The TRUTH About Dating and Attraction...

Saturday, 7:30 PM: Carlos Xuma's Desk...

QUESTION: WHY DOES SHE NEED TO KNOW?

Carlos, one question. when I ask for a girls name majority of them would say "why?" or why do you want to know my name?" this is after I talk with her for more than five minutes and I see she is interested.

What do they mean by this and how should I answer them.

-H

CARLOS:

Well, first of all, if you're talking to a woman for more than five minutes, and she won't give you her name, SHE'S NOT THAT INTERESTED.

Or she's a game-playing manipulating psychopath.

But let's forget that last option for a moment here.

Any woman that is sufficiently interested in you will have NO problem telling you her name after a couple minutes of engaging conversation. If she doesn't, she isn't.

That should be a new chant for you.

If she doesn't, she isn't.

What's really a concern here is that you are perceiving her as interested when she obviously isn't.

Remember, there are only two states of thinking: Enlightened or Deluded.

Sometimes women like to play games like this, not giving you their name to test you, but if she's testing you like that when you've invested a few minutes of conversation with her, that really indicates a much different problem.

This problem happened before you asked for her name.

If a woman needs to know WHY, you haven't SHOWN her why with your Alpha Attitude.

If you want to know what to say, how about: "Because I'm planning to write a love poem to you when I get home. Wait, on second thought, you probably have one of those embarrassing porn star names, like 'Yolanda Giggles,' or 'Iwannabe Onattop,' right?"

But if you want to cure the problem and not just the symptom, you should learn the Secrets of the Alpha Man.

http://www.alphaseduction.com/dating-advice.htm

Remember, tomorrow (Wednesday) is the May Teleseminar! If you want to get in on this exclusive chance to talk shop with Carlos, get registered.

You'll see the link in the scrolling window of the Dating Dynamics web site:
/dating-advice.htm

QUESTION: ESCALATION SKILLS

I still don't understand how to deepen a woman's attraction for me.

I am good at getting a number as well as getting a first hang out, but that's where the problems start.

Since I am clueless as far as deepening their attraction it instantly becomes like we're just friends when we hang out. And if I move in for a kiss, at any point, it's like they're surprised that someone they thought of as a friend would do that.

It's amazing how quickly this friends veil gets thrown over me. It's like at any point I try to move along the Dating Continuum, they pull the rug out from under me. I don't think it's simply a question of rapport because I've gotten that and it still amounts to surprise/rejection if I move in for a kiss. Or even worse sometimes they'll go with the kiss and then won't hang out with me again because it wasn't what they wanted from me.

I know what it's like to be in control with a woman, unfortunately the only times I've had it in my life are the rare occasions that a woman has just taken a liking to me before she even knows me. Then it's smooth and easy sailing.

CONTINUED...

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CARLOS:

I think I know where you're coming from on this one.

Try this on for size:

You feel like you're in a rut. You start out with this nagging feeling that the only women you can attract are the ones that are ALREADY attracted to you. You even probably feel that you are ENTITLED to some results for the amount of effort you put in. It's hard to feel comfortable when you have this nagging frustration that the next one is going to turn out like the last one.

Take a step back.

Breathe.

When you've perceived this issue for this long, you're going to have a LJBF ("Let's Just Be Friends") vibe to you, no matter what you may think. For the longest time, I would sit there thinking, "But I'm not doing anything WRONG! I'm acting the way I know I should, but they're not responding!!"

And I'd beat my head against the wall figuring that what I was told to do wasn't working for me. That I was such a loser at this game that I was the exception to the rule about getting women attracted.

It took a while for me to let go of that strange mix of frustration and hostility. No matter how long you've been perceiving this problem, there comes a time when you have to accept that the problem is only there because of BEHAVIOR.

YOUR behavior.

Then you have to let go of the belief that there is something especially WRONG about you that keeps you from succeeding where others do. These tactics and strategies work because they form the foundation of a persuasive, charismatic, confident male that women are attracted to.

Now, accept that there will always be some women who are not attracted to you for any number of reasons, going all the way back to the time they didn't get a kitty for their sixth birthday.

You can, however, still get more success with more women. You can't get EVERY woman, but you can always get MORE than you currently are.

It starts with that all-important attitude, or "vibe" if you will. This is not an instant cure-all, but it is an absolute MUST for any future successes.

Your confidence and cool demeanor is immediately sabotaged when you're thinking something differently underneath. You can't be James Bond AND thinking "Gosh, I hope I don't lose this fight with the evil henchman, or I'm screwed!"

