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CARLOS XUMA -
DATING ADVICE FOR MEN NEWSLETTER: |
The TRUTH About Dating and Attraction...
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Saturday, 9:05 AM: Carlos Xuma's Desk...
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DATING ADVICE QUESTION:
Hi Carlos, Just want to ask you how would we come across as an 'alpha man' when we want to jump from one stone to another without appearing as needy as we are?
Is there a timeline you use (eg. after 1 month - target kissing, after 3 months together - target extended kissing)?
CARLOS:
Good question.
This is a point of confusion for a lot of guys, because they think that in order to move forward with a woman, you can't hold back or demonstrate posture with her.
There is also a mistaken belief that if you just "hold back" and "act cool" enough for her, she'll just jump all over you.
There is a dilemma here for many guys, and I'll clear it up right now.
You can be moving forward and NOT appearing needy at the same time. In fact, you'll appear even more confident and masculine if you do.
How?
By acting on your desires you demonstrate the Alpha quality of ACTION.
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It's HOW you go after those desires that will set you either in the Alpha squad, or the Beta bin.
If you move forward in a shaky, not-so-sure, hope-you're-not-offending-her attitude, she'll walk away. It will seem too much like you need her approval.
On the other hand, if you move forward in a confident, this is what I want, and if you can't supply me I'm GONE attitude, you won't seem needy and she'll be more likely to follow your lead.
Now timelines and milestones are tricky. They're different for every woman you meet. But the only marker I'd make a point of getting to (and if you're presenting yourself with confidence, none of these should be difficult) is this:
- Sometime on the first REAL date of several hours with each other = Goal: Kiss.
Any woman who's into you at all will oblige you with a short and controlled kiss. If she doesn't, she's just not that into you.
I don't buy all that crap that women SAY about "I don't kiss on the first date" or "Sometimes I wait a few dates" or WHATEVER. It's crap.
If she likes you, she'll kiss you. Period.
If she likes you and she won't kiss you, PROBLEM. And it's probably not one that will get better the longer you're with her.
Any other deadlines and milestones you set are arbitrary depending on the situation.
You'll move faster the better you demonstrate the qualities you develop in the Alpha Man program, though...
CONTINUED...
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CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE...
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QUESTION:
Hey Carlos,
Today I saw a girl I used to work with in the Navy, but she got kicked out for supplying alcohol to minors and conducting an "illegal" business on base. Whatever the case, I saw her today on base, and I guess her friends brought her back on base. Anyhow she greeted me with a hug and was all chittty chatty. Now mind you, this gal was NOT hot at ALL.
However after some teasing her, and one of my stupid friends comments talking me down perhaps to make himself seem cooler as he talked about all of our conquests, this girl suddenly started talking so much sh*t. Like there were 3 other guys at the table and she was looking at our hands around the table, claiming to know the size of our dicks by how our hands looked. (wtf) She then just kept talking trash, and I'd be like *&#^ you and she'd be like "I'm not your type....I'm not a blow up doll." And would say things like, "I wouldn't *&#^ you with a 10 foot pole."
You get the point. Eventually I got pissed and am like, "Alice, CUT THE SH*T OUT!" Although it was kind of embarrassing having 2 friends watch this. What the heck was going on here? I'm not a very good trash talking, you know coming up with super funny witty things to say when someone is bagging on me.
Is this one of those tests women have? How should I perhaps handle something like this if it comes up again? I felt like I was in uncharted territory.
Thanks. -M
CARLOS:
This girl is what we in the 'community' call a female player. She demonstrates much of the characteristics of a guy who is good with women ... only she's a woman!
Most of her sh*t talking is an attention-getting tactic. Chances are this girl is a "wild child" who likes to get into trouble, isn't very stable, and likes to stir things up so that she can be the instigator and the center of attention.
She was eating up all your attention like a lap-dog. And the fact that she wasn't very hot just proves it. She knows that guys are probably actually turned on by her attitude more than they knew.
I remember this 40-something woman where I used to work that was totally AVERAGE, yet she managed to rile you up by being obnoxious and cocky the whole time. (Presenting herself as an ALPHA woman.)
It works for women the way it works for men.
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Now, more important here, you let her get to you, and that's a BIG no-no. She did manage to screen you out there by your reaction. Alpha Men do not lose control of their emotions under any situation. (Except when it's to achieve a desired outcome and it's on purpose, which I will cover sometime soon in the Advanced Audio Coaching.)
After a while of her back-and forth, you should just start refusing to go along with her game. You can't keep up the witty banter forever, and at some point it's time to call her on it.
HER: Yeah, you guys probably have small ones. Look at the size of your hands.
YOU: Why are you interested in the size of my penis? Are coming on to me?
HER: Yeah, you wish!
YOU: Is that it? "Yeah, you wish"? I don't suppose you can surprise me with something a bit more witty. Is this how you drove off your last boyfriend? All this charming love-talk?
Mind you, most of this is conveyed in the attitude. I'd be leaning back in my chair, using her chair or leg as a rest for mine. I'd start turning my body away and talking to her over my shoulder.
Revoke the attention she so desperately needs.
The key is to recognize her motivation and take it under YOUR control. You must be the Alpha Man in the interaction, no matter how much SHE wants to be.
QUESTION:
Hey Carlos, Thanks for the numerous emails you send me on the regular. Being an Alpha man requires a lot of dedication and confidence. I am taking one chapter at a time and trying to see how this things apply in my daily life. I have a situation here that I may need some feedback on how to close the deal.
I met a girl whom I believe the feelings were mutual and at the time we met, I asked her to accompany me for dinner where we talked about a lot of things. Well I made the first move and gave her my number, and since then we chat here and there. I asked her to go out with me on a second date and she agreed but on the day we were to go out she canceled and I told her we could do it another time.
