The TRUTH About Dating and Attraction...

Thursday, 1:50 PM: Carlos Xuma's Desk...

MESSAGE FROM A WOMAN:

Hi Carlos, To get the kind-of person you want, you have to become that person too. I can't expect to get a non-smoker if I smoke. I can't expect to get a decent date if I'm not a decent person. If I don't want to date a person that goes to bars, I shouldn't go to bars. If I want a well-dressed professional type, I have to dress that part too. If I want a church-goer, I have to go to church. And the list goes on.

Also, as you know, you have to finally come to a point in your life that you are happy with yourself and being alone and not NEED another person. In other words - a complete and self-reliant person. Then you will have the confidence you need - and which incidently attracts the opposite sex - to be a better partner when that special one finally comes around.

And a lot of physical attraction or chemistry can happen with many people. That doesn't mean that person is a good match for you. Try to look at their character within FIRST and then decide if there is physical attraction there. Watch that girl from afar for awhile first.

That's my two cents from lots of experience. I've finally resigned myself, after years, that maybe I'll be single for the rest of my life. But now I am finally at a point that I love my home and my kids and my pets and my life. Being happily married would just be the icing on the cake. I think I'm finally at the right point with the right focus. Thanks for listening -C

CARLOS SAYS:

Unfortunately, since most women don't read my books, they don't realize that this is exactly what I talk about in my programs. NEED is something that I abhor.

Desire is your choice. NEED will be your downfall.

Yes, the dilemma of chemistry vs. compatibility is that most people get involved with their feelings FIRST before they figure out if the person is someone they can really get along with, or even really want in their lives.

You say to try to look at their character first, which I wish more people would do. But again, the reality is that most people do NOT. Human nature is that we cannot control who we are attracted to this way.

If a guy is a strong, confident Alpha Man (as I coach), then they will inevitably draw women into their world. Abundance will come to you. (As I - thankfully - experience every day.)

I was at the gas station yesterday for a half-hour (long story), while I waited in line with a bunch of wonderful people. An older gentleman who obviously loved his dogs (he wouldn't stop talking about them), a chubby gal with an urge to chat, a handicapped gentleman, and a cute, quiet woman. I tell you these traits because they stood out and illustrated the diversity of the people we meet every day.

Up walks this woman who is, frankly, a bit too skinny, but with a smoking body. Her boobs must have cost a fortune, and she probably LIVES at the gym to keep her ass that firm. But I saw right away through to her personality. She was loud on her cell phone, making sure we all heard about her wonderful life with her new husband, blah blah blah...

"NOTICE ME!" her behavior screamed. And we did, but I saw right through to her character, and that turned me off right away.

Sure, she'd be a stellar boink, but her personality would have me screaming for a cyanide pill after ten minutes alone with her. "Pillow talk" here would be me holding the pillow over her face. (Joking...)

But back to the gal who's writing in:

As we get older, as you must be from reaching these insights, we can learn a bit more self-control over our impulsive jump-in-the-sack attitudes that we had when we were in our younger years.

I do hope that while you have accepted that as a possibility (that you may stay single), you must also keep HOPE alive.

I meet a LOT of jaded and bad-attitude women that have given up. I see this especially with single moms. (Not that you're any of these.)

Their hearts are closed off. They no longer have any hope to try. They won't work to enjoy the fruits of a loving relationship anymore because of the disappointment and heartache they associate with it - the search is too high a cost to pay.

Please don't let that acceptance smother your drive to find a special person. Keep your criteria reasonable, don't settle, but NEVER GIVE UP.

Keep that balance and focus.

SHE'S PLAYING HIM:

Hi Carlos,

I am always applying the C&F stuff you support, any ways I met this cute girl when I was out with a girl working with me, after a few days I called her telling I will take her out this week end , she said cool.by the week end she cancelled and said she's very busy and stuff like this, when we were talking she said she wanted to go for the game next day and I had tickets so I told her to come with me and she agreed but cancelled after 5 or 6 hours!!.

she said she will call to setup something, this was a week before, she didnt call till today so am I, but today she sent me an invitation THROUGH THE GIRL WORKING WITH ME for a party @ her house next friday!!!, she didnt called to invite me. I think going to the party will be a wussy action, what do you think??

thanks man A.F

CARLOS SAYS:

You're right on the money. She's a player, or an attention hound. She's not really into you, so she's playing the game of hot and cold so she doesn't have to "lose you" as a friend.

