The TRUTH About Dating and Attraction...

Friday, 7:30 AM: Carlos Xuma's Desk...

QUESTION: MAKING IT FUN...

After the teleseminar I asked you via email "How do you make cold approaching fun?"

Also, I'm going over the Approach Program again and on the first part of CD #1 you stated that cold approaches are one of the most intimidating things a guy can do and at the end of CD #1 you stated you need to make this fun or you'll burn out.........Just curious?......How do you make something intimidating fun?

I'm a level 3 approacher.

Cute girl in the elevator......No problem. I got her name and rapport during the 20 seconds I had. Next time we ran into eachother in the elevator she was happy to see me and I continued....unfortunatley all I had was another 20 seconds.

Girl at the front desk at the gym............No problem.

Hot girl at the Tony Robbins seminar....No problem.

Bar/Club......I don't like it. It's like two armies ie(men vs women) getting ready for war. The last time out I did 8 approaches and all sucked. Something about these places gives women ADD. I've had success too, but am I having fun? No. Seeing an attractive girl across the store and approaching her. Will I do it? Yes. Is it fun?

No. Same for a coffee shop or Happy Hour.

Like many of your clients I'm looking for that solid girlfriend, but I personally do NOT know anyone who's in a relationship that came about from a cold approach. I've become friends w/ a very attractive MARRIED woman who I made out with in a Nightclub. I did everything right and it was a cold approach. After we got done dancing she ambushed me w/ a kiss to the lips which led to the makeout, so that was a confidence booster for sure.

We were both there for a mutual friend's B-day and I believe she regretted her behavior. Kinda like let's just forget about this ever happening. But who know's? I'm attending the happy hour that she organized and she set the date to fit my schedule. I will not pursue her though, but she's really hot and I'm hoping she has some hot friends she could introduce me too.

Anyway, I know you have a lot going on, but if you happen to have anything to share on my ?'s then that would be great.

Thx,

- A

CARLOS:

A lot of this is subjective. No one can be sure what you find personally "fun," but you should look in yourself and find ways to make it more relaxed for you to do. If all you have is anxiety, you have to lower yourself to the place where you don't have anxiety and start there. Don't start with an already anxious and dreaded activity. You have to begin where you still feel some comfort, and then build on that.

For clubs, it might make more sense for you to go there and deliberately NOT approach women. Talk to guys. Make friends with the staff and bartenders. Make the location feel comfortable first.

Here's an example of making it fun: Let's say you can barely make eye contact without feeling weird...

Put pennies in your right pocket. As you walk down the street, transfer one from the right to the left for each girl you make eye contact with, or smile at.

Whatever game you can make of it, all the better. I'm sure you can find a way to make it fun if you put your mind to work on HOW, rather than why NOT.

But just remember, YOU have to make the fun. If you constantly undermine your own state with negative feelings about the approach, nothing will ever seem fun to you.

The real question here is do you have the skill to make ANY event in your life fun? THAT is a much more valuable skill than trying to chase fun around, hoping that your nervous system plays the game with you.

Learn how to make any event 'fun' and you'll enjoy your own life a whole lot more.

Remember, guys, we're building life skills here that will roll with you for the rest of your time on this planet. Whatever applies to women, applies to your life.

And by the way, I know PLENTY of people that got together and got married from cold pickup situations. It is real.

Why not make that an opener for you in the bars? "Hey, ladies, have any of you or your friends had a long term relationship with a guy you met in a bar/club?" Make it a FUN study experiment. Then build on it.

And if you're reading this right now and want to know how to get your Approach started right, take a look at this: Approach Women NOW:
https://www.alphaconfidence.com/approach/

"The difference between great people and everyone else is that great people create their lives actively, while everyone else is created by their lives, passively waiting to see where life takes them next." - Michael E. Gerber.

CONTINUED...

CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE...

QUESTION: Look Who's Playing the Player

I am 32 years old, still single and though women have told me with shaking heads that they don't understand it because I am 'very attractive', I understand it very well.

I lack confidence and I get the sick to my stomach at the thought of approaching women I find attractive. That's the key, really. I have no trouble at all approaching unattractive women. I can waltz right up to them and make funny quips, witty comments and I often find myself on the receiving end of flirtation and affection from the most unattractive women in the room. That's not really what I find most troubling though...

I recently had a situation where I ran into a girl I had once been really attracted to and it turned out she was now divorced... Aside from that we have a lot of common interests and a great rapport. She's also extremely hot.

