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CARLOS XUMA -
DATING ADVICE FOR MEN NEWSLETTER: |
The TRUTH About Dating and Attraction...
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Saturday, 2:45 AM: Carlos Xuma's Desk...
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QUESTION:
Carlos,
When I bought your book. I had just broken up with my girl. While I was single I had just started reading it and felt new to the game. As I studied more and more I got a couple chicks who were pretty cool but, when I learned they're flaws I went back with my girl of five years. I new it was a no-no, but I had improved myself so much by that point and she fell deep in love with me again.
I have changed so much in this past year. Buying and reading your book has changed me so much for the better. Not only for women but, in other aspects of my life as well. My career as a designer is starting to blossom now.
Girls love me more than ever, my girlfriend is hella sprung like when we first dated. I feel like I can get any girl if I want too. lots of chicks give me buying signals. When some find out I'm taken they turn up the pressure on me hardcore. oh, and they're all hot too, Carlos! I damn near get teary eyed thinking about how happy I have become since "The [Dating Black] Book".
I have a question. I know you're totally against infidelity. But, hear me out. I get the most insane urges to f*ck other women. I am in love with her and would like to marry her in a few years, after we start our careers and all. But why do I get these urges?
I think its my youth, but maybe I'm just sleazy. I mean C'mon Carlos. Famous men do it and they're wives stick with them. Is it only because of fame, power and wealth? Or, could any Alpha Man get away with this? What should I do?
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CARLOS ANSWERS:
There are a lot of things happening here, and each is equally worth noting.
First of all, I am against infidelity that is not previously agreed upon. Meaning, if you have an open relationship, fine. Boink the planet for all I care. (Just be wary of the risk for disease.)
I'm only against guys tricking or deceiving women into getting what they want. That's for chumps. Alpha Men know that all they have to do is be a REAL Man to get what they want.
If you are not looking for a serious relationship, there's nothing wrong with that.
Remember, nothing succeeds like success. Today's feast of women that APPEAR to be desiring you might actually dry up if you were to dump your current girl for the freedom.
You've heard the saying about "feast or famine"? That's why.
When you're feasting, your attitude is up, and you give off a real Alpha Vibe to all the women. When you don't have a woman, you look at all of them as your next best hope. And they sense it and quickly disappear.
That is why you must start these 'relationships' off on the right foot. Let her know up front that you're not looking to "settle down." Don't say it with words, say it with attitude. You should never have to explain yourself in words.
Famous figures appear to get away with this, but there's a reason: Many of their relationships aren't exactly healthy. There are many women who will put up with this kind of treatment (i.e., damaged goods) because they have no self-esteem. Still others are in relationships of convenience where they are affiliated with their partner, not in any kind of love. or connection. A certain ex-President of the US comes to mind.
The bottom line is that if you want to go poking in new pastures, go ahead, but be honorable and let your woman know that you are not being monogamous. Being sly only undermines your Alpha Attitude.
And remember, the grass is ALWAYS greener. For now, you can mow as many lawns as you like.
CONTINUED...
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CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE...
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QUESTION:
Whatup Carlos,
I took this girl out last Saturday, and she said she was busy this weekend. I didn't ask if she had a good time last Saturday after I dropped her off or the day after.
I asked her on Monday, and she said she said. Then she asked me if I did, and I paused and said yes eventually, after she tried to tease me by saying "no" to complete my answer.
I feel like I should've calmed her nerves between the date and Monday, but instead I didn't even talk to her for a couple days. This week she had been nervous around me.
I actually asked her out again on Monday because I felt that attraction was high, and she said she'll see. I asked her again on Thursday morning, and she said that she had plans this weekend. I think it would be a good idea to call her and ask her if I did or said anything that threw her off since or during the last date, and she'll probably say yes, because she has been nervous and uptight around me.
I've been going crazy over this one. Suggestions?
Thanks,
K
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CARLOS ANSWERS:
That's what I love to see... a guy who got the books and within a week is starting to GET IT.
The first thing to avoid is that "am I doing good?" syndrome, where you check in with the woman to find out how you're doing. The most common way guys do this is to ask a woman if they had a good time at the end of the date.
WRONG.
If she didn't have a good time, she isn't going to tell you, Einstein.
And if she did, she now knows you're a little insecure about it because you asked.
Translation:
LOSE-LOSE situation.
Never ask the question.
A real Alpha Man doesn't need to ask. He generates his own fun, and is always fun, even when he's NOT fun.
You get me?
Calming her nerves is NOT your job.
If she's got nerves, it's because of her own thinking.
You WANT her a little nervous. That shows that she's concerned about how well SHE is doing. This means she's still qualifying herself to you.
Now, if a woman just can't stop being shaky all the time during the date, I usually like to ask, "Are you nervous?"
And inevitably she will admit that she is a little. Then you get to give her a SHORT hug and say, "it's going to be just fine."
Women LOVE this. It shows that you're a MAN if you can comfort her and transfuse a little of your confidence to her.
Then you gave it a break and didn't talk for a few days.
GOOD MOVE!
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Most guys are too eager and end up calling way too soon, or trying to fish for feedback from her too much. You avoided this trap. Good job...
But now you're telling me you think it's a good idea to call her and check in with her about how she's feeling.
Hmmm...