I say you go to the party and meet a ton of new women and watch how this girl will suddenly want you back.

GO to the party, but go on your own terms. Write off this chick, and don't go there expecting to get with her. Instead, use the opportunity to expand your social circle and to PRACTICE.

What do you practice?

All the stuff you should know from my APPROACH WOMEN NOW program, that's what. Get it:
https://www.alphaconfidence.com/approach/

CONTINUED...

CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE...

EVERYBODY'S GOT A CURE:

Carlos, here's the real secret on picking up gilrs, you dont need a black book, all you need to do is listen to what they say, respond with something that actually relates to what they are talking about and give them what they are missing in their lives, love.

CARLOS SAYS:

Nice advice, but esoteric. Totally useless for someone to implement. Men need a roadmap, not someone in a black robe to point to the horizon and tell them to "go that way!"

That's like me telling you that if you want to get rich you need to invest in good stocks. That's really not advice at all.

Everyone's got a 'secret' or a solution that's the 'real' secret. Funny how many of these guys I hear from but who aren't out there spreading that philosophy. (Yes, I realize you're a woman.)

But the reality is that 80-90% of all guys don't really know what they're doing enough to make vague advice like "listen to her" or "give her what she wants" work. I sure as hell didn't until I took some time to come up with a more tangible path.

(By the way, giving her what a woman lacks is not the secret. Everyone lacks, and once we fill that lack with something, we move on to the next lack. Human beings are dissatisfied by nature.)

Listening doesn't make a woman attracted to you. Demonstrating your core of confidence will. And you can't GENUINELY listen without the confidence that I teach.

Don't ignore the reality for the ideal. Are you really doing it? Are you living that life?

Are you telling yourself the Truth about your results?

Most guys are giving to GET. That's why they fail.

Learn the reality of how to grow from the inside out instead of desperately trying to satisfy someone else's desires.

Do you want to learn the right way to give, from the inside out?

If you want to learn the advanced methods of handling women with style and power, you need my Secrets of the Alpha Man program.

https://www.alphaconfidence.com

I wrote the book on this subject of Alpha Men (literally and figuratively) and now I want you guys to reap the benefits.

Really, do you want to go through 2006 without this knowledge? Do you want another year of confusion and poor results to stop you from getting what you deserve?

If you're reading this now, and you want to learn the strategies that others have learned, the top-down strategies are exactly what my Alpha Man Program will teach you.

NEWS:

Did you know that Carlos has a Blog?

That's right. You can get dating and attraction advice by subscribing to our news feed, or just visiting the Blog regularly.

You can see it here:

/blog/blog.htm

LIMITING BELIEF:

I am probably not your typical client, since I am in my early forties but have missed a LOT in terms of interactions with women. Therefore my feedback may not be accurate for your typical younger clients. My ultimate goal when I purchased your CDs was to finally get over the hump and start approaching sets of beautiful women (who are rarely alone) in upscale bars and clubs.

In fact, I have come a long way in becoming comfortable around beautiful women in the past year by reading a lot of other PU material and books on the Internet and working hard on my inner game.

I can talk to beautiful women in situations where I have a real excuse to do it, such as talking to the hottest female sales reps in the female make-up sections in upscale fashion stores.

...I just can't seem to summon the courage to get over the hump and finally approach my first set of HBs in a club. Yet I know that like all my previous limiting beliefs, this one will start to lose its power if I just approach that first set.

As an older guy approaching mature women (late twenties and thirties), I can�t use the openers and gimmicks that may be OK for your very young clients who approach very young girls.

Carlos, I assume that you are in your thirties and have approached a lot of mature, intelligent and beautiful women.

Do you have any additional suggestions for a mature man on how to get over the hump and start approaching sets of mature HBs in clubs?

CARLOS:

The first step is to stop letting your age be an issue. It�s only an issue because you�re projecting it on the outside world. Courage to approach younger women is no different than the courage you use to approach any other women. It�s all a head game of perception and projected beliefs.

You're imposing yet another limiting belief on yourself. You programmed yourself without any proof or evidence. Guys do this all the time, running imagined scenarios in their heads about what they THINK will happen.

Right now you have a limiting belief that you weren�t aware of: You�re waiting for the first approaches to destroy that limiting belief. The event doesn�t change your thinking; only your thinking does.

Ask yourself: What will REALLY be different after that first approach?

ANSWER: Only one thing - your thinking about it. You're waiting to see it before you believe it.

