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CARLOS XUMA -
DATING ADVICE FOR MEN NEWSLETTER: |
The TRUTH About Dating and Attraction...
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Saturday, 7:35 AM: Carlos Xuma's Desk...
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APPEARANCE DATE:
For those of you in the San Francisco Bay Area, I'll be appearing at the book signing event next week for Neil Strauss' new book "The Game," which covers the inside info on the dating advice community. It will be at:
Wed Sept 14, 2005 San Francisco: Books Inc. 2251 Chestnut St 415-931-3633
For those of you not familiar with San Francisco, this is in the Marina district of the city.
I hope to see you there...
And if you haven't heard of his book, you need to take a look at it. Here's a special link to a discounted price:
/the-game.htm
DATING ADVICE FOR MEN:
Carlos, I�ve been consistently running into a situation with the ladies that I hope you can shed some light on.
I have been pursuing a woman that�s easy to track down because she works at the same company but in a different department. I began flirting with her a little through e-mail and then in the hall by teasing her and she definitely showed some IOI�s. I asked her to lunch after about two weeks of flirting band during lunch she mentioned, casually mind you, that she had a boyfriend
WTF!! I decided to see how far she would go so I asked her out for drinks and although she did not say no she told me she had a doctors appointment and that �maybe� we could go out next week. My question is this: Since I work with this chick I can see her whenever I want BUT I have been spacing my personal (no more e-mails) interaction with her so that I see her every 3-4 days.
Gradually it seems like she is becoming less and less interested (to the point of being cold) in talking with me. I can feel her starting to slip away and I feel like my hands are tied. If I give her any more distance I feel like that would be it. If I go to see her more often even with a teasing confident attitude I run the risk of smothering her and pushing her away?
So my hands are tied. I know this is just one example but it�s happened with every single woman I been pursuing where they begin to realize you are interested and attainable and therefore there interest dies. Can I do anything about this? Thanks for your insight, B
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CARLOS:
This is a common dilemma, and one that I'm going to cover more thoroughly in the Advanced Audio Coaching very soon.
A woman loves to play with the fire.
If she's got a boyfriend already, she'll stoke your fires of desire just to satisfy her need for attention. When she's got you, she drops you like 2nd period French.
The key to keeping their interest in you is to constantly CHALLENGE them.
Have them do something for you. Let them know that you're NOT that attainable in the meantime.
Once you feel that a woman has started to slip away, it's too late. Game over, man.
The key is to CONSTANTLY hit her frustration buttons so that she is delightfully aggravated. Sound weird? It's not.
I used to help my friend tow cars home that he was going to repair and re-sell. I would steer and brake the junker while he pulled me from the front. Now, you have to know HOW to drive that rear car or you're going to screw things up badly, and the chain will disengage.
You have to maintain constant tension between you and the other vehicle. When he accelerates, I just let him pull me. When it's time to slow down, I have to do the braking for both of us.
Sound familiar?
It's the same with women, chumley.
If you feel at a point at which if YOU were to slow things down any more she would back off completely, that means you slowed down too far. You have to keep in gear and moving forward.
Too late for her, but you have the right understanding now of what NOT to do. Don't let her know so easily that you're A) that interested, and B) attainable.
If you want to try to "turnaround" this one, you've got to do something RADICAL to get her interest spiked for you again. You're better off finding a few others that aren't already attached.
CONTINUED...
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CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE...
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DATING ADVICE QUESTION:
Hi Carlos, I'm just wondering what does a woman means when she said: 'You don't understand me...' after a conflict. Is it a test? Is it something that we can ignore? Or do we deflect the response in a funny way?
CARLOS:
No, this one pretty much means what she says.
She doesn't FEEL understood.
When a woman is ranting about whatever is bothering her, the most common response a guys has is to get all logical and prove why he's right. In a lot of cases he IS right, but that does NOTHING to soothe her.
That's the worst thing in the world to do.
The best thing you can do (and it's also the MOST difficult for 99% of the guys out there) is to shut up and just hear her out. Let her talk it out of her system.
