Analysing
Hey [name], Here's your rating and analysis based on the answers you gave to our online quiz. It looks like you have some great opportunities to get more results (with less effort) from your dating experiences!
Question 1:
When you go out to meet women, do you: Your Answer: Jump right in by going into the first bar and talking to the first woman you see...? CONGRATULATIONS! You're on the right track... This is perhaps the best of the three answers you could have chosen. You see, the sooner you get into an actual social interaction with a woman, the less time you have to reflect inward and kill your own confidence. Each of us holds a voice inside that tries to undermine our sense of self-confidence and self-esteem if we allow it to "talk" to us inside our head. The point is that by the time you get to the point where you debate or start to analyze the situation for "suitability" - you're already starting the slippery slide towards talking yourself out of it. Again, too many guys wait to make sure every situation meets his requirements for a perfect and risk-free approach of a woman before he goes in. Remember, if you don't approach, you are guaranteeing that you lose. You don't meet her; she doesn't meet you. But if you at least blast past your own initial anxiety barrier, you'll be conditioning yourself to do the right thing - ACT.
Question 1:
When you go out to meet women, do you: Your Answer: Do a "gut-check" on your emotional state, making sure you're ready...? By selecting this option, you're demonstrating a keen insight into your own emotions and states. For some guys, this is a necessary pre-requisite to talking to a woman. If you find that you're forcing yourself to "grit your teeth" and push past your own internal fear and anxiety, you could be sabotaging your own internal state of relaxation, which can be deadly in the long run. If you suffer from a high level of anxiety when you approach and meet women, you need to work on lowering this tension and improving your relaxed physiology and mental state. A quick gut-check is always a good idea. If you feel 'on,' then go talk to her. If you're feeling a little 'off,' work on getting back to a relaxed and confident state - and then do your approach.
Question 1:
When you go out to meet women, do you: Your Answer: Take a few minutes to run through "affirmations" to get yourself pumped up...? This is a good start, but there's something here you must be careful about... A common misperception in the "self-help" community is that affirmations can help you change your mental state. While it is true that an emotionally charged statement - repeated - can really help you modify your habits, most people leave out that "emotionally charged" part and end up with an affirmation that doesn't ring true. Repeat it all you like, and it still won't work if you don't believe it. Your nervous system (and subconscious mind) is very intelligent, and it can sense when you're not being truthful. If you even SLIGHTLY disbelieve something you're repeating in the hopes that it will just "sink in," well... it won't happen. That's why most people lose the "affirmation" game. Instead, you need to be able to connect yourself to emotional states that really motivate your mind to BELIEVE what you're telling it. Otherwise, you'll just end up more DE-motivated than ever, and you won't get the results you want.
Question 2:
You see a woman in a bar that interests you. Should you: Your Answer: Walk right over and offer to buy her a drink... You may find that this gets you into a very difficult balance of power. While this might seem confident and direct, it really sends the worst message possible. It says: "I'll try to bribe your affections, because I really don't think the man I am is enough." Remember that women are always looking to interpret a man's strength and confidence from his actions. They are passive receivers and interpreters of information, and they will not listen to your words as much as they will pay CLOSE attention to what you DO. When you rush up and offer to buy her a drink, it feels transactional, and does nothing to separate you from the last dozen or so guys who did the EXACT same thing. Also, you're going to wind up berating yourself (and women in general) when you keep expecting a return on all the money you throw into drinks bought for women. Instead, you've got to communicate VALUE to her. This is something I'll show you how to do in my newsletters...
Question 2:
You see a woman in a bar that interests you. Should you: Your Answer: Open with a question like, "Who do you think lies more, men or women?" This is a popular option with many of today's "pickup artists." If you don't know what this is, being a pickup artist is a method of stimulating attraction in women using deliberate psychological tactics for seduction. This opener is used by a great many of them since it has been a popular way to open a conversation with women without seeming too interested in "picking up" on them. Well, that's all fine, but the problem is two-fold: 1) Women have heard openers like this EVERYWHERE lately - primarily due to overuse by guys who are too lazy to come up with their own, and 2) Even when they succeed in using it to start a conversation, questions like this feel weird to most guys, and they fail to get the conversation going because they never really had any real interest in that opener. You must find ways to ask women interesting questions like this, without seeming like you're parroting some technique from a book, AND you must seem authentic doing it.
