The TRUTH About Dating and Attraction...

Friday, 4:30 PM: Carlos Xuma's Desk...

WHO'S GONNA PAY?

QUESTION:

Hey Carlos,

Thanks for the great info. Your ebook and newsletters have definitely helped increase my success, though I still have a way to go to get where I want to be.

I have a question about an issue that bugs me quite a bit--money.

I know you suggest keeping dates on the inexpensive side, and I think that's great advice, especially when you hardly know the other person. I feel like it's puts a lot of pressure on me to decide if I like a person QUICKLY, when I'm the one paying for everything.

Hopefully you can help with your perspective on this situation:

I know a girl from a club I normally go to, and we have flirted quite a bit. One night, she asked if I wanted to go to a different club together about a week later, for a special party they were having there. I said that might be interesting. I like this woman and find her attractive and fun to talk to, but wasn't sure if I wanted to get too involved with her.

I figured that if SHE was asking ME, then she should expect to pay at least HER ticket. Maybe this is wrong, but it seems fair to me, especially since I'm not necessarily looking for anything more than friendship with her.

She asked me to buy the tickets (prepay over the net) and told me she would pay me back that night. I said fine, and when we got to the club, she mentioned something about owing me the money, but she had no change, that she had to go to the bar. When she went to the bar, she got a drink, but did not offer me my money for her ticket. I let it slide, thinking maybe there would be a time later for her to pay me back.

After leaving the club, we stopped at a street stand to get some food, and I suggested she could pick up the tab, since I had gotten the tickets. (The food cost a lot less, anyway.) At that point, she informed me that "Men pay for me. I don't pay for them." This comment left a bitter taste in my mouth.

Despite that, after some interesting conversation, we made out later, she thoroughly enjoyed it, and she basically told me straight out that she wanted to sleep with me. I told her I was tired, and she said that was fine, some other night.

She called me the next day and left a message, saying she wanted to get together with me that same night. A few days later she called me again. I haven't answered or returned her calls.

I'll admit, if she were super-hot, I would probably call her back, despite her comment, but since I'm only mildly interested, that comment has tipped the scales against her.

I'm just wondering, am I wrong to expect a women to pay her own way?

Did I need to insist on getting her to pay me back? (I didn't feel like making a scene about it, and I thought I had given her enough of a hint.)

Is it best to clarify the terms CLEARLY before going out? (I feel like this REALLY makes me look overly concerned about money, and it seems like an awkward thing to talk about.)

Any advice would be appreciated.

F in California

CARLOS TELLS YOU WHO'S GOING TO PAY EVENTUALLY:

Well, it sounds great from where I'm sitting. You've gotten to the point where YOU are the one turning down the booty.

Now THAT's empowering, isn't it?

Don't just shrug at this; it's a big deal. You overcame a big part of the barriers that inhibit most men from getting the success they want.

And, you might notice that this woman that you "weren't sure about" was probably responding quite a bit to your take-it-or-leave-it attitude.

Now, keep in mind that women still expect men to provide and pay for them. This is just a fact of life.

Rain is wet.

Dogs bark.

And chicks expect men to pay.

If you don't, she'll think you�re cheap. Or she assumes you don't want her.

It's messed up. But you still have to deal with it.

I suggest:

1) Get my current interview with Diane. We cover the "who pays" thing, and I think you'll like her perspective.

2) Make sure that the first thing you do is set the expectation in advance on these "friend" dates. It obviously wasn't just a friend thing if you got some tongue later, though.

3) The next time a friend says she's going out with you like this, and she tells you that she "doesn't pay for men," you bust her back down to size with: "And I don't pay for sex, either. I'd never want to turn a woman into a prostitute like that."

Or, if you're feeling a little less ornery, you might say something like, "If I pay, what do I get in return?"

The reality is this: If the expectation was for friends only, you'd be justified in expecting her to own up for her share. But when it got more than friendly (and geez, dude, she did offer you a piece of tail) you just have to suck it up and pay.

