The TRUTH About Dating and Attraction...

Tuesday, 03:30 PM: Carlos Xuma's Desk...

Don't forget that Session 10 of the Audio Coaching will be coming out a little later than usual, so you have extra time to catch Sessions 8 and 9. We'll have the next session ready for you in just a day or two ...

This is a huge special edition newsletter... This week's questions are jammed with great information.

Pay attention to this first one, because there's a ton of great information in here for you to use. Lots of examples of teasing...

QUESTION:

What up C!

I just got a girl's email address using your tease to please approach from the "off the street" section!

Here's how it went: I went up to her and said, "How many feet have you crushed with those heels?" She said "None. I just got them today." I said, "Well, don't try me, I've got on steel toes."

Then I went into the part about my sister liking shoes like that, and asked where she got them, then used the old lady tease, which she said "Old lady??". I told her I was just pulling her chain.

Then I used the name test. I shook her hand and told her my name, and then asked her "Bobbie, what do you think about men that have the guts to approach you and say hi?" She said it takes guts, and she was impressed.

This was in a book store, but I used the "off the street tease, as I have been rehearsing this one and getting used to it. I then said "Good to meet you" and started to walk away.

I then turned back and said, "You know, we might want to continue this sometime. Write down your email for me." She said ok, and I gave her pen and paper. As she wrote it, I said "Write down your number too." She said, "Let's just start with email." I then gave her the joke about I'll only call and leave a dozen messages so she'll feel popular. She laughed, but didn't write the number down.

So, I am a regular customer of yours, and I plan to continue to be your customer. Dude, please give me some good help on this one.

This girl was very hot, and very much my type. I need an email I can send her that will give me a great chance of hearing back from her, and how long I should wait to send it to her. If you can give me the exact text of the email you would send her, that would help me out tremendously.

I don't want to blow this one. And if you can help me move towards getting her number and that first meeting.

Thanks C!

Keep up the great work!

CARLOS:

First off, excellent application of the information. You're actually getting it with the approach. This was a textbook example of how ANY man can get a woman's email or phone number in just a few minutes of talking to her. You used the tease-to-please in the right quantity, and you got RESULTS.

You should give yourself a high-five to reinforce the success. (And then D.O.W.! :)

You guys know that I emphasize this pretty strongly here - If you do the work - USE these techniques, you WILL get results. Most people are looking for reasons why things WON'T work rather than why they WILL, and then wonder why they aren't successful. That's Bass Ackwards.

Just a thought as to why she didn't give you a phone number, I suspect she liked your approach, but she was suspicious of the intensity with which you may have gone after her.

You did pretty much everything right, so there's no reason to kick yourself at all. She could just be very wary of guys having her phone number, and I guarantee you she gets a million requests for it.

(The good news is that she must have interest or she would have just given you a bogus number. It's actually a GOOD sign that she refused to give it to you.)

Your next step is to email her something casual and do NOT ask for a date, or even make your romantic interests known. You don't want to come on too strong.

Say something like, "Hey there, bookworm, it's your new friend, D. Just thought I'd drop you a quick note before I left for the night... I've had to re-think that gift for my sister, so your boots won't work. But I've got other ideas."

Mention something about wanting to know what book she was reading, or a question that she will simply HAVE to respond to. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to create INTRIGUE. MYSTERY. Give her a reason to want to know more about you.

Then finish with: "Now that you have my email, you better not put me on a million email chain letters where I get the 'chicken soup for my soul' every day. :)"

Don't ask for anything in your email, like her number or a date. This contact is just to show you're out there, and not needy. Your next email, however, after you get a response, is to use the standard reply I gave you for online emails. (We cover these in the Audio Coaching Sessions.) This should give her just the incentive she needs to respond with her phone number for you.

But I will caution you here: Your words are giving you away - Already you're making this girl too important to you and you don't know ANYTHING about her.

Step back for a minute and remember that she could have a hundred crazy traits that would drive you nuts.

Chances are she is NOT your type - other than physically. MOST women are NOT your type (and the reverse is also true.) So don't overestimate your compatibility based on your initial attraction. Your assumption that she's your type is based on fantasy, not reality. No matter how good she looks on the outside.

Keep perspective. Keep getting numbers, because if for some reason this gal blows you off, you're going to feel stung by rejection. That sting will be greatly lessened if you take a second and keep your head about you.

You're saying: "I don't want to blow this one," but that desire is the very thing that makes you do the wrong things. It's better to start with: "I don't care if I blow it" first.

It is SO easy for guys to obsess over a gal (and women are guilty of this, too) and build up this fantasy image of someone you have NO knowledge of. Then you go nuts when they don't react the way you expect or want.

Take a more Zen-like approach - remove your expectations from the situation. There's a lot of truth in the saying that the more you want something, the more it eludes you...

CONTINUED...

CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE...

QUESTION

Hope all is well. Thank you so much for your previous answers, everything turned out great with your tips.

