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CARLOS XUMA -
DATING ADVICE FOR MEN NEWSLETTER: |
The TRUTH About Dating and Attraction...
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Saturday, 12:25 AM: Carlos Xuma's Desk...
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QUESTION:
I'll ask you a question about Alpha man behavior, especially since you are a martial arts instructor. I've joined a martial arts school recently and have taken about 5 classes so far.
If a guy that is a real hot head gets in your face, insults you, and raises his voice at you, should you automatically fight him? Should you match his tone of voice, and get pissed yourself, throwing insults back at him, and pushing him in the chest, which is the almost universal form of male aggression leading to a fight? Or try to deescalate the situation verbally?
That is definitely showing disrespect, and I know that disrespect is totally unacceptable. I need a better idea of when to entertain the idea of fighting, and when not to. I'm thinking tha if I try to verbally talk him down, he may think I am a wimp and afraid of him, and totally lose respect for me.
I know that if I got in some guys' face, he'd prolly want to kick my ass. I also know that fighting has repurcussions, but I want to know how to get and keep respect, even when a dude tries me like this.
CARLOS:
The first thing your sensei should teach you is that non-violence is the best measure. Remember the words from Kung-Fu, that TV show from the seventies:
"Avoid rather than check. Check rather than hurt. Hurt rather than maim. Maim rather than kill. Kill rather than be killed. For all life is precious, nor can any be replaced..."
The only time you fight is when A) you have no choice, and B) You know he's going to throw a punch. Then you strike FIRST.
The only way you get experienced at B is by feeling out people's energy, and it's not something that most can do. They're leading very insulated lives (insulated emotionally) and prefer the blind aggression to the real deal.
Remember that Martial Artists tend to be driven by ego more than ability. They put themselves in harm's way far too often because they just got their "blue" belt or some crap like that, and they endanger themselves and everyone around them.
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The best approach is learning how to verbally disarm someone. I teach my students this, and my Sensei taught me this as well. You have to learn how to talk someone down out of their rage inspired moment of assault.
Why?
Because if that jackass has a shim or a knife on him, or even a gun, you know that no karate in the world can stop a bullet. You might be able to disarm them of a weapon, but don't count on getting away without bloodshed.
That being said, you do not escalate verbal confrontation. You have to tame your anger and learn how to VERBALLY SPAR. You have to learn how to manipulate conversation and defuse these guys.
You learn how to defend yourself physically... so it stands to reason that you better learn how to defend yourself verbally, too.
The way that you show that disrespect is unacceptable is by not accepting it, but not by throwing punches or returning in-kind.
You simply say something like, "Now why would you say something like that? I thing you're a pretty cool guy. I don't understand why you want to disrespect me like that when we're having a perfectly fun conversation here. Why is that?"
Watch how Richard Dreyfuss does this in "Stakeout." He talks down a drunk angry guy with just a few confidently placed actions and words.
QUESTION - SORT OF...
Here's the first email from this guy:
"I disagree with your definition of a Alpha Male. The term represents the ancient archetype of the leader of small tribes and family's from our caveman days.
It isn't some nice guy running around in modern society. And for you to say he lacks aggression??? WTF Carlos. That is totally eroneous. Look at the history of the alpha male as being the most aggressive of males. That is why nature selected him to lead and dominate."
And here's his second email:
"what your portraying is a Real Man not a Alpha male. You should rechange your email to reflect this. Your list of criteria has nothing to do with the real archetype of the alpha male.
Who was agressive, clever, cunning, viscious and most of the things you said a alpha male was not.
Player_Supreme"
CONTINUED...
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CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE...
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CARLOS LAUGHS HEARTILY:
I get this a lot.
There are a lot of guys who love to challenge my expertise and knowledge. Apparently, in their little village, they're the experts on this sort of thing.
The interesting thing is that if someone knows so much about a topic, why do they spend so much effort to poke holes in someone else's work?
