The TRUTH About Dating and Attraction...

Saturday, 4:35 PM: Carlos Xuma's Desk...

YES!

For those of you who have wondered why you haven't heard as much as you would have liked from the Carlos, I just wanted to update you on my activities.

The last 4-5 months has been ACTION PACKED.

(That's movie-speak for BUSY as HELL.)

WAY back in January I started planning for the Alpha Immersion seminar here in San Francisco, which rocked something awesome. (A field report leaked out on the Internet a while back, which I couldn't stop. I'll print it for you in the blog soon.)

After it was over, I decided that there was so much in that seminar that I could travel the world a hundred times and not reach all the guys that would need this information, so I got Geek.

That's right. I sat home with all the video we shot, and I created a DVD program out of it on my Mac computers in my studio in Marin County, California. (For you super-geeks out there, that's where George Lucas and his crew live and work. Wish I had HIS studio...)

I cut out all the unnecessary material (which wasn't a lot, but I had to trim it or we wouldn't be able to fit it on a dozen DVDs.)

I added a TON of new exercises.

I added a bunch of extra topics that I didn't get to cover in the seminar due to time constraints. Things like Change and Attitude...

I added a heap of bonus materials to make it EXTRA huge. In fact, it was so much at one point that my assistants and colleagues told me it should be split into two volumes. But I'm going to ignore that and give it to you in one huge program.

Well, it all took me months to complete, but it's finally done.

Last Friday, the masters were sent for replication, which means I'll be able to start taking advanced orders for this program in just a little while.

My advice: Whatever you do, you don't miss the next few newsletters...

QUESTION: CAN YOU GO TOO FAR?

Hey Carlos,

I wanted to ask your opinion on a situation I had the other day. I was talking to this girl that I met (I would say about a 9), and I had definite signs that she was interested judging by the way she talked, body language etc.. anyway, all through the conversation I had that whole confident cocky/funny attitude (which worked great for me with other girls).

So anyway, I was kinda joking around with her, busting her chops a little bit as they say... but then I made some comment about this scorpion tattoo she had on her shoulder, something about her not been as "cool" as she thought she was just because she had a tattoo, you know, in a totally playful manner.

But then something totally unexpected happened, all of a sudden she pulled this attitude on me out of nowhere and went something like "you know your arrogant approach isn't really going well with me... so i suggest you direct your immature b.s to someone who's willing to take it" (rough translation).

Wtf!?.. I've gotten to the point where I'm fairly confident to not be shaken up by something like that, so I just kida backed up a bit and gave her this look, like "what's up your ass lady?", after which I said that it was only a joke and I didn't mean to offend her (kinda said I was 'sorry' although I deliberately avoided using that word).

At that point I chose to end the conversation because the energy was pretty much gone...

Anyway, usually in cases such as these I wouldn't even bother thinking about this, I would just go "NEXT!" in my head and go on with my life.. which is what I did.. but in retrospect, in this particular case I feel that I might have stepped over the line a bit, and turned the whole cocky/funny approach to more of an arrogant/insulting one.. but I was so into it that I didn't really notice the subtle cues from the girl, that maybe I was overdoing it, until it was too late...

So basically what I'm saying is that I'm not sure if it really was her problem, or the problem was with me and I was just too much into that cocky/funny attitude to see it.

What do you think, Carlos?

Are there any general guidelines you could outline to avoid crossing the line between just being cocky and funny, and appearing arrogant and insulting?

Mind you this is the first time this has happened to me, but if it was a problem with my attitude, then I would like for it to be the last... I'm still relatively new to this, and am bound to make mistakes here and there until I get the hand of it better, so I wanna know if that was the case in here.

Thanks,
R

CONTINUED...

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CARLOS:

You need to go too far enough times that you get a feel for when you REALLY are being arrogant (not as bad an offense as being a wuss, by the way.)

Only when you push the envelope like this will you be able to calibrate to the social situations you run into. If every guy ran around in fear of pissing off women (uh... actually most DO), no guys would ever approach women.

This girl obviously needs an operation - one that can safely remove the stick from her ass.

Sudden, 180 degree changes in attitude are ABNORMAL.

Translation - ISSUES.

Translation - RUN FORREST! RUN!

A normal girl will not wig out like Hannibal Lecter on acid like this. If she goes from 0 to 60 with you and then suddenly pulls on the brake - CONGRATULATIONS! You just got out of the way of a PMS queen, or someone who was having a bad day. (I'm really trying to be nice here, too.)

If you want to be sure to avoid overdoing it, you risk running around in fear of a woman's anger. A bad place to be. Just make sure you're not being cruel with your teasing, and avoid teasing her about her appearance. Keep it FUN for both of you.

And if you should run into this kind of freak out episode, DO NOT react or backpedal too fast. Instead, get curious and ask her what it was that set her off. Chances are she misunderstood something.

Don't worry about crossing the line. It's not a criminal offense. It just means you get to find out if she's going to be uptight sooner or later.

I prefer sooner.

Then it's "Seeya... bye."

And remember one of the Alpha Man rules: When in doubt, it's HER problem. Not yours.