Anyway, this particular night I had it going on, charming conversation which she was visibly enjoying and we were 'catching up'. Out of the blue, a 'pretty boy'-type in his early twenties, very immature and drunk frat-boy turns around, sees her, puts his arm around her and buts right into the conversation with demeaning remarks about me. He was 'faux-joking' but does it in such a way that it sounds like guy-to-guy ribbing (normally reserved for close buddies).

He then physically spins her around so their backs are facing me and starts introducing her to his friends. I am left standing outside the circle looking like a chump. It should be noted that he's much more good looking than I am - in a Brad Pitt vs Jean Luc Picard sort of way and so were his buddies. I had only met he and his buddies that night when we were introduced by a co-worker. Everything about them shouted 'players' and she seemed to be eating it up.

This is not the first time a girl has been whisked away from me by a more aggressive suitor who gambled (correctly) that I wouldn't risk looking like an ass by causing a scene or saying something.

What should I have done?

- If I said, "Excuse me, we were having a conversation here..." I look like an ass because he was playing it as though we were 'buddies'. Not only that but she was obviously digging the added attention.

- If I push my way into his circle and try to play frat-boy, I look like an idiot because I'm just not the type.

- If I tap her and say, "I'll talk to you later, I guess", he's also won.

In an instant he moved every piece on the chess board and left me with no moves but to walk away. I never saw her again that night but rumour has it she left the 'martini bar' we were at with he and his buddies for a local college-age dance club.

I am enjoying the few recent podcasts I've heard - great insights. Keep it up!

CARLOS:

Ah, yes. How classic this is.

I'm not making light of your situation, only nodding my head at the frequency that I hear this story.

Guy meets girl. Guy fails to escalate or demonstrate his Alpha Man traits (confidence, sexuality, etc.)

And guy fails to attract woman. Instead, she goes for the guy that actually jump starts her battery.

Women want Excitement.

FUN.

Thrills!

All of which you are not giving her.

And, Frat boy did.

So instead of kicking the dirt, pouting and getting defensive about Frat-boy's behavior, it's time to find the parts of it that work and put them to work for YOU.

You don't have to be a jerk to get at tractive women, but you have to be more assertive than you probably are right now.

Don't mistake assertive for aggressive. They're NOT the same.

I will tell you something that this AMOG probably spotted: He smelled your submissiveness.

Oh yes, he did.

Just like a pack of wild animals cruising through the jungle looking for prey..

I mean, I'm sure you're a very nice guy.

But you are probably aware that Nice Guys do not finish first. No matter what Hollywood or any well-meaning women who have told you otherwise have said.

You see, those women that told you that they "don't understand it" really DO understand why you're not getting the women you ought to. Somewhere, under the surface, they sense that your nice-guy tendencies do not make them feel gut-level attraction.

The bottom line here is that you need to learn the secrets of the Alpha Man and how to demonstrate your natural masculinity. There's too much to this to try and communicate in a single email.

Why do you need to learn how to be an Alpha?

Because that's how you'll learn the mindset you need to handle these situations. It's a level of communication that most men today cannot comprehend.

You see, there are an infinite variety of ways you can present yourself to a woman, and most are communicated underneath the surface. It's SUBTEXT, as I call it.

If you don't have the REAL game underneath, working in your attitude and your confidence at the level that communicates the right things about you, you'll get blasted by other Alphas out there that can sense your attitude.

By practicing and learning how REAL Game works, using the best parts of who you already are, you'll be able to feel relaxed and resourceful (the "R" in REAL) enough to handle these guys easily.

So the secret to Alpha Man success with women is this: Use R.E.A.L. Game.

What is it?

R = Relaxed & Resourceful
E = Effective & Energized
A = Authentic & Alpha
L = Lifestyle & Lasting

These qualities make up the best parts of an Alpha.

So what can you do about where you are?

There's a saying: Wherever you go, there you are.

You can't escape yourself. Which is all the more reason you should be working to make yourself the best person you can.

A long time ago, I was riddle with self-doubt and low self-esteem. I'm here to tell you that you can turn that around. Completely.

180 degrees.

Listen to my friend Matt explain:

"Carlos ... Your [Alpha Man] CD's truly are a fantastic product. The advice is so real and to-the-point. There is no B.S. which is so refreshing in this overly commercialized world. Further, everything on there is totally accurate. Admittedly, I came across your product by accident when I was searching the web and came across your product. I had never even heard of the phrase "Alpha-Man" before.

"When I purchased the product in late 2004, I was of the mentality: "If I buy this can you guarantee that it will work?"

"WRONG FRAME OF MIND.

