESULTS.
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CONTINUED...
______________________
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My e-book -THE DATING BLACK BOOK- will help you get all of that ... and then some.
Just remember: Every man is self-made, but only the SUCCESSFUL admit it.
Where do you go for the information you need?
THE DATING BLACK BOOK has the complete breakdown of the dating scene, and it's ready for download right now, no matter where you are or what time it is in the world.
Download it here:
/ebookstore.htm
And the Advanced Audio Coaching is also ready to help you build on that knowledge and take your success to the extreme. Imagine having a coach giving you tips, strategies, and a complete breakdown on how to improve your technique and success with women - first hand.
You can listen to this audio RIGHT NOW on your PC or Mac, and you can even use your MP3 player to take the learning and go mobile. Put it on your i-pod!
The monthly audio series is over 100 minutes of advice and explosive tips, and it's available for download at:
/audioprog.htm
You see, the first 30-60 days of any dating relationship with a woman is THE most volatile, since almost ALL the mistakes are made here. If you make it past this point, chances are you'll be able to keep her for as long as you like.
I remember when I figured out what these mistakes were - and how to fix them. And how excited I was. I stayed up that night writing out how I'd use the knowledge to improve my dating life. It wasn't until years later that I got around to writing the book on it, but I finally did it.
And now you can download all these priceless strategies right now at:
/ebookstore.htm
Is there ANYTHING else worth learning more than how to be successful with women?
-Carlos
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The secrets of compelling communication and persuasion are easy to learn.
Most guys don't approach women because they haven't got the SKILLS to APPROACH WOMEN. Once you have them, you'll feel less anxious and you'll actually DO IT.
It's time to learn the TRUTH about women ... and attraction.
It's all about your Inner Game...
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Discover your inner Alpha Man - NOW
Click HERE to learn more...
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Listen to what the other gurus are saying about Carlos' work...
"I've read every book and studied every system on dating. The problem with most 'gurus' in this field is that they're not teaching men how to build a solid foundation. Until you change your internal belief system and adopt an Alpha mindset, all the
tactics and techniques in the world aren't going to do you any good. (Actually, it's like learning just enough karate to get your ass kicked!) Carlos Xuma is the best there is at teaching men how to develop their 'inner game.' From
there, he'll give you the complete set of tools for approaching women, and life, with absolute confidence and skill. If you're in this game to win it, these are the rules you need to learn."
- "Supreme", M.A.C.K. Tactics co-creator
"Carlos Xuma is a man who has a clear passion for imparting the success with women he has experienced to other guys worldwide. He approaches his craft with immense integrity and a distinct style!"
- Scot McKay, X & Y Communications, DeserveWhatYouWant.com
"Carlos Xuma is the REAL DEAL! If you are serious about creating an extraordinary relationship. You will learn more about the needs and desires of women than they do themselves! I highly recommend
Carlos to any man who is ready to get the woman of his dreams. I love his game, its 100% real."
- The Dean, Dating4Men.com
"Carlos Xuma is one of those rare guys in the field who actually GETS what interacting with women is all about. His advice goes beyond the pick-up lines and approach techniques that so many guys use and fail with. Rather, Carlos gives guys everywhere practical,
valuable advice that will make men attractive not just for one night, but for many, many years. He lays down the foundation for becoming a NATURALLY attractive man, full of confidence and the ability to fully ENJOY being around hot babes.
Unlike other pickup artists, Carlos shares information that helps you not only in one area of life, but in many: in social relationships, at work, sports, with personal goals. He'll help make you a well-rounded, self-believing alpha MAN who's capable of just
about anything. And seducing gorgeous, high-quality women, is just the beginning."
- James Brito, How to Be Irresistible to Women
"Carlos Xuma is one of the few men in the 'seduction' or 'attraction' community who digs beneath the surface of passing attraction, and Explores what it is to be a man who attracts women by virtue of his character and, consequently, the natural outward expression of high character.
He brings words like 'discipline' and 'integrity' to the forefront, and waddya know, those are exactly the qualities women truly crave in a man."
- Grant Adams, CEO - net2bed.com
"Hey Carlos, I write about the biology of men and women's behavior. You seem to know the biology of behavior without knowing it. How do you do that? You have a deep intuition of dynamics - it took me 7 years of academic research to discover. And you find sharp ways to apply it practically... Keep up the good work, brother."
- Joe Quirk, Author of "Sperm are from Men, Eggs are from Women"
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