Any difference between what you believe and what you say is immediately broadcasted to a woman. You may not think so, but it is. You must be completely comfortable with yourself in a way that communicates itself to her.

I could hear the frustration in your words. Now, if I can pick up on that in your EMAIL, imagine what you're communicating in the tone and expression and body language you give to HER.

Have you ever watched a movie where you saw an actor saying his lines with ease, and even putting in a decent performance, but you KNEW deep down that he wasn't really into it? (I'm thinking Robert DeNiro in the last 10 years.) Sure, all the words were there, but you could see in their eyes that something just wasn't jiving between their acting and the role.

They weren't CONVINCING.

This is what it's like when a guy is caught up in the focus of his frustration and need for results as opposed to going along with the process. It's a lot like when you're laying awake in bed, worrying over falling asleep, which keeps you from falling asleep. No matter how much you TRY, you have to let go of TRYING to actually fall asleep.

Remember a success: Think back to a time when everything seemed to fall into place. You were relaxed. You probably didn't even care if the gal was interested in you.

You found the right things to say.

Deep inside, you felt a calm SURENESS that helped you find the words and the actions. You were coming from an entirely different attitude, and that attitude conveyed your confidence in a way that cannot be verbalized.

As a side-note...

You guys should also know how to get the kiss by now, and you can even test to make sure you'll get it. There's no reason you should ever go for a kiss wondering if she'll return it. You must always know beforehand, and save yourself a lot of anguish later on. Use the test instead of waiting for your end-of-date surprise.

Keep in mind that unless there is an immediate chemistry between you and a woman, you'll start out in a neutral situation with her. It's up to YOU to demonstrate the behaviors that PULL her in rather than letting her LJBF you.

Some of the things you must actively do:

- Tease her on occasion. This communicates a person who doesn't need a woman's approval.

- Find ways to drive up the tension by using touch (this is covered thoroughly in the Kinesthetics part of the Dating Black Book.)

- Use emotionally charged language and excitement questions

- Use funny, playful humor. MAKE HER LAUGH. This is probably the MOST important to do. Don't do this in self-deprecating ways, but find the humor around you and use it to make the conversation sparkle with FUN.

Use that as a starting checklist to go along with the pre-date checklist I sent you. Make sure you're doing ALL of them - especially the humor. If you're not comfortable and having fun, a woman is not going to either. Sad to say, but most other people look to the people they're with to validate their own experiences. You must lead her to the fun she wants to have.

You're right; rapport isn't enough. That just gets some commonality going, but it doesn't start the charge of excitement and sexual tension between you. That's where you should target your effort.

There are a lot of things you're doing RIGHT, though. You're getting the numbers. You're getting the meetings. You're going for the inevitable conclusion - kiss or no kiss.

You're getting in the sandbox and getting dirty. That's 90% of the game. (Though, I realize it's not enough of a consolation.) Now you just have to improve your skills along the path, and find a way to relax and be comfortable with women as well.

Take a step back. Go out with women just to enjoy their company. Get back in the swing of being with other women for the sake of how you can make THEM feel. Get to the place where you don't want them to want you for more than friends, and lose that air of NEED. Only then will you find that zone where you can start to really practice the strategies and see results.

It's tempting to wing it. It really is. Some guys think that they'll "Figure women out" when they get to a certain point, except that point never comes.

You can get this kind of understanding RIGHT NOW. Head on over to /dating-advice.htm and get your dating life under YOUR control.

CONTINUED...

______________________

These emails give you "Players" advice, but you still need to understand the rules of the game.

Do you know why Inner Game is ESSENTIAL to your success?

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Ask yourself: What am I waiting for?

Another failed date? Another $50 or more blown on a woman that really wasn't into me?

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http://www.alphaseduction.com/dating-advice.htm

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If you get the program today, I'll send you the e-book RIGHT AWAY so you can get started... AND I'll even send you a link to join the Alpha Man Forum - a special user group where you can exchange information and tips with other Alpha Men.

Just remember: Every man is self-made, but only the SUCCESSFUL admit it.

I'll be back with more advice soon ...

- Carlos Xuma

The secrets of compelling communication and persuasion are easy to learn.

Most guys don't approach women because they haven't got the SKILLS to APPROACH WOMEN. Once you have them, you'll feel less anxious and you'll actually DO IT.

It's time to learn the TRUTH about women ... and attraction.

It's all about your Inner Game...

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