The TRUTH About Dating and Attraction...

Saturday, 5:35 PM: Carlos Xuma's Desk...

QUESTION:

Here is a long question. I am involved with this woman that we have been connected for a long time. We go back and forth with the fighting and such.She says were are friends but act like more. Then she says I disrespect her when I tell her I love her.

But when we are together she acts differently when we talk on the phone or email. What she says and what she feels is different. There is so much fear and anger from past relations that is trying to recreate those. I can recognize that now.

She wants to end the contact but in her emails there is so much energy that I know she really does not want to. She went away for about 4 months and then came back.

She always give me hint of the connection. What do you think is the best way to get past her head.When she is not in the head she can feel but when she is it is difficult. Need some clarity. Thanks

CARLOS ANSWERS:

Let me tell you something... Women have been playing this innocent dual-personality gambit for as long as time itself.

Hell, I used to get caught up in it before I learned what was really happening.

I'm going to be blunt here, since I'm in one of those moods. Plus, I just had my gums irrigated. And since I don't do anesthetics, I'm in a surly mood.

- This woman is probably damaged. In technical terms, she's f*$&ed up. "Fear and Anger" are not what you want, are they? I hope not. Make better decisions for yourself, even she can't for herself.

- Stop trying to interpret what she wants for her. You can't MAKE a person want you. If she really wanted you, she wouldn't be holding herself back. She'd be in your arms and in your bed.

- Go out and meet ten quality women (i.e., no baggage), and take it to a romantic level with them. If you still want this stunningly messed up specimen after that, by all means, go for it. But you know what? You won't.

- You're addicted to the variable reinforcement you're getting. Just when you are about to give up, I bet she gives you just the right amount of hope. It's classical addiction behavior. And if you don't watch out, it will ruin your Alpha Man attitude. (It already has made you waste time and energy in a relationship that has gone NOWHERE.)

- The concept of sunk costs says that no matter how much you want to , you can't recover money that has been spent, or invested without giving a return. It's gone.� The best thing you can do is to go find a GOOD place to invest. But most people follow their (wrong) emotions that tell them if they just hang on a little longer, they'll get the Big Reward. So they continue to throw good money after bad.

When the game you're in is costing you more than it is returning, it's time to MOVE ON.

PERIOD.

And then you need to learn how to change your attitude to be the Alpha Man that women want.

Sure, books like "The Game" have brought this area into the public eye, but if all you do is copy a bunch of techniques from some forum somewhere, you're not going to do well. You'll get blown out by women and your attitude will go right down the drain.

Instead, why not learn how to use your REAL personality to get women?

You can find out more on my Alpha Immersion web site...

QUESTION:

I deleted my ex from my life. And as I said I'm meeting A LOT of women and it's a lot to keep up. But My Best Friend is still hanging out and talking to my ex. She stayed with him a week after we broke up. He and she said nothing happened but come on really.

But I've known this guy as a friend for about 12 years. I sent him an email saying its a slap in the face but how would you handle the situation?

thanks for all your help.

CARLOS ANSWERS:

I'm sitting here with a wry smile on my face, shaking my head and sighing.

You can imagine what I'm thinking, can't you?

Your 'best' friend, huh?

Not really. Not if he "helps" a friend out like this.

Just imagine, a few years down the road, and you're hitting a tough spot with your wife. Your 'friend' says, "Hey, buddy, no worries. I'll help you out any way I can. You can even come here and stay at my place few days if you need to get away from her. I'll even go over and check to be sure your woman is okay, too. How's that?"

Wow. What a buddy.

NOT!

What I sense here is a guy who doesn't feel you're an Alpha enough to stick up for yourself, or the sanctity of the friendship. Even if nothing happened (which I'll admit is a possibility), he should have refused if he was any kind of THOUGHTFUL friend.

I think that HE thinks you're a pussy, and he can walk over your friendship if it suits him. Then he's going to bang your confused little girlfriend. Sorry to be blunt, but I tell the TRUTH here.

You know what I say? F*ck all this feel-good nonsense and make sure he knows EXACTLY how you feel, and EXACTLY what the repercussions are for taking your friendship for granted.

CONTINUED...

CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE...

You sent him an Email?
Are you KIDDING me? What kind of scolding is that?

Call him up and give him a piece of your mind. He's playing you for a chump, or he's got all the awareness of a piece of astro-turf. Either way, he needs a good talking-to.

No one respects what they do not fear a little, my friend.

Or at least fear losing.

I discuss this and many other essential elements of being a dominant male in my program: The Secrets of the Alpha Man.

But once this has been resolved, please find a way to let it go and move on, for everyone's benefit.

I cover what you need to do to develop this Alpha Power in your life (and in how you present what you do, which I cover specifically in the e-book) in the Secrets of the Alpha Man Program.

It's what you need to develop the inner game that will make your life what YOU want it to be.

And not just with women...

Learn more about conversational control when you Approach Women

Powerful men don't try too hard. They know how to influence a woman by demonstrating their internal strength in certain ways.

Do you want to start learning how to dramatically improve your self-confidence with real, time-proven methods?

Are you ready to drop that lame "Nice Guy" routine and start showing her a real Alpha Man?

If you'd like to learn more about REAL Game and the successful attitudes of an Alpha Man, you should take a look at the program that will put you on the path - The Secrets of the Alpha Man.

http://www.alphaseduction.com

Just remember: Every man is self-made, but only the SUCCESSFUL admit it.

