The TRUTH About Dating and Attraction...

Friday, 4:40 AM: Carlos Xuma's Desk...

QUESTION:

Hi Carlos,

I just wanted to thank you for helping me out. I wrote to you back in January about an old friend that I began seeing again, but who only considered me as a friend. You even mentioned me on your podcast, to my surprise.

Anyway, I took your advice, which was to move on and concentrate on other women, and I've rarely seen or spoken to her this year. Well, she called me Wednesday about getting together after a month of silence and a no-show for our last date. Following your ALPHA MAN principles, I told her I won't accept that kind of treatment from her and she apologized profusely.

Just before our date, she called to ask if she could bring her son along. Rather than giving in (which I would have done before), I said "no" and that it had been too long since I'd seen her alone. I made a very nice but simple meal and kept things low key, dinner and a DVD. She was complaining about being sore from working out, which I teased her about all night long.

Well Carlos, this woman who "never imagined" me as a boyfriend and who I had barely heard from in months spent the night and I couldn't be happier. Without applying to my life what I learned from the ALPHA MAN, I wouldn't have broken free from the "Friends Zone" and connected with a woman that's meant a lot to me for years.

Keith

CARLOS:

Doesn't that just ROCK?

Or, as Peter Griffin would say, "Freakin' Sweet!"

I love hearing about this when it happens, because it just goes to prove that this WORKS.

I don't need to hear it much anymore, but I know you guys may have a tough time believing in what really does work with women.

Yes, I know that I say never to try this, but that's exactly how she'll come around if she's ever going to. It's by letting her go, and then getting over her, that you'll create the attitude and aura of a man she wants to get with.

If you want this kind of ability, then I suggest you also look at the Secrets of the Alpha Man program: https://www.alphaconfidence.com

QUESTION:

I want to say that your book is great and that it shifted my paradigm on men/women relationships, the way I see things now are much clearer and I'm finally able to perform better in the "dating" arena.

My question is the following: I read your book and my approach on relationships in general is the short term approach (the road to friendship is paved with dinners and gifts), and it gives you more options, you have more freedom of choice. However, I'm having issues with a sort of long distance relationship (180 miles).

We're f*ck buddies, however on the first and second date I didn't get to nail her although I had her naked inside my bed and all and I went up to 2nd or 3rd base, she made me wait, signal that she wanted me for something more serious or maybe its her policy just not to get remorse or she values herself . On the 1st date however it wasn't that much of a challenge I kissed her when we went out clubbing and on the second date I had her naked in my bed (that was a day after).

Thing is that I don't see her every two weeks, were together for about 3 days and have good s.x, I even stay at her apartment don't do stuff that are considered boyfriend/girlfriend things, although we never talked about qualifying our relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend and that's the way we present ourselves to others, too. I met her about a month ago.

I get rumors from this "friend" that introduced her to me, that another buddy of his goes out with her and f*cks her, although this guy is not very trustable and lies in general. I don't know if this girl is a "player" for real, and I should probably desensitize myself and just limit myself to f*ck her, if this rumor comes to be true.

I think relationships should start with lust and then see if it advances to something more serious, just as you insinuate in your book.

I have no actual way of verifying this although this probably shouldn't be bothering me and should have more of a life instead of draining my energy in this.

I hope you can give me some good advice, I really don't know how to handle women players, if she really is so, all I can say is that the s*x is real good and every time I want it she never denies me, she even brings me breakfast to bed and all.

- E

CONTINUED...

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CARLOS SAYS:

Well, I need to point something out here. Your terminology has me a bit concerned.

Not that I'm a prude and I don't know all about locker-room terminology and talk, but let's be honest - it's not just about 'nailing' her, or f***ing her. It's about the shared experience. If it becomes all about your own s*xual gratification, then some other issue is present which really has nothing to do with the s*x. It's now about power and control issues.

But let's not quibble over such things. I think I hear where you're coming from. And, I can even read between the lines. Just like every other ape-man that walked this planet, you're finding that it's not so easy to just have booty-calls in the middle of the night. You actually start having FEELINGS for this girl.

Huh. Go figure.

You see, when you say you "shouldn't" have these feelings, that means you do, and it's already too late. The barn door can't be closed after the horses have left. You're already emotionally involved, even if it's only driven by your jealousy and insecurity.

Just keep on the way you have been, and make sure you have your own extras on the side. If you haven't mutually agreed to have a monogamous relationship, then you need to just enjoy what you've got. Don't cut open the Golden Goose.

What will inevitably happen (if you're doing your job right) is that she will ask you to make things more serious. This is the way it should be, and you can't be the one to make it so. To try and pin her down will probably make her run.

However, you should always be practicing safe s*x, just in case.... right?

Watch her behavior. If she's a 'player', you'll notice it in her personality...

By the way, I never say that it has to begin with LUST, though I can understand that interpretation. What I say in my e-book is that you must start with a strong chemistry element to ensure that she gets interested in you. Most guys try the wimpy, wussy method of trying to be 'friends first,' which does not work the way you'd like to think it would.