Remember, The Pendulum Principle is a part of my REAL Game method, which is based on the Secrets of the Alpha Man. If you don't already have it, you can get it here:
https://www.alphaconfidence.com

Remember, next week is the May Teleseminar! If you want to get in on this exclusive chance to talk shop with Carlos, get registered.

You'll see the link in the scrolling window of the Dating Dynamics web site:
/dating-advice.htm

QUESTION:

I had somewhat of an epiphany and I'm wondering if you could help clarify something.

Last week at a party I tried saying hi to this girl I had a thing for from a while ago. She kinda got weird and quickly looked away, ignoring me. I personally didn't care and thought if she's gonna be like that then fine, I'm not going to let it ruin my night.

I went around the party talking up different people, passed her a bunch of times without looking at her. Shortly after, she was staring at me, did things to get my attention, and even approached me. I was cool about it, keeping some witty banter going, but my question is this: It seems like I may be able to use this "oh, I didn't even see you" type thing to get some attention, particularly from warm contacts.

So, how do I take it from there in future interactions to the next level in building attraction because it seems after a certain point they have to try and approach you. This has happened about three times from three different girls in the last two weeks. I think I may be on to something here. Any thoughts?

CARLOS:

Hmmm... I don't mean to sound self-congratulatory, but this is one of the principles of being immersed in your own reality and carrying a strong frame that I discuss. (Yes, you'll be able to see it soon on the DVDs.)

This is TYPICAL female behavior. (And typical human behavior, too.) When we're snubbed or ignored by someone who appears to have High Social Value (HSV), we desire their attention and affiliation more than ever.

(Warning! There are a lot of 'gurus' out there that will tell you that High Social Value means being arrogant or a jerk in many ways. HSV is all about having HUMBLE Alpha Power.)

This was an evolutionary gambit that played out over millions of years, when humans understood that being in good graces with the Alpha was a good way to ensure your survival.

Who realized that concept better than women?

So of course she's going to be interested. After you demonstrated high social value in the party, she then realized that her ignoring you A) had no effect, B) could potentially backfire when she risked ostracizing herself from the social group.

The reason this worked for you was that you were blissfully ignorant of the technique (AKA: Natural) and were able to get the right mindset instead of trying to use a technique for the result. If you had been trying to do this to get her interested, it probably would have backfired on you.

Ignoring a woman is a powerful statement of your own personal power, as long as you do this from a frame of living in your own reality and acting from YOUR beliefs, instead of trying too hard to bend HER reality to suit you.

One is try-hard and low self-esteem manipulation. The other is self-centered (NOT a bad thing) and empowered.

Don't use something to "get" something. Do something from your natural identity and let the results just pour in. When you add the need to "get," you will find it will elude you.

So the lesson here isn't the results you get, but the mindset you achieve. THIS is what most guys miss on their path to glory with women.

I'm reminded of the story of the Teacher and his Student:

An old teacher once told his student to go out on a long road and find something special to bring back to him.

The student asked what it is he was looking for.

The teacher would not say.

And so the student went out on the road and searched for a year. He came back with a sack full of many fantastic things.

The teacher looked through it all and pulled out a leaf that had been mixed in with the precious artifacts. "Here it is," he said.

The student said, "That was it? I was supposed to find a leaf?"

The teacher smiled and said, "If I told you to find a leaf, would you have found this wonderful treasure?"

The student nodded and bowed to the teacher.

Now, I covered much of this topic in a previous Podcast, but I wanted to emphasize that holding on to the moment, or seeking an outcome roots us to some pretty weak results. But if we go in to discover the experience and learn along the way, we achieve much more.

We already know that the more you try to get a woman's attention, the more she'll shy away from it.

I distinctly remember trying to catch a gal's eye during a presentation in a college class, and I remember how she deliberately avoided connecting with my stare.

That was painful, my friends. I felt that gnawing pain right in the middle of my chest. Here was this gal I wanted and hit on all the time, and she had even 'seemed' interested in me, and she was ignoring me.

Looking back on it, I know exactly what went wrong. But that pain still reminds me to NEVER do that again...

I wanted to repeat the good vibe I had with her previously so bad that I completely messed it up for myself. I became a social beggar.

I also didn't have a plan.

It's tempting to wing it. It really is. Some guys think that they'll "Figure women out" when they get to a certain point, except that point never comes.

Wouldn't it be great if you could go into this weekend knowing that you could go anywhere and get hooked up with any woman you want?

You can get this kind of understanding RIGHT NOW. Head on over to /dating-advice.htm and get your dating life under YOUR control.

These emails give you "Players" advice, but you still need to understand the rules of the game.

CONTINUED...

______________________

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Just remember: Every man is self-made, but only the SUCCESSFUL admit it.

I'll be back with more advice soon ...

- Carlos Xuma

The secrets of compelling communication and persuasion are easy to learn.

Most guys don't approach women because they haven't got the SKILLS to APPROACH WOMEN. Once you have them, you'll feel less anxious and you'll actually DO IT.

It's time to learn the TRUTH about women ... and attraction.

It's all about your Inner Game...

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