I'll be back with more advice soon ...

- Carlos Xuma

REALLY TOUGH QUESTION:

Carlos,

At the first meeting I cracked some jokes, she laughs and says am funny.

WHAT DOES SHE MEAN?

CARLOS:

Uhhh....

She thinks you're funny.

?

I don't mean to be flippant, but don't try to pull too much meaning out of nothing. Too much "reading into" a woman's words is a bad path to follow.

And if you're ever unsure, why not just ASK?

ALPHA MAN QUESTION-

Playing hard to get:

First let me thank you for saving me from my self. You have a lot of straight advice and clear understanding, I'm grateful for both. I'm now on the path to be a more confident and more aware Alpha Man. I've already notice a difference to how women respond to me. I've only started, but the future looks good.

I'm still in college, and I've ran into a snag and I wanted your input. I'm getting really positive signals from one individual. I was being smart, cocky, and funny; and before I knew it she asked me for my number.

I have class with this girl once a week, (Economics) and I'm getting really good signals, strong eye contact, good flirty conversations, and a disappointed tone when I end a call early.

The problem is when I try to set something up out side of class, she's hard to reach. She's out of town when I'm available, she has plans with her friends and that she will call me back but doesn't. (I didn't call back after that; I'll see her again in a few days) She seems a little shy to be a female player, and I'm getting the sense that she's playing hard to get.

My question is am I reading this wrong? Are these female games? If she is interested then how do I pass these obstacles?

CARLOS:

She's probably playing hard to get, but the worst offense is that you're playing this game with her.

Women do this crap all the time. They flash you a winning smile, and then you're smitten. You're falling all over yourself to get with her, but somehow you just can't make it happen.

They dangle this carrot in front of you ALL the time, but nothing happens, and you're left with the impression that there's something to be salvaged here.

There's NOTHING here. Things didn't move forward when they should have, and now she's just turning into another flake.

This is the simplest way I can say this, and I don't mean to sound nasty when I reveal this earth-shattering truth to you, but ...

If a woman is into you, she'll MAKE TIME FOR YOU.

It WILL happen.

If she's not into you, it won't. And there's no amount of fantasizing about what MIGHT happen or could happen that will get this to change.

Drop her like a bag full of Dalmation poop and get on the path to finding the next one... the REAL one.

Remember, YOU are the one accepting this treatment. And I do need to remind you that we teach people how we want to be treated. We teach them by how we behave when they test us like this.

You have no time for a woman who plays these stupid and infantile hard-to-get games, and she needs to FEEL that. Ya dig?

Go find five other girls who want what you've got and are willing to set aside a few minutes to enjoy your wonderful world and what you've got to offer.

And then this gal can come running back all depressed because she missed out.

Then maybe she'll start to learn not to take things for granted - right now instead of ten years down the road.

Short story, dude - you don't have the time to waste on her. Get busy with the rest of campus. They're waiting!

COCKY and FUNNY - TEASING QUESTION:

hey carlos whats up man, I have a couple of things that I do not get with girls....first off I understand the whole tease to please, cocky funny attitude, and once I get into it, it works great and everything, however when I talk to a girl is it ok if I just have normal conversation with her, and add in a little cocky and funny here and there??
also will a girl STILL be interested if I do not use cocky and funny but my body language is good, as well as my confidence, and is it good enough to keep things going? (just curious..).

another question I have is do guys NEED to take women on dates? is it a rule of thumb that if you go out with a girl you must take her out, and if you dont take her out, but still have the right attitude and use all the things you teach, will she stay with you??

- H in NY

CONTINUED...

______________________

CARLOS:

Actually, you hit something on the mark there.

Most guys over-use and abuse the whole "cocky and funny" concept. They succeed in getting a little interest started, but they don't know how much of it to use, or for how long, or when to bring it back into the conversation, or why good-looking guys have to watch out for using it at all.

The short answer to your questions is "yes."

You should try and have REAL conversations whenever possible. Avoid this need to have to put on a performance to keep her interested.

A "real" conversation, by the way, is simply one that doesn't bore the sh*t out of her. (Which, for some guys, can be quite a chore.)

Just talk to her like a normal person, but keep it "spiced" up with occasional negging and teasing. Your goal is create a level of sexual tension between you that she will home in on like a moth to a flame.

As long as you can keep moving forward and eventually build some comfort, you'll do fine.

As far as "dating" goes, it is never recommended that you take her out to dinner on the first meeting. In fact, that's WAY overkill.

If you need to "bribe" a woman to be with you by buying her a meal, that's not the right way to start off your relationship. Whether she understands it or not, she'll react much more to having FUN than by having to handle a 3-4 hour high-pressure "date" situation.

Just focus on the EXPERIENCE she has, and she'll be into it. There is plenty of time for the mating behavior after you've got her interest.

For more on the proper attitude, I suggest you check into my Alpha Seduction program. It's got the concentrated details...

Once you get the right mind-set, the dating world suddenly seems like a different place to you.

If you'd like to know what you're really made of, I want you to consider this:

The Alpha Man also knows that self-development is the path to a better life. It all starts with getting educated.

Education leads to understanding. Understanding leads to better choices. Better choices lead to better results.

And results are ALL that matters when it comes to the game of women.

I can show you the way to better results with women, and it's all in my e-books and audio.

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I'll be back with more advice soon ...

- Carlos

The secrets of compelling communication and persuasion are easy to learn.

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