Question 2:
You see a woman in a bar that interests you. Should you: Your Answer: Ask her a question related to your personal passions and interests...? Congratulations - you've got the right instinct here. By asking her a question related to a passion or interest of your own, you amplify the likelihood that you'll be able to communicate many of the attitudes she's looking for in a man. Namely - excitement and ambition. Many guys are afraid of the vulnerability involved in talking about their own personal interests and passions, and they miss out on a fantastic opportunity to really impress a woman the right way.
Question 3:
You have an uncomfortable lull in the conversation... Do you: Your Answer: Prompt her to tell you something about herself You've got the right idea. By getting a woman to tell you about herself, you bring out her best talent - talking. Seriously, women love to talk about themselves, and everything she talks about gives you endless supplies of information about her that you can use to decide if 1) you're interested in her, and 2) what to talk about next. Uncomfortable silences don't happen when both people are present and talking about something they truly care about. But keep in mind that if she never asks a question about YOU, you're probably with a self-centered woman with low interest in you.
Question 3:
You have an uncomfortable lull in the conversation... Do you: Your Answer: Wait until she says something or turns away Some guys might try this "hard-to-get" stoic attitude, but it seldom works. You never want to LET a woman turn away from you for the same reason that a salesman would never let a prospect entertain the question, "Well, would you like to buy it?" You never want to push a woman to a decision as to whether or not she's romantically interested in you. Instead, you show your flashiest lure (attractive qualities) and then invite her into your fun life by showing her what she's missing. Uncomfortable silences happen usually because a guy is too caught up in his own thinking - which is usually plotting out how to GET what he wants from a woman instead of giving to the interaction.
Question 3:
You have an uncomfortable lull in the conversation... Do you: Your Answer: Fill it with small talk If I had a dollar for every time I saw a guy do this when coaching them. Most guys feel that silence is an vicious enemy they must avoid at all costs. They feel that silence is a judge of whether or not the conversation is going well, and they will blurt out just about anything to avoid having a pause in the chit-chat. Remember, this is a two-way street. When you meet a woman, she has every bit as much responsibility in keeping it alive as you, so taking the responsibility upon yourself only will just serve to make you more anxious on every approach. Relax. Breathe. And remember that she's got just as much to prove to you as you do to her. The best way to keep those silences away is to use questions effectively.
Question 4:
She later asks you, "Are you seeing anyone else?" Do you tell her: Your Answer: "I'm in the process of playing the field..." This is a little bit of a trick question. Sorry about that... You really want to answer in a way that tells her all of these things, but doesn't TELL her. That may seem confusing, but not when you realize how a woman thinks. She doesn't care about your WORDS at all. What she cares about is the WAY you answer this question - your attitude. This is what is fondly referred to as a TEST. What you want to communicate with your attitude is that this question doesn't scare you. (Believe it or not, 95% of guys will stutter, stammer, and hesitate on this question, even though they're asked it all the time.) You also want to communicate that you MIGHT be seeing other women, but that's not up for discussion. Women don't care that you're seeing other women (How can she? She's not in the picture ... yet.) She is most attracted to men who show DISCRETION about the subject. And she is most certainly NOT looking for a desperate guy who's "on the hunt" for a relationship.
Question 4:
She later asks you, "Are you seeing anyone else?" Do you tell her: Your Answer: "I'm dating a lot of women right now..." This is a little bit of a trick question. Sorry about that... You really want to answer in a way that tells her all of these things, but doesn't TELL her. That may seem confusing, but not when you realize how a woman thinks. She doesn't care about your WORDS at all. What she cares about is the way you answer this question - your attitude. This is what is fondly referred to as a TEST. You also want to communicate that you MIGHT be seeing other women, but that's not up for discussion. You never want to directly brag about your "player" lifestyle. Women don't care that you're seeing other women (How can she? She's not in the picture ... yet.) She is most attracted to men who show DISCRETION about the subject. Remember that women want what other women want. We are attracted to what other people want because it is socially PROVEN. This is the aura you want to radiate - that of a desired commodity.
