 |
|
 |
CARLOS XUMA -
DATING ADVICE FOR MEN NEWSLETTER: |
The TRUTH About Dating and Attraction...
|
Monday, 10:30 PM: Carlos Xuma's Desk...
|
|
QUESTION:
Carlos,
I purchased The Dating Black Book a while back and have completely read through the whole book and must congratulate you on superb writing.
I decided to work through the book (applying the techniques, learning new skills) and have done very well until I came across to what you refer to as "neg-hit" teasing or as I refer to it as cocky & funny. Well, I have done many readings about this, and do understand and recognize it when I see it happen or read it.
The only problem is that I have been trying to think of it in a way that helps me truly understand how to use it. For instance, I have read that your goal is to get try to get under her skin in a playful way, which helped me understand it better a tiny bit. Then I came across something that said that your goal is "to make her actually think that your serious, but leave a shadow of doubt" which helped me understand it even better.
So I am not sure of basically how to "interpret it" or think about it or something. Can you please explain it to me in a way that it has never been explained before and help me clear my mindset about it Carlos? Thank you a million.
CARLOS:
Your description is pretty good, actually. Getting under her skin in a playful way is just what you want to do.
Let's use an example that may help you...
Let's say you're out with Jenny Jugs, the 5'4" blonde with REALLY big ... eyes. She's cute, she's smart, and you're talking to her about her hair.
"You have a really nice color hair," you say, with a skeptical look.
"Thank you!" She glows and runs her fingers through it.
"Which Clairol color number is that?" (with a smirk)
Or:
|
|
"And your roots are a nice color, too...." (with a smirk)
You have to walk the fine line between being a little insulting (which is how this will come off if you don't deliver it with the right tone of voice and expression) and teasing.
It's not that hard to figure out. Just think about something someone could tease you about. Maybe it's your choice in rings. Which of these is insulting and which is fun teasing?
- "Nice rings... do you have a gold pinkie ring, too?"
- "Nice rings, Elvis ... I'm amazed you can lift your arms up with all that weight..."
- "Where'd you get those rings? Dork-dot-com?"
The first one is light, the second is stronger, and the last one is downright insulting.
Here's the best bit of advice I can give you - stop worrying about doing it perfectly right, and just go out and DO it. Try out teasing a little bit. It's all about the playful "I'm just f*cking with you!" attitude you use.
Just steer clear of making any teases about her body or looks, and keep it clean.
It ain't rocket science... just get out there and try it. The most helpful advice I can give you guys is troubleshooting what you did that went wrong rather than trying to give you all the information you need up front to do it just right.
And thanks for the appreciation of the e-book... EVERY guy out there needs to get that information so that they know what to do with women...
CONTINUED...
|
|
CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE...
|
|
QUESTION:
Hey Carlos,
While reading The Dating Black Book and listening to your audio sessions I recently came across your take on someone's attitude when meeting women and how they should have a specific mindset. Well, anyway, how do you actually change your mindset or thinking? For example, do you just recite out loud the new ideas in your head over and over or what?
Also, when reading about how to become Cocky and Funny, I had been mostly working on the lines and jokes when I recently realized that it was actually Cocky and Funny ATTITUDE. I read that its the attitude that you must work on rather than the jokes and lines and that you must have a specific mindset (and character) when approaching a women to become successful at doing this. Well, my question is, how do you develop this attitude or mindset?
P. S - Your latest audio session is amazing, looking forward to the next session.
And thanks for the compliments on the audio. I'm hoping that you guys won't miss the opportunity to catch the latest installment and SESSION 5 which is on sale now ... (/session5.htm)
I included this question because it really hits on something I started with the last question...
CARLOS:
It's always about ATTITUDE.
You see, you can do ANYTHING and it will work if you have the right attitude.
However, if you don't have the right attitude, NOTHING you do will work.
Why is this?
Part of it is due to your body language and a TON of subtext and communication that is going on when you talk to a woman.
Scientific studies have proven that 83% of all communication occurs at a level outside of the words you speak. In other words, the actual things you say are only 17% of the actual communication that's going on. Everything else is eye contact, tone, inflection, body posture, pacing, etc.
That's why it's so important that you SAY things WITH CONVICTION.
|
|
You cannot communicate what you don't BELIEVE. Listen to TV preachers for an example. You can tell when they're communicating with conviction. You can hear it and see it. Even over the miles of distance to your television screen, you FEEL what they're communicating.
