The TRUTH About Dating and Attraction...

Tuesday, 11:00 AM: Carlos Xuma's Desk...

Hello!

I am writing in regards to a couple of issues:

1) Online dating, and
2) Picking up women (ages 18-25) in bars and nightclubs.

Regarding online dating, you give excellent information in the DBB on the response to a woman's ad, and the "what you're looking for in another person" part of the profile. Do you have any tips and strategies, with specific examples, for filling out the part that says "describe yourself"?

Also, what should go in the "subject" line?

On the issue of bar and nightclub approaches, my quesiton is do the rules change in this enviornment. Do you still want to get a number, or go all the way the first night for a one night stand? One major issue that has come up for me in meeting women in bars is the noise. I have a soft weak voice and women usually can't hear me. I have to strain for them to hear me which seriously throws off my game. Any tips here? Also, do you initially approach her the same way in these places, and what do you talk about once you've broken the ice with her? I'm 22, and girls my age are usually very wild, but hard to pick up in bars. I have gotten a lot of fake numbers, as I would try to go straight up to a girl and get her number, without creating any connection.

Now, I answered the initial questions in a previous exclusive on online dating techniques, so I'm only going into the latter half of the question.

But first, you bring up one point that I didn't cover before: What to put in the initial subject line.

I suggest putting something clever enough that her interest will be sparked. She's probably getting hundreds of emails a week, so you have to stand out. She probably won't get around to reading all of them, so you have to make your subject interesting enough for her to go, "Hey, wait a second... what's this?"

I've been using one like this:

"(Insert something really clever here)"

And that's been working well. Most women get a chuckle out of it because it kind of makes fun of the fact that we both know I have to be clever.

Another idea is to pick one thing out of her information that you can make a comment on. For example, for one woman that put in a picture of her with a cat, I used: "Nice try, using a kitten as a lure." If she was tall, you could say, "No comments about the weather up there"

Just don't be TOO clever without explaining yourself in the text of the email.

Now, on to the others:

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VOICE THERAPY

You point out an important area that you should work on here, and that's the power, tone, resonance and overall quality of your voice.

A soft, weak voice will hurt you, so you want to work on this. Women will interpret your tone and strength of voice to indicate a facet of your confidence. A soft voice says, "I'm shy and reserved." The interesting thing is that when you learn how to speak with more power and authority, you start to FEEL more confident and powerful, too. One feeds off the other.

Some tips:

1) Hum a lot. This strengthens your diaphragm and trains your voice to work from deep inside you rather than from the nasally top of your head.
2) Practice tongue twisters. This can have a dramatic ability on your ability to speak and enunciate clearly. I knew a lot of performers who use this as a warm up.
3) Take some singing lessons. Who cares if you suck? I'm the worst singer in the world, but it teaches you how to get your voice from the proper spot. I've been told that I should do voice-overs, and I was even the voice on our voicemail at a company I worked for. All for working on the depth and resonance.

As for the approach, you're beginning to see something important about the number-collecting game. Women will give out a fake number to get rid of you and to make themselves feel important. They don't like to hurt guys' feelings (not thinking that a guy would actually be ten times more hurt at getting a wrong number than if she had the guts to say she wasn't interested in the first place.) So the best thing to do is to call them on their bullsh*t right up front.

Here's what you do: When she writes down her number (make HER write it down, always), you take it and turn over the piece of paper and hand it back to her and say, "Now give me your REAL number." Don't smile or look like you're being a clown. Watch her reaction. If she insists that this is her real number and it later turns out not to be, she has low scruples, and you should give her grief the next time you see her.

Or, after she gives you the number, you can say: "Now, are you one of those gals who will give out a bogus number to avoid saying she's not interested?"

The point of these exercises is less about short circuiting their desire to give you a bogus number and more about you demonstrating a confidence that women respect and are more likely to give a good phone number to. Get it?

The other thing you should focus on is developing that rapport and attraction before you get the number. Why would she want to give her number to someone she isn't interested in? I don't blame her. The onus of responsibility lies on you to get her attraction mechanism started first. Use the Tease to Please strategy.

And as far as conversation goes, this is the easiest question in the world to answer.

What do you talk about?

HER.

Please, everyone, stay conscious after that shocking bit of news.

Just talk about HER. What does she like to do? Find commonalities, point them out (without bragging) and then keep finding out more about her.

She will want to see you more because you told her less about you and asked more about her.

And I know I repeated that more than a couple of times in the book.

Which leads me to remind you guys out there that reading THE DATING BLACK BOOK just once is okay. Twice is better. Three is good. Four is improving. Five is when things START to really sink in.

I had a book about dating that I have read over 30 times, and every time I read it I got more out of it than the last time. You'll put stuff together that you didn't see before.

You simply MUST review this material so many times that you can recite it in your sleep. I'm dead serious. When you want to master something, you don't practice it just once. You do it so many times that you almost get sick of hearing it. And then keep going.

Trust me, it really works.

CONTINUED...

______________________

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Stay tuned...

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