Question 4:
She later asks you, "Are you seeing anyone else?" Do you tell her: Your Answer: "No, I'm single..." This is a little bit of a trick question. Sorry about that... You really want to answer in a way that tells her all of these things, but doesn't TELL her. That may seem confusing, but not when you realize how a woman thinks. She doesn't care about your WORDS at all. What she cares about is the way you answer this question - your attitude. This is what is fondly referred to as a TEST. You do want her to think that you might be interested in her, IF she's the right kind of woman. But you do not SAY this in words. You communicate it in attitude. She will be MUCH more impressed if you ask questions and show that you're picky by your approach. This is called "qualification." After all, why would she even ask this if she wasn't interested in the possibility for herself?
Question 5:
Which of these three topics should you NEVER talk about with a woman? Your Answer: Sex You've probably heard or read somewhere that you should never bring up this topic with a woman on a date. Well, that's just a myth that people pass along because most guys don't know how to get a woman to an aroused and flirty state in their initial conversations. The other reason is because most guys don't understand how to calibrate these topics in conversation so they don't come across as socially clueless. The truth is that you can talk about ANYTHING with a woman if you know HOW to guide her into it. Sex is one of those topics that can and should be worked into conversation, but not in a way that makes her think you are talking about sex with HER. You must keep a veil of social appropriateness on the topic, so that she can still indulge her sexual mind. (Have no doubts about this - Women are INCREDIBLY sexual. Even MORE than men.) You can talk about sex if you keep it about someone else in a situation you're familiar with, not involved with.
Question 5:
Which of these three topics should you NEVER talk about with a woman? Your Answer: Politics You've probably heard or read somewhere that you should never bring up this topic with a woman on a date. Well, that's just a myth that people pass along because most guys don't know how to get a woman to an aroused and flirty state in their initial conversations. The other reason is because most guys don't understand how to calibrate these topics in conversation so they don't come across as socially clueless. The truth is that you can talk about ANYTHING with a woman if you know HOW to guide her into it. Politics is one of those topics that you can talk about, as long as you remove your own beliefs and biases when you bring it in. You can leverage the power of this potential conversational landmine by letting HER talk about it, if she brings it up. Then, you make it a point to get her to talk about HER OWN beliefs - if only to listen closely and determine if she matches YOUR requirements. If she asks you, you need only duck out the question by saying, "Hey, I don't kiss and tell."
Question 5:
Which of these three topics should you NEVER talk about with a woman? Your Answer: Religion You've probably heard or read somewhere that you should never bring up this topic with a woman on a date. Well, that's just a myth that people pass along because most guys don't know how to get a woman to an aroused and flirty state in their initial conversations. The other reason is because most guys don't understand how to calibrate these topics in conversation so they don't come across as socially clueless. The truth is that you can talk about ANYTHING with a woman if you know HOW to guide her into it. Religion is a topic that is often feared in conversation due to the power of its hold on us, and that we don't want a woman thinking about confession BEFORE we've tempted her with the sin, right? Religion actually speaks more to our spirituality, which is something we can all be passionate about. A woman will admire a man who can speak about his own path, his work, and his passions with an emotional confidence. Simply discussing the things that fulfill you in life is as close as you need to get to talking about any deities or beliefs.
Question 6:
Your conversation is coming to an end. She tells you to give her your phone number. Do you: Your Answer: Give her your phone number and tell her when to call you... This might seem like a confident thing to do on the surface, but it will ultimately not payoff in the form of results. Some "gurus" out there would have you believe that playing hard-to-get means that you should actually BE hard to get. But how do most guys end up? Hard to WANT. You can only give a woman your phone number in EXCHANGE. She must have already given you hers FIRST. Many women pull this ploy, making a guy think he's accomplished something by her taking his number because it strokes his ego to think of himself as being "chased." However, she may even want your number out of genuine interest. But the truth is that women are socially programmed to avoid appearing as if they are chasing a man - even if that's exactly what she's doing. This appears "slutty" to her, and it's a self-image she NEVER want's to imagine. It's VERY unlikely any woman is going to call you up. You, as the man, have to be willing to take the leadership role and GET her number so that you can make things happen. I'll tell you more about how to be the assertive man in the weeks ahead.
Question 6:
Your conversation is coming to an end. She tells you to give her your phone number. Do you: Your Answer: Ask her for her phone number instead... Well, this is partially correct. You must ensure that you get her phone number, but just asking for it is not enough to warrant sticking out in her mind. You have to remember that between now and when you call her, she will meet many other guys. (You didn't think you were the only rooster in the henhouse, did you?) Each guy she meets makes a more immediate impression, and pushes you further to the back of her thoughts. No matter how much fun she had with you, you've got a limited shelf life in her thoughts unless you really stand out. The best thing to do is get her number and make sure you make a really strong impression to her. A man with confidence and a persuasive attitude will sneak into the "fantasy" section of her thoughts in a way that will keep her thinking about you for quite a while. I'll show you how to do that in the weeks ahead...