Instead, we get all analytical and rational, which only fuels her fire when she just needs to get some things off her chest.
Er, so to speak.
Next time, LISTEN to her, and I'll bet you dollars to donuts that she never says she feels like you don't understand her.
Never get into the conflict in the first place. An argument with a woman is a no-win situation. What you have to do is learn how to handle it with reflexive listening skills and reframing.
The premise of an argument or conflict is that if one or the other proves their case enough, the other will just realize how wrong they are and back down.
HA! Remember the last time this ever happened to you?
I'll give you a clue, it might happen with a man, but unlikely with a woman. Even if you seem to win the logic on the surface, she'll be stewing up some negative feelings for you if you don't hear her out.
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DATING ADVICE QUESTION:
Great job with the advice first and formost. You seem to know whats going inside a womens head at least ...
My problem is I love sex. Well I wouldn't consider it a problem but it is becoming one in my relationship. My girl friend is 3 years younger than I but when we are together there is no age difference until it becomes physical.
We have been through alot and love each other no matter how we act but she doesn't want sex as much as I do. sense I do love her very much I have to make the sacrafice of not having it as much as I do.
When we do have sex its really good and we can both reach our "higher levels". but more often than not I want it alot more. I was wondering if you had any advice to get my girlfriend begging me for sex.
I don't want this to sound like thats all I want out of the relationship because by any means she is my best friend and my lover and I respect her. I just want to know how to get her wanting it for me. because its not like I want it when the situation is not right but when it is I want it. is there anything worng with that. well if you have some adivce let me know. thank you
CARLOS:
First of all, lose that apologetic air about wanting to have a fruitful and pleasurable sex life. It's COMPLETELY NORMAL.
More bad Media Programming has led men to believe that their healthy sexual desires are "bad," or that they are "bad" for wanting more than women appear to want on the surface.
More mind control for you.
The first step is to not worry what other people think about your situation. It is what it is, and other people will just have to accept it. You're an Alpha Man.
Live it.
Love it.
Now, for your situation:
There are times when one partner will have a higher sex drive than the other. In fact, this is almost always the case. What you hope for, though, is that one will be higher one week, and the other will be higher another time. Occasionally, you're both up there.
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Your options are:
1) Continue being unfulfilled in your current relationship. Live with the disparity and tension it creates.
2) Dump her, go find a woman with the sexual appetite you have
3) Go get your nookie elsewhere on the side.
4) Make things work by having some long, hard discussions about what you want, how she can provide it, how you can accommodate her, etc.
5) Jack up the sexual tension so high that she can only desire more and more of you in bed.
Number 4 is the longest and most difficult route, but it could be the most rewarding if you feel a strong investment with this girl. But you only go that route AFTER number 5.
Passion is a thing of the heart, not of the head. You need to spray some gasoline on things and light it to get it going.
Recognize that #1 and #3 are not recommended by me.
Number 2, while stated a little harshly, should be kept on hand as an alternative if you can't get things to work out.
YOU don't have to be the only one making a "sacrifice."
Perhaps she can sacrifice a little and give you a little action, and you can sacrifice a bit by taking care of your need on your own a few times.
You need both the physical and the emotional parts of a relationship to make it work (and I'm not even talking about compatibility yet) so keep in mind that you are not a "dog" or a "typical man" for wanting this.
Consider that most women in their 30s have higher sex drives than men their age and you'll see that this can easily flip-flop back and forth.
My experience has been that younger women are too insecure sexually to make very good partners, but then again, guys are often too inexperienced to provide the same.
Hey, we've all got our shortcomings, right?
Keep demonstrating your strong posture and lack of neediness, and keep busting her chops. Elevate the level of sexual tension whenever possible. Don't let everything become a "yes, dear" situation.
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CONTINUED...
______________________
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Over-familiarity kills passion.
Remember that if she has never had a high level of sexual desire, it's not something that's likely to be addressed by #5. She's just not as horny. That's when Number 4 takes over.
Just don't get stuck in "martyr" mode, where you feel like you're doing something wrong by asking to have your needs fulfilled. There's no reason you can't have what you want in this world if you're willing to go after it. Understand your options and keep them open.