If you don't know why, read HERE: https://www.alphaconfidence.com

Women will always make you wait for one of those two reasons. More than likely, it was her slut complex. Once you established trust, then she felt safe progressing further. Hopefully you both can find out if that trust is warranted.

WHEN SHE GIGGLES

CARLOS:

This question actually happened to me a while back when I was on vacation at the beach. I was at the hotel swimming pool, & a group of 3 somewhat cute gals that I didn't know were sitting in chairs on the other side of the pool from where I was. We were the only people at the pool at the time. When I took off my shirt & got in the pool, they kinda giggled & smiled a little bit to each other.

I'm almost certain the giggling was because of me, because of course 3 gals are gonna look at a guy when he undresses like that & I was the only guy there. I lift weights, run, & do martial arts, so I'm somewhat on the buff & fit side, but on the slim side as well (5'10, 170).

It wasn't like they broke out in full belly laughs or anything, I just noticed they giggled a little bit. Not sure how to interpret it. Don't really care all that much, but I'm asking because another situation came up yesterday that reminded me of this.

This kinda fat guy was in my store bending down looking at tools, & 2 cute gals were standing with me as I was cashing their checks. The guy's jeans fell down revealing about 8 inches of his ass crack, & the girls busted out laughing. The guy turned around & saw them & pulled his pants back up. This whole thing got me thinking about how girls react when they like a dude's body vs. how they react when they don't like it.

If a group of gals you don't know is hanging out at the same pool you are, & they giggle when you skin down & get in the pool, is that a good thing or a bad thing? I know that in my guy thinking it would be a bad thing, but in a lot of things chicks are just the opposite of what a guy would think.

CARLOS:

Ah, yes... when girls laugh. It sounds like a Fox TV special... "Tonight, right after When Alligators Attack, we'll take a look at the most bruising ego event: When Girls Laugh."

I wish I could say that was all joking, but it's not. I can think of nothing more bruising to the male ego than female ridicule.

This all started back in high school when a girl might giggle or laugh, and we guys were mostly too insecure and anxious to walk up and say, "So, ladies, what's got you laughing?"

As with everything I preach, I want you to realize that it all comes down to how willing (and secure) you are to call things as you see them. To confront situations WHEN THEY HAPPEN.

You see, most guys will watch something like that, not know what to say, and fail to act. And they'll keep on doing this until they figure out a solution to the dilemma.

WWCD?

What Would Carlos Do?

I'm glad you asked...

I'd first realize that no matter WHAT the hell they were giggling about, it couldn't affect me negatively in any way that mattered.

Then, I'd be curious.

You see, the insecure guy would think, right off the bat, "Oh, no! I must look strange/silly/weird/whatever..." and immediately lose confidence. He has no core to his inner game, and so he will fail immediately.

The Alpha Man would walk over and say, "Hey, ladies. I just wanted to see what was happening over here. Did you hear a good joke? Share!"

All with a very relaxed, non-offended manner.

What I'm trying to get you guys away from is interpreting things.

That's for those guys with weak frames.

Alpha Men don't care what someone else thinks it might mean, or even what they're thinking. He comes from his own reality, where he makes a situation mean whatever the hell he wants it to.

If you come from a strong enough frame, even if they were laughing AT you, you could turn it around with your confidence and poise. You'd be able to assert yourself over their weak little giggly school girl frame in about a minute.

Instead of me trying to convince you or over-explain this, why not sit back for a moment and close your eyes... imagine yourself there in that situation, and what would you do about it?

How would you feel?

What would it matter if they were laughing at you?

Could you hold your ground?

Would you run away and cry?

Would you be able to smile, walk over, and expand your frame over them?

W.W.Y.D. ?

What Would YOU Do?

Do you know WHAT to do?

I assure you success if you do what I recommend, and follow the simple strategies I've got for you.

When I was first trying to get my game solid with women, one thing I wished I'd had was someone to coach me. Someone that could tell me if I was doing everything the right way, or where I should turn if it was going wrong.

Well, I went through a lot before I figured a lot of this stuff out, and now I want to help you out. Someone once said that you can buy a book and get the benefit of a LIFETIME of another persons experience. That's a pretty good trade, if you think about it for a second.

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FIELD REPORT - THE "W" - We review a field outing to the "W" bar in the XYZ hotel of San Francisco...

ONE-ITIS - What One-itis is, How to know if you have it, ways to counter it...

INTRODUCTION TO ONLINE DATING - Learn the critical basics for online dating, which women use online dating, Why women use it ...

ROMANTIC CHALLENGE - The obstacles between you and her that you must create, why women love challenge ...

UNIVERSAL APPROACH STRATEGY - Why conversations fail with women, Keeping the conversation fun, How women communicate differently than men, what you must give a woman in conversation...

and a LOT more ...

CONTINUED...

______________________

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- Carlos Xuma

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