Question 6:
Your conversation is coming to an end. She tells you to give her your phone number. Do you: Your Answer: Tell her to pull out her cell phone and you use it to dial your phone... Yes! This is exactly how you want to stay in the "WOW" section of her thoughts. You have to remember that between now and when you call her, she will meet many other guys. (You didn't think you were the only rooster in the henhouse, did you?) Each guy she meets makes a more immediate impression, and pushes you further to the back of her thoughts. No matter how much fun she had with you, you've got a limited shelf life in her thoughts unless you really stand out. The best thing to do is get her number and make sure you make a STRONG impression to her. A man with confidence and a persuasive attitude will sneak into the "fantasy" section of her thoughts in a way that will keep her thinking about you for quite a while. By making her program you into her phone, you have just: 1) made sure you got her real number, and 2) shown confidence that you won't be one of those wusses that she runs into every day. You're going to stand out in her memory of all the guys she met and gave her number to that week. I'll show you even more ways to make yourself stand out in the weeks ahead...
Question 7:
You walk away with her phone number. Do you: Your Answer: Call her that night... Okay, I'm sure you've seen the movie "Swingers," right? The lead character, Jon Favreau, is in a funk because he lost his girlfriend. He goes out to a club and meets a cute chick, manages to get her number (in spite of himself), and goes home. He then proceeds to leave ten insecure and creepy voicemails on her answering machine because he's in such a wimpy frame of mind. Let's just say, never do this. I actually did the same thing (a long time ago) and just like Jon, I never heard from her ever again. Leave well enough alone and don't call her that night. However, you can TEXT her. That's a good way to stay in her thoughts and ensure she will pickup when you call her the next day. Calling her the same night seems too creepy and weird. No matter how strong the urge, do NOT call her on the same night you meet her. I'll give you some more tips on demonstrating confidence the right way and other strategies to connect with women in the next few weeks.
Question 7:
You walk away with her phone number. Do you: Your Answer: Call her the next day... Now we're on the right track. You'll hear a lot of advisors out there tell you that you want to wait three days or more to make sure she understands how "un-needy" you are. This is a load of garbage. If you have to wait this long, here's what will happen: She's going to be eager on day 1, impatient after day 2, and then make up reasons in her mind why you were a "loser" and a "creep" so she doesn't feel rejected on day 3. Then, by the time you call, it's TOO LATE, amigo. Call her the next day in the early evening, right after work. Remind her of the fun you two had, and then setup the date with her. I'll show you more strategies to connect with women and forge a bond with her in the next few weeks.
Question 7:
You walk away with her phone number. Do you: Your Answer: Call her at least 3 days later, to appear more "hard to get"...? I'm consistently amazed by how many guys hear this advice and think it makes sense. It does, if you are GENUINELY busy and simply couldn't get back to her. But most guys use this as a ploy, pining away for 3 days while they think they're creating a rabid beast that wants him more by the passing minute. Trust me - very few men make enough of an impression on the first meeting to stick in her head for more than a couple days. And you're just hurting yourself by trying to sub-communicate your aloof approach. If you have to wait this long, here's what will happen: She's going to be eager on day 1, impatient after day 2, and then make up reasons in her mind why you were a "loser" and a "creep" so she doesn't feel rejected on day 3. Then, by the time you call, it's TOO LATE, amigo. Call her the next day in the early evening, right after work. Remind her of the fun you two had, and then setup the date with her. I'll show you more strategies to connect with women and forge a bond with her in the next few weeks. Based on your results, you should consider our Alpha Man course for developing your confidence and skills. You can read more about the Alpha Man Secrets HERE... Your friend, Carlos Xuma. We take your privacy VERY seriously. Read our entire privacy policy here. © 2002-2007 DD Publications, All Rights Reserved. By entering your email address you are also requesting and agreeing to subscribe to our free Dating Advice for Men email newsletter. You must be 18 or older to enter. Check out our Free Dating Links Directory here. - Sitemap |