All great speakers have this POWER.
And even average guys like you and me can learn how to use it.
Now, as for your question about how you change your thinking, well that's where you need to start NEW HABITS of thought.
(Incidentally, I'll cover this subject completely in my new audio program and e-book on the Alpha Man Mindset, coming soon. It's all about how to drop the Nice Guy routine and get laid with a dominant male attitude.)
It starts with recognizing what you're thinking, and either ignoring it, or changing it.
The easiest way to change your thinking is to ACT like the person you want to be.
However FEAR always tries to get in the way. It's our FEARS that stop us from acting the way we would like.
You need to identify where you are letting your fears and emotions run wild and override your reason.
It starts with BEHAVIOR.
The quickest way to change your thinking is to change your BEHAVIOR. The more you ACT like the person you want to be, the more the thoughts and attitudes will start to creep in and build inside you.
You can't smile and laugh without feeling good inside. It's just NOT possible. That's an example of action influencing thought.
It's impossible to go up to 20 women and introduce yourself without feeling more confident about the process when you're done (or the next time you go out and try.)
The ones who don't believe this never actually DO THE WORK, and therefore never find out. I'll get a ton of letters from everyone complaining EXCEPT the guy who actually DOES IT and sees for himself. Funny, huh?
You've got to TRAIN your mind to be confident and cocky.
|
It's the ACTION that gets you to start changing your thinking. You can't just change all your thoughts and suddenly jump into the seduction game anew and be a success. You start by going in there and making a mess.
Screw up a bunch of them, and then learn from it. Go in and don't be afraid to make mistakes. That's what separates the men from the stay-at-home beat-off beta guys.
You approach more women to feel more confident about it, and then the fear will go away.
You try out a ton of cocky things to say, and after you say a bunch (without needing her to approve of you - VERY important) THEN you will start to get the attitude. Yes, if you have to, start by faking it until you make it.
The ATTITUDE is mixed right in there with the action, and it's not a separate ingredient, like adding eggs to your cake batter. You develop it WITH the behavior and words.
It may seem like this is a chicken-and-the-egg situation, but it really isn't. It's only as complicated or difficult as you make it.
The "ATTITUDE" is simply this ONE way of thinking:
"I DON'T CARE WHAT SHE THINKS ABOUT ME."
That sounds so simple, but 95% of all guys go at this with an attitude that her opinion of him is going to CRUSH him, and that her opinion of him somehow MATTERS.
No one makes you inferior without your permission, guys.
But, as I said, most guys want to go in with no risk, and they wind up in search of this "perfect system." Which doesn't exist.
We talk about this phenomenon all the time in Martial Arts. There are these guys who want to find the "perfect art" that kicks all the other's ass, and they're COMPLETELY missing the point.
It's not WHAT they're doing, it's HOW they're doing it. If they took the time to learn one art to mastery, they'd GET IT. Instead, they look for the solution as being something OUTSIDE themselves.
It's all about using your strengths and attitudes to communicate an ALPHA MAN attitude to women.
And what are the best traits to demonstrate to a woman so that she becomes interested in you?
You know that women are getting more and more picky about men, and they can sniff out inferior (AKA, BETA) guys with just a whiff of your confidence. And to stand out you MUST have the edge on the other guys out there. You need to be a REAL MAN, not this sissie-fied cartoon man that the media sells you.
My e-book gives you the information and skills to get the women YOU want. Not SETTLE FOR.
You can download it here:
/ebookstore.htm
|
CONTINUED...
______________________
|
|
There are so many things you have to have down pat in the singles world.
Like, how do you NOT screw it up in those vital first couple minutes of meeting a woman?
How do you introduce yourself to her without coming across like a dork?
How do you take her out without spending a fortune and getting just a kiss on the cheek and a "let's just be friends!"
You've heard me say this before: Getting laid is not about getting "lucky."
Luck is not a factor.
It's about having the right knowledge and understanding up front. Women are actually WAITING for men to date and sleep with, if you'll just give them the right reasons WHY they should be with YOU. It's deliberate and on-purpose, not subject to the whims of chance and fate.
BE the kind of man they are waiting for. That's all they ask of you.
I've worked for years to break down what it is that women are trying to tell you with their behavior, and finding out the hard way why being a "nice guy" is dooming you to failure.
You need this knowledge and understanding.
When you have that knowledge, you can make better choices and demonstrate better behaviors.
When you demonstrate better behavior, you will get better RESULTS.
