The TRUTH About Dating and Attraction...

Saturday, 3:15 AM: Carlos Xuma's Desk...

QUESTION:

Hey,

After reading some of the other books on the market I still think The Dating Black Book is the best one. Some of the others have material that's consistent with yours, but not as detailed.

Anyway, after working the online dating with blood, sweat, and tears I finally met a girl that I have a�real interest in. We met for a drink and the meeting went very well (thanks to the principles of the Dating Black Book). She even said she's gonna delete all the other emails she's received.

I've played it cool since then. I emailed her a couple days later just to tell her I had a nice time and that I will call her. She wrote back and addressed me as "sweety".

I called her a day later to set up a date for lunch that weekend (I can't do lunch weekdays), but no luck because she was leaving town that weekend (She even called back Friday Eve to tell me that she's leaving town Saturday, but that she does want to get together and of course I let the machine take it:-)).

Anyway, she does return my emails and phone calls, but she's also extremely busy and I believe her. She's in an MBA program part time and works 3 part time jobs. When I talk to her on the phone she seems enthusiastic, but on the phone and�in her emails she indicates she's very busy.�Here's the last email she wrote back to me, which was yesterday:

Hi A
I would love to do lunch...but i started working at a pizza place..waiting tables during lunch time. it's fun and good money... sorry we haven't had a chance to get together i have just been swamped..
talk to you soon
-J

My idea for our first date is to take her to lunch and go on a photo shoot of some ocean views in San Diego and to also show her around. I even mentioned that to her after a few attempts to set up a date. She moved here 4 months ago. I've called her once or twice a week (twice is because she asked me to call her back)�for 4 weeks now and I have not been able to set up the date. In the mean time I have continued to work online and the cold contacts as well.

My attitude is it's your "loss" if we don't get together, but at the same time she's seems genuine in wanting to get together, but not being able to. I thought for a second if she was playing me, but I seriously doubt it.�I know I definitely want to see her again. My approach is to email her once a week and call her every other week while I search for other women. What do you think I should do?

CARLOS:

Well, there's two parts to the tale I'm about to tell you.

The first part is that if she is busy, and you genuinely believe her to be busy, she's always going to be more difficult for you to obtain than you are for her. This immediately creates a situation in your mind where she will have a certain higher level of value to you, and you'll be at a disadvantage. (The person who is least available is almost always the most desired.)

Do you see how you SAY you're still doing other methods, but you chose to write me about THIS woman? Funny how that works, huh?

What makes this woman so special when you only saw her only ONCE??

Sounds kinda funny when I put it that way, huh?

And the next point:

A woman will make time for you at the level of interest she has for you.

In other words, EVERYONE has the time for something they truly want or desire, and if they don't have the time, they'll MAKE the time.

In other OTHER words - if you want something badly enough, you'll MAKE IT HAPPEN.

You could be hoping and hoping, based on what she says, that she's going to find the time, but she may never actually DO it. In the meantime, you lose more and more self-respect as you beg her (with your actions) to "please, oh please, see me again... "

You have to set a hard limit on how much avoidance you're willing to take.

(Just imagine what it would be like if you started dating her, and this was the kind of 'togetherness' you could expect. How would that suck? BIG time suckage.)

Give her a call (yes, TALK to her) and call her on her behavior:

"J, I realize you're a very busy person, as I am, but I really think we need to stop stalling and pull this thing together this week. I'm busy on Tuesday and Thursday, so let's get together on Wednesday."

If she gives you a lame excuse about "seeing a friend" or anything that doesn't seem as important as it would be to go out with a great guy, tell her to "break those plans - I'm more fun." And be dead serious. If she backs out again, tell her you think it's better if you're "just friends."

Your chances of getting anywhere with her decrease by a factor of ten every week that goes by and you don't get it together with her.

CONTINUED...

CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE...

QUESTION:

Maybe you can give me a little bit of help with this one. Let me know how you see it.

Had a date scheduled for this past Sat night with this girl I've been out with 2 times. The the thing is...it's been 2 weeks since our last date and we haven't seen each other since. It's just a cycle of making plans then something happens and we don't get together.

She works for tourism and is away some weekends. Our last date was on a Weds (we had a blast) and she had to leave town for that weekend so I told her to give me a call when she got back. She called me the day that she got back and wanted to do something but I wasn't feeling well so we rescheduled for the following Friday.

I had some stuff come up and had to go out of town, but I let her know during the day. We were planning to maybe do something when I got back, but I got back pretty late and got a phone call from some guys I hadn't seen in awhile and they wanted to head out. She told me "go with them" and seemed cool with it.

The Saturday she had a girl's night out and ended up getting pretty rocked so that she was hung over the next day and had to pull out of our Sunday plans, but she asked me to a movie for the Monday.

I get a call on the Monday and she's still not feeling well, so I tell her "no worries, give me a call when you're feeling better" and that's that. She calls me twice on the Weds (leaves 2 messages) and I call her back on the Thurs to make plans for Saturday. She had a family function during the day so she was going to call me in the evening around 9:30pm. Meanwhile I had to go out of town and ended up getting back at 10pm.