Answer: EGO
Too much insecurity and time on his hands.
But I want to address what he talks about because there is some confusion here.
First of all I'm redefining the Alpha Man. (DUH. That's why I capitalized it. And the term is Alpha MALE when referred to in scientific terms.)
The Alpha Man is aggressive, but not overtly and not in a warlike, animal fashion.
You see I'm not trying to elicit men to revert to primal behavior here.
I'm trying to get you guys laid. Not in a gang war.
BIG DIFFERENCE.
Some guys just don't get that while we are MEN deep inside, we have EVOLVED.
That means that downright aggression is going to be viewed as BAD.
This doesn't mean that I'm not willing to fight for what I believe in. In fact, I think that most guys out there would rather avoid a confrontation. But you have to learn how to use that anger and aggression to FUEL your forward progress.
Am I making sense here?
Good.
Let's move on.
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Now, he does have a point that the ARCHETYPE has these traits. Again, I'm not going to waste my time (and yours) by beating this example to death. Even though we need to emulate some of these caveman behaviors, we don't need to actually get big foreheads and drag our knuckles, now do we?
(If you're interested in what archetypes are, I suggest you study a little Carl Jung. He studied that there are symbols and examples in our lives that are standard, no matter what culture you are from. It's interesting stuff. Might even make great conversation on a date.)
Now as for other Alpha traits, I never said that Alpha Men (again, not "Male" - I'm referring to a MODERN Alpha) were not clever or cunning. In fact, in my e-book I explain this very thoroughly. The one trait a modern Alpha Man MUST have is the ability to out-THINK his enemies. Muscle is no longer the rule of the day.
In fact, it never was.
If brute force were all we needed to assure our survival, we'd never have gotten any smarter. It just so happens that intellect and wiles are much more important than physical power.
The true Alpha is able to manipulate social situations with ease.
That's why more women are Alpha than we might give them credit for.
So what you have here is a misunderstanding, probably.
This guy thought I was referring to the ideal Alpha Male, not my own modern Alpha Man. He probably was busy with this encyclopedia looking up all this great new terminology.
What he should have been doing was reading MY book... :)
If you want more Q&A, I suggest you go check out my Blog right now. I've got a ton of new information there for you, and it's updated pretty much every day.
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But before you go, let me ask you something...
Are you looking to develop a few of the skills that you need to attract women? Not a ton of tricks, or magic hypnosis phrases, just a few core skills. I've got 'em.
They're not complicated, either.
I cover this and many other topics in my e-books and audio. If you'd like to learn more about how the REAL players get the women, you can download the information right away.
If you want to get that kind of understanding and control over your love life, you need to read my e-book. And you can get the benefits of my best e-books, RISK FREE for the next 90 days.
Get my books, the audio, read them and hear me explain the strategies, and then put it to work for you right away.
I wrote them in a simple, easy-to-use format that ANYONE can learn. Nothing is complicated, and there's no dumb hypnosis routines to learn. Just the stuff that will help YOU get more success with women.
THE DATING BLACK BOOK - This e-book set covers the dating scene, from meeting women, to your best attitude, to strategies, to how to touch women, to driving up their attraction, to dumping them when you need to move on. Looking for a woman? This book shows you the BIG picture.
Put this link in your browser to download it (you may have to put www. in front of it): datingdynamics.com
SECRETS OF THE ALPHA MAN - This e-book and CD coaching covers your inner game, from meeting women, to cultivating complete confidence, to life and success strategies, to understanding what the winners and Alpha Men in life have that you can have, too. Looking for a better lifestyle and inner confidence, as well as more women? This book shows you a map to a more successful LIFE.
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CONTINUED...
______________________
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Put this link in your browser to see all the great stuff in this set (you may have to put www. in front of it): alphaseduction.com
ADVANCED AUDIO COACHING - And if you're like most guys that love to hear advice and audible examples of things to learn by, and you want new and fresh tips every single month, The ADVANCED AUDIO COACHING is something for you to get.
