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CARLOS XUMA -
DATING ADVICE FOR MEN NEWSLETTER: |
The TRUTH About Dating and Attraction...
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Saturday, 4:45 PM: Carlos Xuma's Desk...
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CARLOS: Get rid of wingmen that don't help you fly...
I got this email from the guy I answered in my podcast last week. I think you should read it, because this is what I want you to watch out for when you get advice from other "gurus" out there.
- Do they listen to you?
- Do they give you a quality answer?
- Are they in it for the $ or for the help they provide to men?
I can only tell you where I stand on those issues, and this guy hit it right on the head:
QUESTION:
Hey Carlos -
WOW! I just listened to the podcast, I can't believe you devoted that much time to my question. It was actually the first time I listened to a podcast. You know what? You're absolutely right, I do ROCK (it means the world to me that you said that by the way, now I know how you feel when guys write to you and say similar things).
To be doing what I'm doing only after a month is absolutely something to be proud of, not be discouraged about. And it actually makes complete sense why I was discouraged, I didn't have a goal in mind when I went into the set.
There was a girl that I focused on but I just kept talking/hanging out rather than setting a goal of getting her number and then getting out or whatever other goal. I tried to do too much at once. The mistakes I'm making are absolutely vital to my growth. I am having so much fun with all of this, my attitude is 180 degrees from where it used to be. I have had some success since, 3rd base with a warm contact on the 2nd date, will probably go all the way next time. I was very content with 3rd base and played it perfectly with the push/pull because I know it will happen the next time we go out.
Also, you wanted to know about my buddy who got one of their numbers...you guessed it, she never called him back. I went out with him again last weekend and sure enough, I got� discouraged again. He knows about all this material (because I've tried to help him) but he will NEVER admit that he could use it himself. He has an excuse for everything. You're absolutely right, his attitude is contributing to bringing down my game. He sucks as a wingman. NEXT! doesn't apply only to women, he's out as my wingman. More learning from my mistakes, god I love this stuff.
I downloaded RSSRadio to listen as I currently don't have iTunes. However, I will download iTunes tomorrow so I can rate the podcast.
I ordered your DVDs this morning so I'm excited to start watching. Although I'd love to attend a seminar in person. I can't make the seminar in Montreal but if you ever have another one in San Fran, I could easily make it....
Dude, you kick ass. If you're ever in Denver, I'd love to go grab a beer with you.
What you said in the podcast means the world to me and is highly encouraging. Thanks again for your response.
Brian
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CARLOS:
I also want guys out there to realize from his previous field report that this reader was discouraged because it seemed his chump friend was getting "success" with the women he was having a tough time with.
Success is highly illusory. What passes for success is often just a lame attempt at saving face and doing what the rest of the flock is doing.
The key to his success is hidden in one sentence: "�I am having so much fun with all of this"
Without that attitude, you will not improve in this area - or any area for that matter. Success depends on your having FUN above all else.
Don't be one of the flock.
Lead the pack!
Be a REAL Alpha Man...
THE DVDs ARE HERE!
Did you hear?
The DVDs were just released last week! If you didn't get the original notice, you can get a look at the program here:
http://www.attractwomenprogram.com
CONTINUED...
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CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE...
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QUESTION: Tag Alongs...
Hey, i've ran into this awkward problem with getting dates. A lot of the time the girl wants to know "who else is coming" when I set up a date. I think I make it pretty clear when I ask her that its a date, not a social hang out. But they feel the need to ask anyway.
What's a good way to respond to this in a non-wussy way which gets my point across????
CARLOS:
If a woman is asking this question, she is obviously not getting the point that it's not a "get together." And if you are explaining it as a "date," there's a problem right there. First, you shouldn't have to explain it. Second, it should never have the appearance of a 'date.'
The problem is never at the problem. Meaning, the problem happened way before you got to the point of her asking who else is coming along.
Here are a few of the areas that need to be addressed:
1) Not enough attraction is being built with her.
2) Not enough trust/rapport is being built with her.
3) You're not taking the lead. You're getting into 'answering her questions' mode.