My e-book -THE DATING BLACK BOOK- will help you get all of that ... and then some.
Just remember: Every man is self-made, but only the SUCCESSFUL admit it.
Where do you go for the information you need?
THE DATING BLACK BOOK has the complete breakdown of the dating scene, and it's ready for download right now, no matter where you are or what time it is in the world.
Download it here:
/ebookstore.htm
And the Advanced Audio Coaching is also ready to help you build on that knowledge and take your success to the extreme. Imagine having a coach giving you tips, strategies, and a complete breakdown on how to improve your technique and success with women - first hand.
You can listen to this audio RIGHT NOW on your PC or Mac, and you can even use your MP3 player to take the learning and go mobile. Put it on your i-pod!
The monthly audio series is over 100 minutes of advice and explosive tips, and it's available for download at:
/audioprog.htm
You see, the first 30-60 days of any dating relationship with a woman is THE most volatile, since almost ALL the mistakes are made here. If you make it past this point, chances are you'll be able to keep her for as long as you like.
I remember when I figured out what these mistakes were - and how to fix them. And how excited I was. I stayed up that night writing out how I'd use the knowledge to improve my dating life. It wasn't until years later that I got around to writing the book on it, but I finally did it.
And now you can download all these priceless strategies right now at:
/ebookstore.htm
Is there ANYTHING else worth learning more than how to be successful with women?
-Carlos
|
The secrets of compelling communication and persuasion are easy to learn.
Most guys don't approach women because they haven't got the SKILLS to APPROACH WOMEN. Once you have them, you'll feel less anxious and you'll actually DO IT.
It's time to learn the TRUTH about women ... and attraction.
It's all about your Inner Game...
|
Discover your inner Alpha Man - NOW
Click HERE to learn more...
|
| |
Listen to what the other gurus are saying about Carlos' work...
"I've read every book and studied every system on dating. The problem with most 'gurus' in this field is that they're not teaching men how to build a solid foundation. Until you change your internal belief system and adopt an Alpha mindset, all the
tactics and techniques in the world aren't going to do you any good. (Actually, it's like learning just enough karate to get your ass kicked!) Carlos Xuma is the best there is at teaching men how to develop their 'inner game.' From
there, he'll give you the complete set of tools for approaching women, and life, with absolute confidence and skill. If you're in this game to win it, these are the rules you need to learn."
- "Supreme", M.A.C.K. Tactics co-creator
"Carlos Xuma is a man who has a clear passion for imparting the success with women he has experienced to other guys worldwide. He approaches his craft with immense integrity and a distinct style!"
- Scot McKay, X & Y Communications, DeserveWhatYouWant.com
"Carlos Xuma is the REAL DEAL! If you are serious about creating an extraordinary relationship. You will learn more about the needs and desires of women than they do themselves! I highly recommend
Carlos to any man who is ready to get the woman of his dreams. I love his game, its 100% real."
- The Dean, Dating4Men.com
"Carlos Xuma is one of those rare guys in the field who actually GETS what interacting with women is all about. His advice goes beyond the pick-up lines and approach techniques that so many guys use and fail with. Rather, Carlos gives guys everywhere practical,
valuable advice that will make men attractive not just for one night, but for many, many years. He lays down the foundation for becoming a NATURALLY attractive man, full of confidence and the ability to fully ENJOY being around hot babes.
Unlike other pickup artists, Carlos shares information that helps you not only in one area of life, but in many: in social relationships, at work, sports, with personal goals. He'll help make you a well-rounded, self-believing alpha MAN who's capable of just
about anything. And seducing gorgeous, high-quality women, is just the beginning."
- James Brito, How to Be Irresistible to Women
"Carlos Xuma is one of the few men in the 'seduction' or 'attraction' community who digs beneath the surface of passing attraction, and Explores what it is to be a man who attracts women by virtue of his character and, consequently, the natural outward expression of high character.
He brings words like 'discipline' and 'integrity' to the forefront, and waddya know, those are exactly the qualities women truly crave in a man."
- Grant Adams, CEO - net2bed.com
"Hey Carlos, I write about the biology of men and women's behavior. You seem to know the biology of behavior without knowing it. How do you do that? You have a deep intuition of dynamics - it took me 7 years of academic research to discover. And you find sharp ways to apply it practically... Keep up the good work, brother."
- Joe Quirk, Author of "Sperm are from Men, Eggs are from Women"
|
| |
|  |