Here's a new one:

I was engaged into a conversation with a girl at a house party the other day. All of a sudden another guy (she might have talked to earlier or a friend) inserted himself into the conversation trying to grab the girl's attention. She became insecure and the whole thing turned into an average boring small talk conversation. I excused myself and went to another room. A few minutes later the girl showed up and we resumed talking. I felt this situation could habe been handled better.

Master of the Universe, what would you have done?

CARLOS:

Master of the Universe? Okay, now you're just kissing my butt, dude. But that's okay... hey, you missed a spot... :)

Honestly, what would I have done? Not much different than you did. If what you did worked, don't overanalyze it.

The only thing you could try in the future is to talk to this guy and welcome him into the conversation, and then defuse him as a threat by talking to him. After a minute or two, excusing the two of you (you and the girl) to go somewhere a little more private. "Nice talking to you, Fred, but Marie and I were just going out on the balcony to talk in private." If he follows you like a lost puppy, you say, nicely, "Gee, Fred, looks like we need to get you hooked up with one of the gals here at the party so you don't have to follow us around. Anyone spark your interest?"

Call him on it and demonstrate total confidence that this girl is yours. Do it with a smile and a wink rather than a grunt and a scowl. Don�t get territorial or angry, but show her that you are going after what you know you want. She'll appreciate the take-charge attitude.

Again, if she ended up talking to you (and you did get her number, right?), that's all you need to do. If you leave confidently, she will follow and find you, as she did.

Good job...

QUESTION

My girlfriend and i was doing well untill we moved in together.she says that we should just be friends now cause shes stressed out and every time i try to talk to her about it she says im pressuring her.she acts like were together but without the affection . she says lets see what happens about getting back together.at first she said she guarantees we will get back together but then i tried to talk to her about it and she changed her story. dont know what to do.looking forward to your advice thank you.

CARLOS:

Well, once again, I have to tell you that this is DATING Dynamics, not RELATIONSHIP dynamics. But here's the truth, guy, and I hope you're ready for it, 'cause it's gonna sting a little.

I can read between the lines of situations like this and give a damn good guess at what's going on...

1) Yes, dude, you ARE pressuring her. You're getting clingy and needy now that she's lost her interest, since you probably stopped giving it real effort now that you've wrapped this gal up.

Sorry to tell you that it actually takes MORE effort to keep things working after you've progressed to this stage. People (mostly guys) seem to be under the misguided notion that once things go long-term, you're in for good. Now that you're established and comfortable, there's no more effort needed, right?

NOTHING could be further from the truth.

2) She's too familiar with you. She's feeling the pressing neediness and closeness that living with the person you are boffing creates. It's hard to sustain any excitement when you see a person every day, every night, every day, every night, every day, every ... you get the picture.

Living with someone is only for a very advanced, devoted relationship, and frankly it doesn't sound like you guys are ready for it. There's a saying - Familiarity breeds contempt. Ever wonder why? There's no mystery left for her to discover about you. And, if you're entrenched in habits and the day-to-day, you need to start working on creating NEW mystery for her discover. This is the growth that fuels relationships for the long haul.

You've probably stopped behaving in ways that she initially found attractive. You've probably given up a lot of your private hobbies and passions to focus all on HER. (And she probably didn't even ask you to, either, did she?)

And, don't tell me, I'll bet everything has become "routine" between you two.

No romance for her, or flowers, or the stuff you did when you were wooing her.

Keeping a relationship working on this level takes a LOT of dedication and effort. You have to fight familiarity every single day of the week, and you have to make sure you're not falling into the trap of identifying with the relationship more than you are with yourself.

Meaning, you still need to be separate people. Don't look to her to fill in your areas of inadequacy. You're still two separate, independent entities.

I know this may sound like I'm coming down rather gloomily on LTRs (Long Term Relationships) but the honest-to-gosh truth is that most people don't have what it takes to make them work. They're fantastic when they do, but it's rare. Most end up ... well, ENDing.

**BUT**, how else do you learn how to have one than by having a few LTRs that fail? It's kind of a wicked conundrum, but it's necessary. This is the school that can ONLY teach you through your own failure, friends.

Making relationships work is only possible by finding out how they DON'T work. (Remember, most of your relationships do NOT work out. That doesn't mean you stop trying, though. Only that you need to pay attention and learn from your mistakes.)

The real problem arises, however, when you don't know when to END the relationship that's taught you all you can learn. There are some situations where you must cut your losses and walk away.

This lesson is over for you, grasshopper. You must now take the path to enlightenment with the next woman. If you keep this sorry state of affairs up, in a couple weeks, the next thing you'll hear out of her mouth is: "I need some space."

And then you'll say, "But WHY? I'll do WHATEVER YOU WANT!" And then she might even cheat on you to make your misery all complete. Your only hope is to beat her to the punch and give her space NOW. She's already told you that, trying as best as she could not to hurt your feelings.

Don't try and reconcile. Don't lose your mind in an insane attempt to fix this relationship. (Because it can consume your very soul, my friend.) You'll get obsessed, but it will pass. If you latch onto that obsession and start acting on it, telling yourself that you can MAKE THIS WORK, you'll end any and all hope of reconciliation.