The first two are more than I can cover with you in this email. You need to read "The Dating Black Book" to learn the answers. I cover this specifically throughout the middle chapters covering the "Meet" and "Mate" stages of the dating continuum.
As for #3, you should be asking her questions right back:
"What do you mean 'who else is coming.' What do you mean?"
You need to find out why she's asking this. ESPECIALLY if it happens over and over.
Once you've found out why, fix it. And then ask her, "Why do you need someone else to come along? Are you afraid you won't be able to control yourself...?"
But #3 won't work for you until you find out where you're making an error in judgment about the whole "date" thing. Why not use the time you're with her to move things forward instead?
I don't mind showing you these things because I want you to understand what women are REALLY attracted to.
And that's REAL men.
And if you'd like to learn more about REAL Game and the successful attitudes of an Alpha Man, you should take a look at the program that will put you on the path - The Secrets of the Alpha Man.
http://www.alphaseduction.com
Just remember: Every man is self-made, but only the SUCCESSFUL admit it.
I'll be back with more advice soon ...
- Carlos Xuma
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QUESTION:
Carlos,
Your advice has been right on in the past. I am feeling a little pressure at the moment because my girlfriend is displaying some control tactics.
I know that if I just call her on her behaviors that this would slow down because I am aware that she is reaching out for boundaries and testing to see if I am an Alpha. Last night I feel that she got away with TOO MUCH. I won't be seeing her for a couple of days and I didn't want this to slide too long. My thoughts are to send the following letter pieced together from some of your newsletters. Any advice?
Jenny,
I almost called last night to chat about your chronic control freak thing and that you really are skating on thin ice with that one. Well, maybe a young thing or a rich older woman would hit the spot. Anyways, I think the PRINCESS ;) thinks that I am full of it. Maybe she IS testing me...
"OK, why don't we hook up in Vegas and get married, this way we'll know each other well enough for you to want to stop playing control games and relax.
Or, we could just keep enjoying ourselves with enthralling pleasures as you realize that dating doesn't have to be about power plays - but instead just having fun.
I personally like the Vegas idea..."
CARLOS:
This is too much.... It sounds like you�re taking her too seriously.
Sometimes the best thing you can do is to ignore her completely. When she plays her tactics, sometimes the best thing is to NOT try and put her in her place.
The key to this situation and handling it effectively is to NOT deal with it AFTER the fact. If she got away with too much before, you�re now in the danger zone. The reason you�re in this situation is because you didn�t nip this in the bud.
Instead of stomping your feet, just ignore her next call or two. Let her know that you�re still the prize, and she needs to work to keep you.
And consider that if she�s a control freak, or needs to test you too much, you�re in a high maintenance relationship.
Not good
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Consider the cost while you�re at it...
But if you MUST set things straight, do it in person. Don't send an email. This will set off her "chickenshit" radar. It will come across as weak and incongruous.
A REAL Alpha would just sit her down and set things straight. No anger. No ranting. Just a clear statement that this is unacceptable behavior.
I suggest you get the BIG picture of the Alpha Man attitude here:
Alpha Immersion Program.
QUESTION:
First I'll start by congratulating you for your work. Your analysis of dating dynamics is truly right.
Your paper allowed me to understand what I was doing right and what had to be improved...and it works.
Recently I met a girl who is really very sweet to me.
The problem is she already has two kids from two different dads and she's giving the impression to fall for me after she's left her latest boyfriend 60 days ago. She's 25 and stayed 5 years with her last boyfriend with whom she had that last kid. She's telling me that her boyfriend told her to move on and find somebody else and she's suspecting him to have a new girlfriend for who she seems jealous about (without openly mentioning it to me of course).
The thing is she's really playing it sweet with me so I can't tell if she's just looking for a replacement, if she's trying to make him jealous or if she really likes me. She comes from a wealthy family and has a job with relatively high responsibilities so I don't think she's got any particular social behaviour problems.
I like being with her because she doesn't live far from my place she's very sweet to me n shows it by taking good care of me. Is she not playing a dangerous game with her last boyfriend, isn't it a little too soon to begin a new relationship right after a long intense one. She just moved in the neighbourhood so maybe she is just looking for some sort of security whatsoever.