In the words of Wayne Dyer, you'll see it when you believe it.

You must go in with a strong frame. Let go of any beliefs that you need a reason to approach women.

Give yourself permission to fail.

And then make up your own excuse to talk to the ones that interest you.

Your "real excuse" is just a mental game. It doesn't exist anywhere in the real world except in your head.

I'll give you a big key to the Game: The best thing you can do is to NOT HESITATE before you approach. That's where 90% of all guys go wrong...

If you think that thinking about it will make it easier, it won't. The mistake is in having to 'summon' courage in the first place. That's starting from a faulty belief system that does not give you the power to overcome your faulty thinking.

And if you want to learn why, you need my Approach Women Now program to help you past this sticking point. I've got exercises and examples galore to get you doing the things you only fear right now....

https://www.alphaconfidence.com/approach/

WHAT DO YOU SAY WHEN SHE SAYS...

Carlos,

I wrote recently regarding a girl that I have been dating and intimate with for about 4 weeks. Your reply was comprehensive and right on target. I will be either ordering the Alpha Male CD's or Telephone Conferencing this week as soon as I decide which will be the most helpful.

In the interim I am trying to fine tune my approach with Stacey. I have been confident and cocky with her and am sure that we will continue dating for a while but a part of my game is weak and I know it. I have searched thru the Dating Black Book and the closest thing I find to this conundrum is in testing. Stacey is a blonde and she is nearly a 9 so she is replete with tests and questions.

For example: Saturday night we set down for a few minutes to watch some tv. She ask "Why do you keep all of the lights on in your house and sometimes leave your closet door open?" Would you mind if I turned off the lights and the ceiling fan?" I respond "Stacey, I really wasn't thinking about the lights but I don't mind if you turn them off but the ceiling fan stays on - If you're cold a blanket is in the bedroom".

Carlos, I really didn't care if the lights are on or if my closet door is open or shut. How can I compromise on those types of things that I don't care about (to make her more comfortable) without looking like that I am capitulating - or should I handle this another way. She also asks questions like "so what do you think about joint credit cards?"

For those "qualification" questions would that be the smile and nod without answering approach?

Thanks for your help.

R

CONTINUED...

______________________

CARLOS:

Test questions come up all the time, and they're not usually even consciously tests.

This chick has probably lived her life getting everything she wanted from mommy and daddy because she was the cutest little girl, and when she grew up she found that there was a plethora of guys out there willing to kiss her ass to stand in her shadow.

Your desire to handle these tests correctly is right on the money.

Just remember that all your responses need to say is that you are coming from a strong and powerful reality - which has nothing to do with hers.

In other words, you are acting to suit yourself, to make yourself happy, and anything she wants to do is fine, but you aren't going to let her needs walk all over you.

You have to be able to step back every so often from the big picture and realize that if all she's going to do is try to modify your environment, you aren't going to be happy with her very long. She's going to be incredibly emotionally draining to be around because you'll always have to feel "on your guard." And that's not how a good relationship feels.

A good relationship feels like the other person "gets you" and you are both getting along without having to constantly break a sweat to make it work.

I give you guys the specific actions to take in the hopes that you'll be able to find the congruent attitude to convey it with. When you get success from it, you get the feeling of success, and the right habit is reinforced.

So smile and nod, but be aware that she's likely to keep pushing these buttons over and over. You may keep coming up with the right "answer," but after a while the question gets to be a real pain in the ass.

Ask yourself if she's worth this kind of drain. (?)

Learn the reality of how to grow from the inside out instead of having to deal with her tests day in and day out.

Do you want to learn the right way to get what you want?

If you want to learn the advanced methods of handling women with style and power, you need my Secrets of the Alpha Man program.

https://www.alphaconfidence.com

I wrote the book on this subject of Alpha Men (literally and figuratively) and now I want you guys to reap the benefits.

Really, do you want to go through 2006 without this knowledge? Do you want another year of confusion and poor results to stop you from getting what you deserve?

If you're reading this now, and you want to learn the strategies that others have learned, the top-down strategies are exactly what my Alpha Man Program will teach you.

The secrets of compelling communication and persuasion are easy to learn.

Most guys don't approach women because they haven't got the SKILLS to APPROACH WOMEN. Once you have them, you'll feel less anxious and you'll actually DO IT.

It's time to learn the TRUTH about women ... and attraction.

It's all about your Inner Game...

Discover your inner Alpha Man - NOW

Click HERE to learn more...