Stay Alpha, and keep going after it.
Now, once you get the right mind-set, the dating world suddenly seems like a different place to you.
If you'd like to know what you're really made of, I want you to consider this:
The Alpha Man also knows that self-development is the path to a better life. It all starts with getting educated.
Education leads to understanding. Understanding leads to better choices. Better choices lead to better results.
And results are ALL that matters when it comes to the game of women.
I can show you the way to better results and success with women, and it's all in my e-books and audio.
The Dating Black Book is for the guy who wants the whole dating scene explained, and all the inner-workings of social dynamics as well as dating dynamics.
Get it here:
/dating-advice-for-men.htm
And in case you haven't heard about it by now, my latest program is now shipping...
If you ever wanted to know how to overcome your fears with women so that you could walk up and talk to ANY woman, this is something you've been looking for.
Follow this link for more information on this new project that will blow you away:
/talk-to-women-approachwomen.htm
I'll be back with more advice soon ...
- Carlos
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The secrets of compelling communication and persuasion are easy to learn.
Most guys don't approach women because they haven't got the SKILLS to APPROACH WOMEN. Once you have them, you'll feel less anxious and you'll actually DO IT.
It's time to learn the TRUTH about women ... and attraction.
It's all about your Inner Game...
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Discover your inner Alpha Man - NOW
Click HERE to learn more...
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Listen to what the other gurus are saying about Carlos' work...
"I've read every book and studied every system on dating. The problem with most 'gurus' in this field is that they're not teaching men how to build a solid foundation. Until you change your internal belief system and adopt an Alpha mindset, all the
tactics and techniques in the world aren't going to do you any good. (Actually, it's like learning just enough karate to get your ass kicked!) Carlos Xuma is the best there is at teaching men how to develop their 'inner game.' From
there, he'll give you the complete set of tools for approaching women, and life, with absolute confidence and skill. If you're in this game to win it, these are the rules you need to learn."
- "Supreme", M.A.C.K. Tactics co-creator
"Carlos Xuma is a man who has a clear passion for imparting the success with women he has experienced to other guys worldwide. He approaches his craft with immense integrity and a distinct style!"
- Scot McKay, X & Y Communications, DeserveWhatYouWant.com
"Carlos Xuma is the REAL DEAL! If you are serious about creating an extraordinary relationship. You will learn more about the needs and desires of women than they do themselves! I highly recommend
Carlos to any man who is ready to get the woman of his dreams. I love his game, its 100% real."
- The Dean, Dating4Men.com
"Carlos Xuma is one of those rare guys in the field who actually GETS what interacting with women is all about. His advice goes beyond the pick-up lines and approach techniques that so many guys use and fail with. Rather, Carlos gives guys everywhere practical,
valuable advice that will make men attractive not just for one night, but for many, many years. He lays down the foundation for becoming a NATURALLY attractive man, full of confidence and the ability to fully ENJOY being around hot babes.
Unlike other pickup artists, Carlos shares information that helps you not only in one area of life, but in many: in social relationships, at work, sports, with personal goals. He'll help make you a well-rounded, self-believing alpha MAN who's capable of just
about anything. And seducing gorgeous, high-quality women, is just the beginning."
- James Brito, How to Be Irresistible to Women
"Carlos Xuma is one of the few men in the 'seduction' or 'attraction' community who digs beneath the surface of passing attraction, and Explores what it is to be a man who attracts women by virtue of his character and, consequently, the natural outward expression of high character.
He brings words like 'discipline' and 'integrity' to the forefront, and waddya know, those are exactly the qualities women truly crave in a man."
- Grant Adams, CEO - net2bed.com
"Hey Carlos, I write about the biology of men and women's behavior. You seem to know the biology of behavior without knowing it. How do you do that? You have a deep intuition of dynamics - it took me 7 years of academic research to discover. And you find sharp ways to apply it practically... Keep up the good work, brother."
- Joe Quirk, Author of "Sperm are from Men, Eggs are from Women"
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