Now she hasn't called me since but whenever we meet we talk and she seems overly excited, a lot of touching on hands or shoulder.
What is it that I am doing wrong here? Why is it she hasn't taken me on my offer for another lunch or a movie? or when I ask her to call she doesn't call me but then the next time I meet her she doesn't bring it up, but I don't show that i am upset. Advice please.
By the way some dude I know also exchanged numbers with her and I overheard him tell my boy that she has never called him back or when he calls her she is always busy. I don't think she has written me off. I made the move and I laid back to give her time to make the move, but nothing.
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CARLOS:
Whoooooaaaaahhhhh....
I saw it right away, and it's going to be so simple, you're going to slap your head.
The answer is here, in what you said: "I made the move and i laid back to give her time to make the move, but nothing."
and here: "the next time I meet her she doesn't bring it up"
That's the mistake.
Never wait for a woman to "make a move." or "bring it up..."
It won't happen.
Women CRAVE attention. They thrive on it.
And while it's nice to think that we might live in a world where if a woman is interested in you, she's going to show it or do something...
She won't.
Ask any guy you know how many times they've had a woman ACTIVELY pursue them, and I guarantee you it's less than 1 in 20.
Why don't they make a move?
Because that makes them feel like they're being too eager and desperate. They feel like they're being a "slut" if they pursue a man.
That's why all those things you read where they claim to tell you how to make women chase YOU sound so promising.
It's every guy's most fervent desire - to have women come after HIM for a change. That way he doesn't have to RISK.
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CONTINUED...
______________________
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But this isn't the way the world works. And if you wait on her, she'll never help you.
She needs to know that YOU will take the steering wheel and control this from the start. You have to MAKE it happen with her. Don't look for response from her to keep going forward.
The way a woman shows interest in you is by NOT resisting your moving forward.
Read that line again until it makes complete and perfect sense.
Now, once you get the right mind-set, the dating world suddenly seems like a different place to you.
If you'd like to know what you're really made of, I want you to consider this:
The Alpha Man also knows that self-development is the path to a better life. It all starts with getting educated.
Education leads to understanding. Understanding leads to better choices. Better choices lead to better results.
And results are ALL that matters when it comes to the game of women.
I can show you the way to better results and success with women, and it's all in my e-books and audio.
The Dating Black Book is for the guy who wants the whole dating scene explained, and all the inner-workings of social dynamics as well as dating dynamics.
Get it here:
/dating-advice-for-men.htm
And in case you haven't heard about it by now, my latest program is now shipping...
If you ever wanted to know how to overcome your fears with women so that you could walk up and talk to ANY woman, this is something you've been looking for.
Follow this link for more information on this new project that will blow you away:
/talk-to-women-approachwomen.htm
I'll be back with more advice soon ...
- Carlos
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The secrets of compelling communication and persuasion are easy to learn.
Most guys don't approach women because they haven't got the SKILLS to APPROACH WOMEN. Once you have them, you'll feel less anxious and you'll actually DO IT.
It's time to learn the TRUTH about women ... and attraction.
It's all about your Inner Game...
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Discover your inner Alpha Man - NOW
Click HERE to learn more...
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Listen to what the other gurus are saying about Carlos' work...
"I've read every book and studied every system on dating. The problem with most 'gurus' in this field is that they're not teaching men how to build a solid foundation. Until you change your internal belief system and adopt an Alpha mindset, all the
tactics and techniques in the world aren't going to do you any good. (Actually, it's like learning just enough karate to get your ass kicked!) Carlos Xuma is the best there is at teaching men how to develop their 'inner game.' From
there, he'll give you the complete set of tools for approaching women, and life, with absolute confidence and skill. If you're in this game to win it, these are the rules you need to learn."
- "Supreme", M.A.C.K. Tactics co-creator
"Carlos Xuma is a man who has a clear passion for imparting the success with women he has experienced to other guys worldwide. He approaches his craft with immense integrity and a distinct style!"
- Scot McKay, X & Y Communications, DeserveWhatYouWant.com
"Carlos Xuma is the REAL DEAL! If you are serious about creating an extraordinary relationship. You will learn more about the needs and desires of women than they do themselves! I highly recommend
Carlos to any man who is ready to get the woman of his dreams. I love his game, its 100% real."
- The Dean, Dating4Men.com
"Carlos Xuma is one of those rare guys in the field who actually GETS what interacting with women is all about. His advice goes beyond the pick-up lines and approach techniques that so many guys use and fail with. Rather, Carlos gives guys everywhere practical,
valuable advice that will make men attractive not just for one night, but for many, many years. He lays down the foundation for becoming a NATURALLY attractive man, full of confidence and the ability to fully ENJOY being around hot babes.
Unlike other pickup artists, Carlos shares information that helps you not only in one area of life, but in many: in social relationships, at work, sports, with personal goals. He'll help make you a well-rounded, self-believing alpha MAN who's capable of just
about anything. And seducing gorgeous, high-quality women, is just the beginning."
- James Brito, How to Be Irresistible to Women
"Carlos Xuma is one of the few men in the 'seduction' or 'attraction' community who digs beneath the surface of passing attraction, and Explores what it is to be a man who attracts women by virtue of his character and, consequently, the natural outward expression of high character.
He brings words like 'discipline' and 'integrity' to the forefront, and waddya know, those are exactly the qualities women truly crave in a man."
- Grant Adams, CEO - net2bed.com
"Hey Carlos, I write about the biology of men and women's behavior. You seem to know the biology of behavior without knowing it. How do you do that? You have a deep intuition of dynamics - it took me 7 years of academic research to discover. And you find sharp ways to apply it practically... Keep up the good work, brother."
- Joe Quirk, Author of "Sperm are from Men, Eggs are from Women"
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