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CARLOS XUMA -
DATING ADVICE FOR MEN NEWSLETTER: |
The TRUTH About Dating and Attraction...
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Friday, 8:20 PM: Carlos Xuma's Desk...
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QUESTION:
I was involved off and on with this girl from work (I know first mistake). About 6 months ago we were seeing a lot of each other and we were sort of in that whole girlfriend/boyfriend mode of spending a lot of time with each other. I had suspicions that she was also flirting/seeing someone else here at work and to make a long story short my suspicions were confirmed.
...Fast forward to today, the relationship with the other guy who used to work here has fizzled out and we've been emailing small talk with each other and sort of have plans to "catch up". Our branch manager (a woman) is good friends with this chic and she likes the idea of us getting together.
...I'm having second thoughts about getting involved with this girl again and this whole sitation is nagging at my psyche. I mean, she's a cute girl, independent etc... but I don't know if I've completely forgiven here for lying to me about seeing this other guy who used to work with us. On the other hand, I dont want to look like a childish little boy and not see her at all, just becuase my feelings were hurt.
...You have any opinions on this situation?
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CARLOS ANSWERS:
I don't consider it a mistake to date someone from work, contrary to popular belief.
But dating someone you suspect can't HANDLE a workplace romance IS a mistake.
I've dated (ahem) many women at the places I've worked. Once I even saw a girl at a place where there were only 5 of us. Talk about potentially combustible.
But I always knew, no matter what happened *I* could handle the fallout. If I couldn't, then my sorry butt had better not be jumping into an office romance, right?
(This is the concept of "self-control," gentlemen... Know thyself.)
Now in your situation you have every right, though, to have some concerns, but as long as she didn't treat this guy in a way that you would find disrespectful (or downright scary), you have nothing to lose by practicing with her.
Read my recommendations for him to handle this situation here:
http://tinyurl.com/pgw2o
And I'm also covering a question on how to handle it when your guy friends are dicks...
- Carlos Xuma
CONTINUED...
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CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE...
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QUESTION:
Hi Carlos,
Your newsletter is very informative, but I'd like to run a problem by you.
The advice given of not doing dinner on a 1st date is regularly given, but I get a problem with this when I suggest a drink or coffee meetup with a girl.
Simply put, from several women I get strong Indicators of Interest; both strong and repeated [indications of interest] over say four/five short conversations each lasting perhaps 5 minutes.
When I suggest a drink they look insulted or outraged and stalk off or go into a huff.
I am 40 years old, the women are between 20 and 22. Also I do have good looks. Is this combination of age difference and looks going to cause this? Is this combination going to force me to offer dinner or is there something I am missing?
Regrds
J
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CARLOS ANSWERS:
Honestly, I think they're looking at you as a meal ticket, Big Daddy. You're picking the cheap, superficial gold diggers that want you only for the free dinners.
You're not really missing out on anything, if you get what I mean.
A woman that will only want to be with you because you're feeding her is what I call a "meal whore." You can do far better, J.
And it's not your suggestion, it's the context you're putting it in.
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QUESTION - IS SHE PLAYING HARD TO GET WITH YOU?:
Carlos-
I was out dancing the other night, and started up a conversation with a cute girl... went very well... things got a little strange after I asked for her number.
She gave it to me, and said 'don't get all freaked out and think I'm a horrible person if I don't call back right away. You may have to call a couple of times before I get a chance to call you back since I am so busy".
Obviously, that's not what I wanted to hear. So, here's the question - my instincts tell me call once, and then if no call back let it go (I don't have to beg - plenty of fish in the sea)... what's your take?
Your program kicks major ass; provides an invaluable service to dudes to let them know it's not about pickup lines and 'outer game' only. Well worth every penny.
Keep up the great work - I look forward to every coaching session and podcast.
-Tom
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CONTINUED...
______________________
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CARLOS ANSWERS:
She was just trying to inoculate you against her flaky personality. Nice of her to try to keep your image of her pure and clean, but she's just playing a game.
Now, when you say "that's not what I wanted to hear," I'd be willing to bet that it LOOKED like that to her at that moment, too. That's going to let her know right off that you're easily jerked around by disappointment, which also tells her that you're probably lacking self-confidence at the game.
Your response should be something teasing to her for every insecure little tic and test she throws at you.
Read my recommendations for how to handle it when a woman flakes in advance:
http://tinyurl.com/pgw2o
I also tell you about whether you should answer every phone call from a woman...
Get the newsletter here: http://tinyurl.com/pgw2o
- Carlos Xuma
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The secrets of compelling communication and persuasion are easy to learn.
Most guys don't approach women because they haven't got the SKILLS to APPROACH WOMEN. Once you have them, you'll feel less anxious and you'll actually DO IT.
It's time to learn the TRUTH about women ... and attraction.
It's all about your Inner Game...
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Discover your inner Alpha Man - NOW
Click HERE to learn more...
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Listen to what the other gurus are saying about Carlos' work...
"I've read every book and studied every system on dating. The problem with most 'gurus' in this field is that they're not teaching men how to build a solid foundation. Until you change your internal belief system and adopt an Alpha mindset, all the
tactics and techniques in the world aren't going to do you any good. (Actually, it's like learning just enough karate to get your ass kicked!) Carlos Xuma is the best there is at teaching men how to develop their 'inner game.' From
there, he'll give you the complete set of tools for approaching women, and life, with absolute confidence and skill. If you're in this game to win it, these are the rules you need to learn."
- "Supreme", M.A.C.K. Tactics co-creator
"Carlos Xuma is a man who has a clear passion for imparting the success with women he has experienced to other guys worldwide. He approaches his craft with immense integrity and a distinct style!"
- Scot McKay, X & Y Communications, DeserveWhatYouWant.com
"Carlos Xuma is the REAL DEAL! If you are serious about creating an extraordinary relationship. You will learn more about the needs and desires of women than they do themselves! I highly recommend
Carlos to any man who is ready to get the woman of his dreams. I love his game, its 100% real."
- The Dean, Dating4Men.com
"Carlos Xuma is one of those rare guys in the field who actually GETS what interacting with women is all about. His advice goes beyond the pick-up lines and approach techniques that so many guys use and fail with. Rather, Carlos gives guys everywhere practical,
valuable advice that will make men attractive not just for one night, but for many, many years. He lays down the foundation for becoming a NATURALLY attractive man, full of confidence and the ability to fully ENJOY being around hot babes.
Unlike other pickup artists, Carlos shares information that helps you not only in one area of life, but in many: in social relationships, at work, sports, with personal goals. He'll help make you a well-rounded, self-believing alpha MAN who's capable of just
about anything. And seducing gorgeous, high-quality women, is just the beginning."
- James Brito, How to Be Irresistible to Women
"Carlos Xuma is one of the few men in the 'seduction' or 'attraction' community who digs beneath the surface of passing attraction, and Explores what it is to be a man who attracts women by virtue of his character and, consequently, the natural outward expression of high character.
He brings words like 'discipline' and 'integrity' to the forefront, and waddya know, those are exactly the qualities women truly crave in a man."
- Grant Adams, CEO - net2bed.com
"Hey Carlos, I write about the biology of men and women's behavior. You seem to know the biology of behavior without knowing it. How do you do that? You have a deep intuition of dynamics - it took me 7 years of academic research to discover. And you find sharp ways to apply it practically... Keep up the good work, brother."
- Joe Quirk, Author of "Sperm are from Men, Eggs are from Women"
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