This is why I tell you not to do things that cost too much money with her on the first "night out." Keep it low-key and fun, but don�t break the bank.

The fact of life is that men are STILL expected to pay. It�s not fair, but you don�t want to wax your pubes, either, so count your blessings. I still think guys have it better.

:)

I actually work on my game so that by the end of the meal, after I've made out with her at the table, she's asking to pay for the meal. THAT is the goal I go for now.

I just did it on Friday night with the gal I was out with.

You can, too...

CONTINUED...

CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE...

QUESTION:

I have 2 questions to ask you. since I have been getting your advice things have been great.

20 minutes ago I visited some lady I met ... this was our second meeting at her house. later on I got the " I just want to be friends with you" saying! But I wasnt attached or disappointed and for the first time I realised my heart isnt broken with the outcome I am just relaxed like nothing happend..

First of all I know I was too predictable with the chick, and hesitated for a while to go for the 'kiss" that's when I got rejected! and she gave me that saying.. "Can I call you again and wil you visit me next time" which was crap.

First Question! What do I do when she calls me maybe tommorow or any day.. how should I respond to her.. should I keep flirting and be funny or try to avoid her at many times.. ?

Second Question! Is there a way of getting it on with this chick again.. becouse I feel like I wasn't comfortable with her during the visit and she usually told me she always gets what she wants... so I believe I wasnt that much challenging to her.. How do I get the Power and start attraction on this girl..? all in one..

How do I become the Alpha male candidate to her?

Help!

-P

CARLOS HAS SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT SECOND CHANCES:

Something that most guys need to believe, and this will help their game so much if they really BELIEVED it, is that second chances just don't happen ... not with the same girl.

There is always a second chance for YOU, but it's is to work your magic on a NEW woman, not the same one. You don't get a second chance once you've blown it there.

You have to be willing to give up on women as quickly as you become infatuated with them. You know you did something wrong, but you want to go back and fix it.

Even men don't have the power to turn back time... yet.

You need to START by being the Alpha Man. Not by trying to spin your Attitude around 180 degrees after you fumbled. She's already sniffed the reality, and that's why she's going for the "just friends" routine.

You have two approaches if you want to get with this girl, and that is to either be direct or indirect.

Most guys don't have the confidence to walk up to a woman and carry off the direct game.

And that's fine. This is something you can work up to with your indirect game.

Indirect is when you're less obvious that you're hitting on a woman, coming in from an angle instead of head-on.

No matter what method you're using, you shouldn't be "trying" to be or do anything. It should all be a natural course of your actions. Don't "avoid" her... just be out doing something else instead.

Frankly, if you're home, and you answer the phone all the time, and you're too available, and she senses this, and she moves on or tells you she wants to be friends...

Well, you get what you deserve.

On the other hand, if you go out, and do things, and aren't around for her every phone call, and she can't get hold of you, and her emotions start drawing her inexplicably to you because of your lack of availability, and she wants you more...

Well, you get what you deserve there, too.

You shouldn't be "trying" to do this. you should be living the lifestyle that you want, and let the chips fall where they may.

Do you sense the difference there?

You see, I outline a bunch of these natural outcomes in my e-book, and how certain principles work to raise a woman's attraction and interest for you. But guys inevitably interpret this to mean they should be FORCING these outcomes by purposefully not answering the phone, or lying to make her think he's more in demand than he is.

Depending on your current social situation, you just may have to do a few of them on purpose... at first.

But the best way is to make your lifestyle match your desired outcome.

Think about that for a second.

Here's a suggestion, too:

Let's suppose you don't have much going on romantically, but you know that once you build up the momentum and get yourself on the right track, you'll want to be very socially active with women.

Right now, you're pretty dry for female company, but you've got one on the line. She says she's going to call you.

So instead of hearing the telephone ring... and then running into the kitchen to see what number pops up on the Caller ID, and then rubbing your hands with glee when you see it's her and she leaves her lame message, and you plot when to call her back to have JUST THE RIGHT EFFECT ...