Normally, I'd say you have to avoid this need to calm her down or check in, but it sounds like she's been edgy and nervous for over a week or two, which is a little weird. It sounds like she's uncertain about how to tell you NO, she's not interested.
You see, women are often put into an internal conflict when it comes time to own up to their feelings about you. They don't want to think of themselves as BAD or HURTING you, so they keep avoiding the direct truth with a few well planned HINTS that they hope you'll take.
But this one could go either way based on what you're telling me (*and not telling me.)
Either way, you need to be the one to either fix it or move on. She's not going to come to you, so you have to go to her.
First of all, forget the phone thing. Unless you have NO other way to see her, the phone is the wimpy way out on this one.
Go see her in person.
Ask her point blank:
"Hey, I've noticed you're a little off this past week. Now, I know I normally make women nervous with my incredible good looks (laugh), but I want to know if you're going to be able to handle another night of fun out with me?"
And see how she takes that. Watch her body language and listen to what she's saying between her words. If she seems nervously avoiding you, and she won't agree to another date, it's time to move on.
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CONTINUED...
______________________
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Then tell her something to reassure her that she's going to be okay. "Hey, I see you're pretty shaky when I'm around. I just want you to know that you're doing just fine so far. You've got no reason to be nervous. I still think you're pretty cool. I'll let you hold my hand next time if it will help." (Smiles...)
You see what I did there? I put the blame of the nervousness on HER. It's not MY fault. And if she wants to enjoy my presence some more, she can know that I'll be a strong MAN for her.
Powerful men don't try too hard. They know how to influence a woman by demonstrating their internal strength in certain ways.
Do you want to start learning how to dramatically improve your self-confidence with real, time-proven methods?
Are you ready to drop that lame "Nice Guy" routine and start showing her a real Alpha Man?
If you'd like to learn more about REAL Game and the successful attitudes of an Alpha Man, you should take a look at the program that will put you on the path - The Secrets of the Alpha Man.
http://www.alphaseduction.com
Just remember: Every man is self-made, but only the SUCCESSFUL admit it.
I'll be back with more advice soon ...
- Carlos Xuma
"Carlos
Not sure if this will actually get to you. Just wanted to say "You KICK ASS!!"
I honestly havent felt this confident and had so much control with a women ever...
You're Bigger than life! keep it coming
Sincerely, Ron S."
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The secrets of compelling communication and persuasion are easy to learn.
Most guys don't approach women because they haven't got the SKILLS to APPROACH WOMEN. Once you have them, you'll feel less anxious and you'll actually DO IT.
It's time to learn the TRUTH about women ... and attraction.
It's all about your Inner Game...
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Discover your inner Alpha Man - NOW
Click HERE to learn more...
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Listen to what the other gurus are saying about Carlos' work...
"I've read every book and studied every system on dating. The problem with most 'gurus' in this field is that they're not teaching men how to build a solid foundation. Until you change your internal belief system and adopt an Alpha mindset, all the
tactics and techniques in the world aren't going to do you any good. (Actually, it's like learning just enough karate to get your ass kicked!) Carlos Xuma is the best there is at teaching men how to develop their 'inner game.' From
there, he'll give you the complete set of tools for approaching women, and life, with absolute confidence and skill. If you're in this game to win it, these are the rules you need to learn."
- "Supreme", M.A.C.K. Tactics co-creator
"Carlos Xuma is a man who has a clear passion for imparting the success with women he has experienced to other guys worldwide. He approaches his craft with immense integrity and a distinct style!"
- Scot McKay, X & Y Communications, DeserveWhatYouWant.com
"Carlos Xuma is the REAL DEAL! If you are serious about creating an extraordinary relationship. You will learn more about the needs and desires of women than they do themselves! I highly recommend
Carlos to any man who is ready to get the woman of his dreams. I love his game, its 100% real."
- The Dean, Dating4Men.com
"Carlos Xuma is one of those rare guys in the field who actually GETS what interacting with women is all about. His advice goes beyond the pick-up lines and approach techniques that so many guys use and fail with. Rather, Carlos gives guys everywhere practical,
valuable advice that will make men attractive not just for one night, but for many, many years. He lays down the foundation for becoming a NATURALLY attractive man, full of confidence and the ability to fully ENJOY being around hot babes.
Unlike other pickup artists, Carlos shares information that helps you not only in one area of life, but in many: in social relationships, at work, sports, with personal goals. He'll help make you a well-rounded, self-believing alpha MAN who's capable of just
about anything. And seducing gorgeous, high-quality women, is just the beginning."
- James Brito, How to Be Irresistible to Women
"Carlos Xuma is one of the few men in the 'seduction' or 'attraction' community who digs beneath the surface of passing attraction, and Explores what it is to be a man who attracts women by virtue of his character and, consequently, the natural outward expression of high character.
He brings words like 'discipline' and 'integrity' to the forefront, and waddya know, those are exactly the qualities women truly crave in a man."
- Grant Adams, CEO - net2bed.com
"Hey Carlos, I write about the biology of men and women's behavior. You seem to know the biology of behavior without knowing it. How do you do that? You have a deep intuition of dynamics - it took me 7 years of academic research to discover. And you find sharp ways to apply it practically... Keep up the good work, brother."
- Joe Quirk, Author of "Sperm are from Men, Eggs are from Women"
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