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CARLOS XUMA -
DATING ADVICE FOR MEN NEWSLETTER: |
The TRUTH About Dating and Attraction...
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Thursday, 7:25 PM: Carlos Xuma's Desk...
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ANOTHER MISTAKE YOU CAN AVOID:
I have a really good question that I am curious about how you would suggest approaching it. What if she complains 'you don't say you love me' ?
While this is a simple question, there are several potentially different case scenarios here:
1) She confessed her love to you once or twice, then she pops the question above.
2) She has confessed her love multiple times (and you are interested in her), and somehow begins to feel insecure about your own feelings.
I realize you could brush it off with humor but if things begin to get serious for her due to her uncertainty, she may just shrug and say "no, really, I never know how YOU feel about this." how do you respond?
I want to emphasize that the whole idea here is to keep things under control WITHOUT upsetting her.
What do you do to keep the attraction WITHOUT hurting her feelings (especially in light of the fact that the longer you brush off answering this, the more serious it is going to get for her in terms of her uncertainty about your feelings.)
Another case scenario (less heavy than the earlier) is she told you several times she liked you, and then asks you if you like her.
What do you say?
Last scenario: she told you several times she liked you, and then she says "you never say that you like me". Etc etc. How do you answer this?
E.
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CARLOS:
My big concern here is why you feel you need to keep things "under control," and then why you think you need to avoid upsetting her?
Both are mistakes.
First off, my initial question is how much of what you gave me in "scenarios" actually came to pass. (?) Guys (but even more so, women) are notorious for thinking up scenarios in their heads and not having any basis in reality. Rather than go for reality, we'd rather "figure it all out" in our heads.
Human interaction is organic, and very spotty at best. You can NEVER predict with any certain accuracy what a person will really do when you talk to them, so you must develop these skills in REAL LIVE SITUATIONS WITH WOMEN.
You'd think that was obvious by now, but so many people are in the "protect myself" mode of thinking that they fail to see that this actually protects them from experiencing real interaction with other people. As I said, one big mistake is trying to NOT upset her.
That's a totalpussy response, if you want the cold hard truth.
(and I know you do, or you wouldn't be writing me...)
If you walk around on egg shells all the time around her, you'll only wind up with her thinking you're a supplicating dork.
Don't do it. She's probably not going to dump you for saying how you feel TOO LITTLE, but you can damn well be sure she WILL dump you for saying it TOO MUCH. Like you NEED her to feel a certain way back.
She's only asking you so that she can get some reassurance from you about your feelings. She's feeling insecure and wants your feedback to feel safe about staying with the relationship. So don't hold back out of some artificial need to control her.
You'll never be able to.
The problem is not in her asking you, but in your need to seek a response (or give a response) which maintains some kind of illusion of control or power over her.
A real Alpha Man acts from his own desires (not his insecurities or neediness) and do the best he could to answer her question truthfully.
If it was too early to talk about this stuff, I'd tell her that it was too early, no matter how much I was pressured to answer.
If it was the right time, I'd tell her what I felt for her at that time.
First ask whether or not you have feelings for her...
... then figure out why you need to hide the answer from her.
?
CONTINUED...
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HYPER AWARE:
Carlos,
I have read your material and have had a lot of success. However, tonight I think I regressed from cocky to wussy and I am trying to assess the damages and manifest a new plan.
To make this as short as possible I have been dating a girl for a month. I saw her Saturday night and things went very well. Today, I wanted to break our communication pattern and do something different.
Normally, I would spend the weekend with her and call on the Wednesday or Thursday after that to arrange the next meeting. The plan was to drive to her town call her up and invite her for a spontaneous trip for ice cream and I also wanted to return a book that she had been reading that she had left in my car and also give to her a book which I purchased a couple of weeks ago as a gift.
I called when I was in town but she was just going to work at her night time job. I played cocky and funny on the phone and created a reason for being in town and then I mentioned that if I had the chance I would bring her books by work. An hour later I walked in handed her the books said "Don't work to hard - have a good night" and left.
That simple. I was there 4 seconds but I am daunted about this having that wuss, needy stink. Yuck.
Just for a little more insight she often talks about a future with me and had mentioned before that it would be okay if I stopped by her workplace sometime so I felt somewhat comfortable taking this action.
I thought she might write an email later saying thanks but I haven't heard from her. So, Carlos - are you cringing?
My question for you is this. Is there ever a time when something like this is acceptable or is it always in the wuss category? and any advice on how I can turn this back around.
- J
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CARLOS:
By and large, you did most of the right things. You did SOMETHING which is always better than nothing.
The only mistakes I can see here are that you're over-thinking. Your actions would work fine if they were coming from the right belief system.
Right now you're making the mistake of being a try-hard. This is the guy that's DOING things to get a certain result. That's too outcome-dependent.
You're needing a certain result and worried constantly about the appropriateness of everything you're doing.
When you do something to NEED a response, you are putting yourself out of your natural ALPHA behavior. When you do something because you want to do it, and you are not out-of-control trying to get a response, you are acting from your Alpha desires.
The big thing that will get you here is taking every action too seriously, as if everything you do has to be some pre-planned strategy to get things to "work right."
Ironically, even though the strategies and tactics I teach work like a charm, you can be guilty of being TOO self-aware. Meaning that you can be way too focused on "not doing the right things" instead of just doing as much of the right things as you can.
When you realize that there are so many things going on, you become hyper-attentive to details, and those details don't really make or break your game.
It's your confidence going in.