Each month we go into loads of detail about every aspect of dating and seduction. From what to say to what to wear, to what to cook, to what to do when it's time to close the deal. Every session is over 100 minutes of top-quality digital audio that you can download and listen to right away. No waiting for a CD to ship!
Put this link in your browser to check it out (you may have to put "w w w" in front of it): datingdynamics.com/audioprog.htm
I'm in this to help you, educating men to do better in their lives in the one thing that has eluded us for thousands of years - SUCCESS WITH WOMEN.
Is there ANYTHING more important?
Remember life is too short, and death is too long.
Don't wait until your heart is broken before you take steps to learn how this game is played.
Get the information on how to improve your dating life TODAY. Make the changes you need to make to get the love, bedroom action, and relationships that you want and DESERVE to have.
I'll be back with more advice soon ...
This is the year for you to get successful with women!
- Carlos
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The secrets of compelling communication and persuasion are easy to learn.
Most guys don't approach women because they haven't got the SKILLS to APPROACH WOMEN. Once you have them, you'll feel less anxious and you'll actually DO IT.
It's time to learn the TRUTH about women ... and attraction.
It's all about your Inner Game...
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Discover your inner Alpha Man - NOW
Click HERE to learn more...
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Listen to what the other gurus are saying about Carlos' work...
"I've read every book and studied every system on dating. The problem with most 'gurus' in this field is that they're not teaching men how to build a solid foundation. Until you change your internal belief system and adopt an Alpha mindset, all the
tactics and techniques in the world aren't going to do you any good. (Actually, it's like learning just enough karate to get your ass kicked!) Carlos Xuma is the best there is at teaching men how to develop their 'inner game.' From
there, he'll give you the complete set of tools for approaching women, and life, with absolute confidence and skill. If you're in this game to win it, these are the rules you need to learn."
- "Supreme", M.A.C.K. Tactics co-creator
"Carlos Xuma is a man who has a clear passion for imparting the success with women he has experienced to other guys worldwide. He approaches his craft with immense integrity and a distinct style!"
- Scot McKay, X & Y Communications, DeserveWhatYouWant.com
"Carlos Xuma is the REAL DEAL! If you are serious about creating an extraordinary relationship. You will learn more about the needs and desires of women than they do themselves! I highly recommend
Carlos to any man who is ready to get the woman of his dreams. I love his game, its 100% real."
- The Dean, Dating4Men.com
"Carlos Xuma is one of those rare guys in the field who actually GETS what interacting with women is all about. His advice goes beyond the pick-up lines and approach techniques that so many guys use and fail with. Rather, Carlos gives guys everywhere practical,
valuable advice that will make men attractive not just for one night, but for many, many years. He lays down the foundation for becoming a NATURALLY attractive man, full of confidence and the ability to fully ENJOY being around hot babes.
Unlike other pickup artists, Carlos shares information that helps you not only in one area of life, but in many: in social relationships, at work, sports, with personal goals. He'll help make you a well-rounded, self-believing alpha MAN who's capable of just
about anything. And seducing gorgeous, high-quality women, is just the beginning."
- James Brito, How to Be Irresistible to Women
"Carlos Xuma is one of the few men in the 'seduction' or 'attraction' community who digs beneath the surface of passing attraction, and Explores what it is to be a man who attracts women by virtue of his character and, consequently, the natural outward expression of high character.
He brings words like 'discipline' and 'integrity' to the forefront, and waddya know, those are exactly the qualities women truly crave in a man."
- Grant Adams, CEO - net2bed.com
"Hey Carlos, I write about the biology of men and women's behavior. You seem to know the biology of behavior without knowing it. How do you do that? You have a deep intuition of dynamics - it took me 7 years of academic research to discover. And you find sharp ways to apply it practically... Keep up the good work, brother."
- Joe Quirk, Author of "Sperm are from Men, Eggs are from Women"
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