Why not just turn off your phone for a while?

Why not just go out and BE BUSY for a while?

If she calls, she calls. If she doesn't, she doesn't. It won't kill you.

I think that's the better alternative, don't you?

You're too late with this one. When she has already TOLD you that she wants to be just friends, you should really write it off to your mistake in handling it, learn from it, and get back out there and meet someone new. When she's gone so far as to say this out loud, you're sunk.

You hesitated, you waited too long ...

And, as you say, you know what you did.

Now let it go and get back in the game. Football players take about 1 second to stomp their feet after a failed play, and then they get right back in the huddle.

While you're reading this, I've got a few more questions:

Why hang around waiting just hoping you'll be picked?

Why not be the one DOING the picking?

Why not learn how to CREATE attraction instead of accumulating hours on her timecard?

The reality is that there are a few definite skills that you need to develop to win over the hot women you see every day. Not a ton of tricks, or magic hypnosis phrases, just a few core skills.

They're not complicated, either.

I cover this and many other topics in my e-books and audio. If you're reading this and thinking that you'd like to learn more about how the REAL players get the women, you can download the information right away.

If you want to get that kind of understanding and control over your love life, you need to read my e-book. And you can get the benefits of my best e-books, RISK FREE for the next 90 days.

Get my books, the audio, read them and hear me explain the strategies, and then put it to work for you right away.

I wrote them in a simple, easy-to-use format that ANYONE can learn. Nothing is complicated, and there's no dumb hypnosis routines to learn. Just the stuff that will help YOU get more success with women.

THE DATING BLACK BOOK - This e-book set covers the dating scene, from meeting women, to your best attitude, to strategies, to how to touch women, to driving up their attraction, to dumping them when you need to move on. Looking for a woman? This book shows you the BIG picture.

Put this link in your browser to download it (you may have to put www. in front of it): datingdynamics.com

SECRETS OF THE ALPHA MAN - This e-book and CD coaching covers your inner game, from meeting women, to cultivating complete confidence, to life and success strategies, to understanding what the winners and Alpha Men in life have that you can have, too. Looking for a better lifestyle and inner confidence, as well as more women? This book shows you a map to a more successful LIFE.

Put this link in your browser to see all the great stuff in this set (you may have to put www. in front of it): alphaseduction.com

ADVANCED AUDIO COACHING - And if you're like most guys that love to hear advice and audible examples of things to learn by, and you want new and fresh tips every single month, The ADVANCED AUDIO COACHING is something for you to get.

CONTINUED...

______________________

Each month we go into loads of detail about every aspect of dating and seduction. From what to say to what to wear, to what to cook, to what to do when it's time to close the deal. Every session is over 100 minutes of top-quality digital audio that you can download and listen to right away. No waiting for a CD to ship!

Put this link in your browser to check it out (you may have to put "w w w" in front of it): datingdynamics.com/audioprog.htm

There are dozens of guys out there trying to pull in a fast buck selling you their books on fast seduction and the like. And some of them are decent quality books. But a LOT of them are just a waste of time. I think you guys can tell I'm not pulling your leg here.

I'm in this to help you, educating men to do better in their lives in the one thing that has eluded us for thousands of years - SUCCESS WITH WOMEN.

Is there ANYTHING more important?

Remember life is too short, and death is too long.

Don't wait until your heart is broken before you take steps to learn how this game is played.

Get the information on how to improve your dating life TODAY. Make the changes you need to make to get the love, bedroom action, and relationships that you want and DESERVE to have.

I'll be back with more advice soon ...

This is the year for you to get successful with women!

- Carlos

To read all the reviews and download the books and audio, go here:

alphaseduction.com
datingdynamics.com
seductionmethod.com

The secrets of compelling communication and persuasion are easy to learn.

Most guys don't approach women because they haven't got the SKILLS to APPROACH WOMEN. Once you have them, you'll feel less anxious and you'll actually DO IT.

It's time to learn the TRUTH about women ... and attraction.

It's all about your Inner Game...

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