Here's a few bits of advice:
1) Drop your emotional attachment to a particular result. The best thing you can do is to be as detached as you can. Imagine yourself as an observer from across the room, coldly analyzing your performance.
2) You always do the best that you can do. Even if you THINK you could have done better or different. You must learn to let go of your retro-analysis. That's just focusing you on failure.
3) Set your goals on moving FORWARD to what you want. If you don't get it, learn from what you did, and then apply the learning and experience to the NEXT woman. Don't get caught up in the process of salvaging every effort. That's scarcity thinking.
4) Work keenly on improving your self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-image. These three elements will take care of 1000 other small things you may think you're doing incorrectly. Small behaviors are taken care of by getting the BIG attitude.
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And if you want to REALLY learn how to increase your own self-confidence, self-esteem, and overall self-image, you need to take a look at the Secrets of the Alpha Man program.
I wrote the book on this subject of Alpha Men (literally and figuratively) and now I want you guys to reap the benefits.
In this book, I reveal the secret that most guys out there (especially "pick up artists") don't realize.
Really, do you want to go any further without this knowledge?
This is what the other guys are using, and if you don't start learning the principles of how to create attraction, you're losing ground every day you wait.
Do you want another year of confusion and poor results to stop you from getting what you deserve?
If you're reading this now, and you want to learn the strategies that others have learned, the top-down strategies are exactly what my Alpha Man Program will teach you.
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Not only do you learn what the subtle psychological aspects are, but how you can amplify these"Alpha" traits so that you are able to draw in the women that you want. The only magic you have to add to this equation is the attitude to take action.
If you're reading these newsletters, and you find yourself nodding your head, wishing you could figure out what the heck is going on in your own dating situation, it's time to do better.
Are you tired of finding women that seem to be interested, and then they seem to get distant and all you get is a peck on the cheek and a "let's just be friends"?
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CONTINUED...
______________________
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Do you want to take the woman that you've lost and get her interested again?
Do you want to make sure you handle it right, from the start?
Ask yourself: What am I waiting for?
Get understanding so that you can make 2006 the year you took care of yourself and started being really successful with women.
Life is a LOT shorter than you think.
Ask yourself: Do you want to wind up in your rocking chair whining about all the things you SHOULD have done?
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I've even thrown in a few new extra bonuses that you're going to want to grab with these offers, too.
If you get the program right away, I'll send you the e-book RIGHT AWAY so you can get started... AND I'll even send you a link to join the Alpha Man Forum - a special user group where you can exchange information and tips with other Alpha Men.
Just remember: Every man is self-made, but only the SUCCESSFUL admit it.
I'll be back with more advice soon ...
- Carlos
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The secrets of compelling communication and persuasion are easy to learn.
Most guys don't approach women because they haven't got the SKILLS to APPROACH WOMEN. Once you have them, you'll feel less anxious and you'll actually DO IT.
It's time to learn the TRUTH about women ... and attraction.
It's all about your Inner Game...
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Discover your inner Alpha Man - NOW
Click HERE to learn more...
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Listen to what the other gurus are saying about Carlos' work...
"I've read every book and studied every system on dating. The problem with most 'gurus' in this field is that they're not teaching men how to build a solid foundation. Until you change your internal belief system and adopt an Alpha mindset, all the
tactics and techniques in the world aren't going to do you any good. (Actually, it's like learning just enough karate to get your ass kicked!) Carlos Xuma is the best there is at teaching men how to develop their 'inner game.' From
there, he'll give you the complete set of tools for approaching women, and life, with absolute confidence and skill. If you're in this game to win it, these are the rules you need to learn."
- "Supreme", M.A.C.K. Tactics co-creator
"Carlos Xuma is a man who has a clear passion for imparting the success with women he has experienced to other guys worldwide. He approaches his craft with immense integrity and a distinct style!"
- Scot McKay, X & Y Communications, DeserveWhatYouWant.com
"Carlos Xuma is the REAL DEAL! If you are serious about creating an extraordinary relationship. You will learn more about the needs and desires of women than they do themselves! I highly recommend
Carlos to any man who is ready to get the woman of his dreams. I love his game, its 100% real."
- The Dean, Dating4Men.com
"Carlos Xuma is one of those rare guys in the field who actually GETS what interacting with women is all about. His advice goes beyond the pick-up lines and approach techniques that so many guys use and fail with. Rather, Carlos gives guys everywhere practical,
valuable advice that will make men attractive not just for one night, but for many, many years. He lays down the foundation for becoming a NATURALLY attractive man, full of confidence and the ability to fully ENJOY being around hot babes.
Unlike other pickup artists, Carlos shares information that helps you not only in one area of life, but in many: in social relationships, at work, sports, with personal goals. He'll help make you a well-rounded, self-believing alpha MAN who's capable of just
about anything. And seducing gorgeous, high-quality women, is just the beginning."
- James Brito, How to Be Irresistible to Women
"Carlos Xuma is one of the few men in the 'seduction' or 'attraction' community who digs beneath the surface of passing attraction, and Explores what it is to be a man who attracts women by virtue of his character and, consequently, the natural outward expression of high character.
He brings words like 'discipline' and 'integrity' to the forefront, and waddya know, those are exactly the qualities women truly crave in a man."
- Grant Adams, CEO - net2bed.com
"Hey Carlos, I write about the biology of men and women's behavior. You seem to know the biology of behavior without knowing it. How do you do that? You have a deep intuition of dynamics - it took me 7 years of academic research to discover. And you find sharp ways to apply it practically... Keep up the good work, brother."
- Joe Quirk, Author of "Sperm are from Men, Eggs are from Women"
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