Just end this and walk away with your lesson. ONLY by taking this necessary step do you:

A) Learn what it is you and she did wrong
B) See things for what they were with the perspective distance gives you
C) Stand a chance of seeing the error in your ways and change it so that you do stand a chance with her in the future.

But if you want to try to salvage something of this situation, I suggest you lean WAY back and lay off the heavy talk. Let the girl breathe. Then start acting the way you were when you two first got together. The reason she isn't giving you affection is because you're not giving her the excitement you once did. If you've got the discipline, this is the route to go.

I don't typically like to advise people to either breakup or stay together, because ultimately they don't listen to advice anyway, and ONLY YOU can know your situation well enough to make that call.

But there are some situations where the warning signs are there, loud and clear, and only a neutral observer can give you perspective that you lack. I suggest you talk to a good friend (female) who sees what's going on and can give you the Truth.

And review the section on the Scarcity mentality from the e-books!

Download it here: /ebookstore.htm

All your lady really wants in the end is a man who is confident in himself. Confidence is communicated when you do not cling to any one woman, because that tells her right away that you think she's the only one you could get.

(Which does NOT communicate: "You're so special I can't imagine losing you." You may THINK that's the way you feel, but you may actually be hearing your insecurity rather than your genuine desire talking. Your insecurity is probably saying: "I'm more afraid of losing you than whether or not we're right for each other." Figure out which way you feel.)

Women everywhere are looking for men. Real men.

You don't have to grunt and squirt testosterone to be a man, but you've got to start somewhere. Hell, man, go rebuild an engine. Go climb a mountain. Reclaim your lost gender identity and pride.

Yeah, rejection sucks.

It's always a risk for a guy to put himself out there like that, letting a woman appraise you and decide yes or no ... Or when she tells you she needs space...

With a little understanding, you can improve your confidence going into situations like this, and that specter of rejection will leave you alone. It ALWAYS loses its sting the more you face it and put it into proper perspective. Abso-freakin-lutely, guaranteed.

Which leads me to this: You know that women are getting more and more picky about men, and they can sniff out inferior guys with just a whiff of your confidence. And to stand out you MUST have the edge on the other guys out there. You need to be a REAL MAN, not this sissie-fied cartoon man that the media sells you.

My e-book gives you the information and skills to get the women YOU want. Not SETTLE FOR.

There are so many things you have to have down pat in the singles world.

Like, how do you NOT screw it up in those vital first couple minutes of meeting a woman?

You've heard me say this before: Getting laid is not about getting "lucky."

CONTINUED...

______________________

It's about having the right knowledge and understanding up front. Women are actually WAITING for men to date and sleep with, if you'll just give them the right reasons WHY they should be with YOU. It's deliberate and on-purpose, not subject to the whims of chance and fate.

BE the kind of man they are waiting for. That's all they ask of you.

I've worked for years to break down what it is that women are trying to tell you with their behavior, and finding out the hard way why being a "nice guy" is dooming you to failure.

You need this knowledge and understanding.

When you have that knowledge, you can make better choices and demonstrate better behaviors.

When you demonstrate better behavior, you will get better RESULTS.

My e-book -THE DATING BLACK BOOK- will help you get all of that ... and then some.

Just remember: Every man is self-made, but only the SUCCESSFUL admit it.

Where do you go for the information you need?

THE DATING BLACK BOOK has the complete breakdown of the dating scene, and it's ready for download right now, no matter where you are or what time it is in the world.
/ebookstore.htm

And the advanced audio series is also finally ready to help you build on that knowledge and take your success to the extreme. Imagine having a coach giving you tips, strategies, and a complete breakdown on how to improve your technique and success with women - first hand.

You can listen to this audio RIGHT NOW on your PC or Mac, and you can even use your MP3 player to take the learning and go mobile. Put it on your i-pod!

The monthly audio series is over 100 minutes of advice and explosive tips, and it's available for download at:
/audioprog.htm

You see, the first 30-60 days of any dating relationship with a woman is THE most volatile, since almost ALL the mistakes are made here. If you last past this point, chances are you'll be able to keep her for as long as you like.

I remember when I figured out what these mistakes were - and how to fix them. And how excited I was. I stayed up that night writing out how I'd use the knowledge to improve my dating life. It wasn't until years later that I got around to writing the book on it, but I finally did it.

And now you can download all these priceless strategies right now at: /ebookstore.htm

Is there ANYTHING else worth learning more than how to be successful with women?

If there is, you should let me know... because your priorities may be a little whacked.

-Carlos

The secrets of compelling communication and persuasion are easy to learn.

Most guys don't approach women because they haven't got the SKILLS to APPROACH WOMEN. Once you have them, you'll feel less anxious and you'll actually DO IT.

It's time to learn the TRUTH about women ... and attraction.

It's all about your Inner Game...

Discover your inner Alpha Man - NOW

Click HERE to learn more...