What's ur opinion, thx
FRED from Belgium.
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CONTINUED...
______________________
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CARLOS ANSWERS:
I see some red flags here, and I hope you do, too.
This woman has had 2 children from 2 different fathers with no apparent desire to get into a long-term relationship. She also seems to either have a highly elevated need to mother, or she's just unaware of this thing we call BIRTH CONTROL.
Hey, I'm not judging her, but let's call 'em like we see 'em, shall we? When you add this red flag to the next one, you've got a scary situation.
Her need to get into another relationship sounds like classic REBOUND behavior. She doesn't have the self-esteem to be alone, so she jumps from relationship to relationship to keep her insecurity at bay.
Look, some of the advisors out there are too weak to say this sort of thing, but I'm going to tell you what I think: Don't date her.
Find someone without all this baggage.
And please don't make your relationship choices based on proximity and opportunity. That shows me you're just taking what you can get.
Instead, CHOOSE the woman you want.
Don't date by default, guys. That's scarcity thinking.
The ALPHA MAN makes his opportunities.
- Carlos Xuma
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The secrets of compelling communication and persuasion are easy to learn.
Most guys don't approach women because they haven't got the SKILLS to APPROACH WOMEN. Once you have them, you'll feel less anxious and you'll actually DO IT.
It's time to learn the TRUTH about women ... and attraction.
It's all about your Inner Game...
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Discover your inner Alpha Man - NOW
Click HERE to learn more...
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Listen to what the other gurus are saying about Carlos' work...
"I've read every book and studied every system on dating. The problem with most 'gurus' in this field is that they're not teaching men how to build a solid foundation. Until you change your internal belief system and adopt an Alpha mindset, all the
tactics and techniques in the world aren't going to do you any good. (Actually, it's like learning just enough karate to get your ass kicked!) Carlos Xuma is the best there is at teaching men how to develop their 'inner game.' From
there, he'll give you the complete set of tools for approaching women, and life, with absolute confidence and skill. If you're in this game to win it, these are the rules you need to learn."
- "Supreme", M.A.C.K. Tactics co-creator
"Carlos Xuma is a man who has a clear passion for imparting the success with women he has experienced to other guys worldwide. He approaches his craft with immense integrity and a distinct style!"
- Scot McKay, X & Y Communications, DeserveWhatYouWant.com
"Carlos Xuma is the REAL DEAL! If you are serious about creating an extraordinary relationship. You will learn more about the needs and desires of women than they do themselves! I highly recommend
Carlos to any man who is ready to get the woman of his dreams. I love his game, its 100% real."
- The Dean, Dating4Men.com
"Carlos Xuma is one of those rare guys in the field who actually GETS what interacting with women is all about. His advice goes beyond the pick-up lines and approach techniques that so many guys use and fail with. Rather, Carlos gives guys everywhere practical,
valuable advice that will make men attractive not just for one night, but for many, many years. He lays down the foundation for becoming a NATURALLY attractive man, full of confidence and the ability to fully ENJOY being around hot babes.
Unlike other pickup artists, Carlos shares information that helps you not only in one area of life, but in many: in social relationships, at work, sports, with personal goals. He'll help make you a well-rounded, self-believing alpha MAN who's capable of just
about anything. And seducing gorgeous, high-quality women, is just the beginning."
- James Brito, How to Be Irresistible to Women
"Carlos Xuma is one of the few men in the 'seduction' or 'attraction' community who digs beneath the surface of passing attraction, and Explores what it is to be a man who attracts women by virtue of his character and, consequently, the natural outward expression of high character.
He brings words like 'discipline' and 'integrity' to the forefront, and waddya know, those are exactly the qualities women truly crave in a man."
- Grant Adams, CEO - net2bed.com
"Hey Carlos, I write about the biology of men and women's behavior. You seem to know the biology of behavior without knowing it. How do you do that? You have a deep intuition of dynamics - it took me 7 years of academic research to discover. And you find sharp ways to apply it practically... Keep up the good work, brother."
- Joe Quirk, Author of "Sperm are from Men, Eggs are from Women"
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