When I call her up her little sis decided to stay overnight and visit(she's from out of town) so now whatever plans I had for us include her sis. I didn't really want this, but I said ok and they were heading bowling so I tell them to call me when they get back at around 11pm.

It so happens that my neighbors come by and invite me over for a drink, but I program the call-forwarding to ring at their place, but for some reason it didn't work and I get home at 11:30 and see the message. I try them back but don't get them. I try later at around 12:30 and finally get her. She sounds a bit annoyed that I missed her call, but we reschedule for Sunday(today) and she says to give her a call.

So here we are. I planned a fun day and call her around 4:30pm, but I don't get her and I leave a message. I call her back at 7:30pm and leave one more message. Never heard back from her today. So what do you think is up? What should be my next move?

M.

CARLOS ANSWERS:

Another busy woman...

This combination is deadly to the kind of guy who is prone to treat women "nicely."

Circumstances can and will sometimes get in your way, but learn to recognize when they are just instances of "bad timing" and not a case of her being unwilling to put up the effort to see you.

Remember, a woman thinks of most guys she isn't immediately attracted to as "complications."

A man represents the possibility of heartbreak and sadness. (She only focuses on the good aspects AFTER she's invested in you a little and raises her "breakup cost.")

A woman is going to shift her focus to the most immediately compelling thing in front of her. If you don't do a convincing and powerful sales job, you're lost.

I don't mean to belittle your situation, but know that this happens very frequently with men. And the pattern is pretty consistent:

- You meet, maybe once or twice, there's a good connection, things feel "right"

- You feel good about the possibilities, and your hopes go up

- You call her for another date or get-together, and things again sound hopeful

- She breaks the date, or circumstances just don't permit you to get together again

- You try to set another date, and another, hoping to recapture that past "connection," but things just seem to keep "coming up"

- Eventually, you totally fall out of touch, or she pulls the "I'd rather we just be friends..." You wind up a little more angry and bitter.

It sucks when this happens, and it used to totally piss me off when this would happen over and OVER and OVER again...

Here's the solution:

You have to get her buying temperature up high as high as you can as soon as you can, because (as all salesmen know) her buying temperature goes down with every minute after you were with her the last time. Women cool off FAST.

What do you do now? Well, I'd say that your cause is pretty much dead, because when she has you chasing her around like this and isn't even giving you the courtesy of a call-back, she's lost interest. As Ferris Bueller said, "You can't respect someone who kisses your ass. It never works."

There comes a point where you lose posture faster than Wile E. Coyote can fall off a cliff, and you have to walk away, or risk losing your self-respect by throwing more good money after bad.

I used to throw away so many hours (even whole days) chasing women like this. Chasing the dream of what "could be..." It's so easy to do, especially when it seems like she's a great prospect, and you feel that this gal could really be special.

I always thought the effort I was putting in was what she WANTED. The harder I tried, the faster they disappeared.

And the cycle continues, usually downward, and leaving you frustrated and angry, wondering why women have to be this difficult.

Wouldn't it be great to learn how to raise her buying temperature enough so that you get that second date... the third date... as many as you want, because she REALLY digs you?

The cure for this is the TRUTH.

Education leads to understanding. Understanding leads to better choices. Better choices lead to better results.

And results are ALL that matters when it comes to the game of women.

I can show you the way to better results and success with women, and it's all in my e-book - THE DATING BLACK BOOK.

You can download it here:
/dating-advice-for-men.htm

You'll get answers to questions like:
... When is a woman playing you or REALLY interested?
... How do you stop being strung along for weeks and weeks by women, and how do you turn them on to you instead of you being turned into another girlfriend?
... How do you meet MORE hot women?
... How do you get them attracted to you right from the start?
... How do you stop paying for dates that go NOWHERE?

You know, I went out in the dating world for years and made a complete mess of myself and my dates. Kissing badly. Fumbling to get to first, second, third base ... Not sure how I was suppose to go for home plate. Not sure if I was being too "nice."

CONTINUED...

______________________

I learned the hard way when women would lose their interest in me. And, because I had no confidence that I could repeat my success from the last gal, I'd get stuck in the "better than nothing" complex, and I wouldn't cut my losses early enough.

Then, I saw what was going on. It became so clear that women don't want men who just chase around after them like lost puppies. They don't want "Nice Guys" who give them everything they want. (That's the problem! Most every guy gives a woman exactly what she SAYS she wants!)

But before you go, let me ask you something...

Are you looking to develop a few of the skills that you need to get dates with women? Not a ton of tricks, or magic hypnosis phrases, just a few core skills. I've got 'em.

They're not complicated, either.

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I'm in this to help you, educating men to do better in their lives in the one thing that has eluded us for thousands of years - SUCCESS WITH WOMEN.

Is there ANYTHING more important?

Remember life is too short, and death is too long.

Don't wait until your heart is broken before you take steps to learn how this game is played.

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I'll be back with more advice soon ...

This is the year for you to get successful with women!

- Carlos

The secrets of compelling communication and persuasion are easy to learn.

Most guys don't approach women because they haven't got the SKILLS to APPROACH WOMEN. Once you have them, you'll feel less anxious and you'll actually DO IT.

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