"To that end, I did purchase it, and once I began using the CD's I was introduced to a whole new world--it was sort of like the Matrix. When I began implementing the strategies into my game, it took a little time and some effort, but within six months I had eliminated most of the "nice guy" beta qualities I had lingering in my sub-conscious.

"The bad thoughts that creep into one's mind from time to time come back, but I have learned to take action and act on the positive." - Matt

Matt's letter is typical. I get calls and emails and letters from guys all the time that quote the same thing: when they started to work on themselves, making themselves a higher quality man, more character and integrity, they found success with women.

You KNOW the nice guy thing doesn't work, right?

If you're still not sure why, read this:

Secrets of the Alpha Man
https://www.alphaconfidence.com

THIS IS YOUR LAST WEEK TO GET MY GIFT:

So now I want to give you another chance to get my gift.

This is the gift of information. I have a special bonus podcast up this week.

CJ, my ever-vigilant assistant, pointed out that some of you guys might like to have a listen to the value you get in the monthly Audio Coaching Series.

Each month I give the subscribers 120 minutes of top-notch audio advice on strategies, openers, exercises, inner game tools, motivation, and much more.

I just released SESSION 31 and it's now ready for you to download.

I'm going to give you a special link to a segment of this program that you can download and try out. It's no c0st to you. Just a little gift for you to learn by.

All I ask is this: If you like what you hear (and I know you will) why not give the Audio Coaching a try?

Subscribe for a couple months and decide for yourself if you can benefit from this program.

Keep in mind that the one reason most people don't succeed with a new skill or change of habit is because they lack the motivation to keep up the new habit or skill long enough to make it stick.

All it takes is 3 weeks, in most cases.

Studies have shown that you can make a SIGNIFICANT change in your life in as little as 21 days. You can even do it faster if you put in more effort.

You can change your negative thinking.

You can change your bad habits.

And you can become more successful with the ladies...!

Have you ever lost that drive and wondered how you can keep going?

Wouldn't it be cool to have someone helping you with this ALL THE TIME?

Let me do that for you.

Here's your link to the bonus podcast:
/dating-advice-podcast.htm

CONTINUED...

______________________

Have a listen, and then take a look at the special offer this month:

This month, in Session 31 we cover:

THE MISSION - Exercise to improve your Approach Skills: Baselining your approach skills...

FIELD REPORT - THE "W" - We review a field outing to the "W" bar in the XYZ hotel of San Francisco...

ONE-ITIS - What One-itis is, How to know if you have it, ways to counter it...

INTRODUCTION TO ONLINE DATING - Learn the critical basics for online dating, which women use online dating, Why women use it ...

ROMANTIC CHALLENGES - The obstacles between you and her that you must create, why women love challenge ...

UNIVERSAL APPROACH STRATEGY - Why conversations fail with women, Keeping the conversation fun, How women communicate differently than men, what you must give a woman in conversation...

and a LOT more ...

Not only do you get the 120+ minutes of each session when you subscribe, but you also get these bonuses:

1) Access to the Alpha Man Power Forum with hundreds of tips, posts, and advice you can discuss with other Alpha Men

2) SIX additional HOURS of Carlos Xuma's first podcasts

3) A monthly bonus e-book

4) Monthly bonus Dating Advice Teleconference calls in MP3 format, with exclusive Q&A from Carlos Xuma

You can get it here:
/audioprogsub.htm

And if you subscribe this month, I'll even throw in last month's Session 30 for you at no additional charge...

Just remember: Every man is self-made, but only the SUCCESSFUL admit it.

You'll get both of these sessions when you sign up for the Audio Coaching Subscription right away.

There is a bonus e-book included with every month of the audio now, too. There's a ton of extra tips and strategies you don't get in the audio.

Guys, this is really nuts. I'm not a salesman, I'm just your friendly neighborhood dating advice dude. I've been delivering the goods in these audio coaching programs for almost 3 years now, and we're getting better with every session...

It's time to subscribe. As one of my preferred readers, I'm sending you an exclusive link to join today and get all this fantastic stuff for a RIDICULOUSLY low rate.

Here's your special link:
/audioprogsub.htm

Go to this page and download your first two sessions, along with the bonuses, right now...

Go have a look at what the subscribers are saying about this transformational program.

- Carlos Xuma

The secrets of compelling communication and persuasion are easy to learn.

Most guys don't approach women because they haven't got the SKILLS to APPROACH WOMEN. Once you have them, you'll feel less anxious and you'll actually DO IT.

It's time to learn the TRUTH about women ... and attraction.

It's all about your Inner Game...

Discover your inner Alpha Man - NOW

Click HERE to learn more...