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Has anyone challenged you today?
Put you on the spot?
Made you feel like you were being tooled or ridiculed?
Played a game with your self-confidence?
I've got an UNBELIEVABLE newsletter for
you today, because this topic goes WAY beyond just pickup
and attracting women.
It speaks to the heart of who you are as a MAN.
And I'm going to show you - right now - how to blow
out the most common "Alpha" game
there is between guys.
Read on...
QUESTION ABOUT HANDLING SOCIAL GAMES:
Carlos ...In the past few months I've noticed that there are special dynamics
that go on when interacting with guys, especially in front of women. It
seems that there is always one (sometimes two if it is a large group) alpha
male in the group. And of course, the female is attracted to him. I find
that I have a strong desire to be the alpha male, but am not always able
to be.
For example, I'll be bringing value to the group... when all of a sudden,
one of the males tries to screw with my game by calling me names or making
fun of me, and the thing is that honestly I am
sensitive, and sometimes I can't hide the fact that it annoys me or hurts
me, and therefore I can't come back with a stronger frame and out-alpha
this guy back.
For example, the yesterday, I walked up to a group of my college friends,
and asked a random question about where our class was being held...
As soon as I asked the question to the group, one
of the guys says, "You're
gay!" And then everyone laughed.
Now, it didn't bother me too much at first, because I'm a confident guy,
and I don't usually let things like this throw me off, or at least I try
not to... but when I just let the laughter pass and kind of rolled my eyes,
and asked the question again, he did the same thing again even louder,
therefore making the group laugh even louder again at me.
This time, I just got pissed off, though probably not visibly (at least to
the guys, because they're not as good at reading body language, and there
were two girls in the group, and about 4 or 5 guys, just so you get a better
picture).
I knew that since I was pissed off, I was already in a
weak position, one of reaction, and I tried to make some sort of comeback,
but my frame was already thrown off, and basically he had succeeded in doing
exactly what he wanted to.
So I just walked away, angry as hell and wondering
why I didn't just clobber him right on the spot... which yeah, on second
thought was probably not a good idea anyway.
So my question, now that you have a better picture of my full situation,
is how do I avoid being out-alphaed, if you know what I mean? How can I
be a leader instead of the guy that gets made fun of?
You're the Man, man.
-Aaron
CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:
Yowza... I totally know where
you're coming from on this one...
I remember being tooled like this by guys in the past and getting REALLY frustrated by it.
There was this guy I remember way back when in high school that used to spray
kids at random with the fire extinguisher in the halls. The one thing he
counted on was that no one would call him on it because he was a big guy.
He used to laugh and wink at the girls when he did it.
Same kind of juvenile behavior.
But there IS a cure for this kind of social shaming, and it's something you
can use right away to reclaim your inner and outer Alpha Man Confidence.
Because this situation happens to guys at every age.
I used to have constant issues with a guy who would make sly comments whenever
he felt threatened or intimidated in meetings.
He was in his fifties, believe it or
not.
There's a realization you must have about
the dynamic in groups like this, and especially when guys start to interact
in front of women.
First of all, despite what you're saying to the contrary, you ARE getting
shaken up by this guy. Hey, most guys would get a little pissed, especially
when group dynamics create an uncomfortable
situation.
And he's trying to embarrass you in front of the women
in the group. I used to get very unsettled when I would be talking to guys
in front of a group of women, because inevitably, they would try to make
me look like a dork so that they could look better.
(Remember: This is the universal game of the Weak and Feeble - attack someone
with underhanded insults to lower your social value and to raise his own.)
This is the "pecking order."
The typical response most
guys have to being picked on is to react and let it get worse
and worse, and their anger gets stronger and stronger.
And, yes, these guys will probably fall to the dark side.
The dark side is when you start responding by finding someone else you
can push around or tool to establish your place on the social
ladder.
I wish I could say that we - as 'intelligent' human beings - have overcome
this kind of behavior, but we haven't. It's part of the way people are.
(Even women have their own pecking order.)
So the reality is that you are letting
them get to you because you believe that they are somehow being effective
in lowering your social status.
When you get shaken up like this, you will find it very
tough to come up with an intelligent comeback or witty response to put
him in his place.
That was always the worst part for me. I'd get five
steps away from a situation where someone had made me look like a fool,
and THEN I'd come up with the perfect thing to say... "I should have
said....!"
TOO LATE.
And it's because your mind can't be resourceful when you're in an anxious
state like this. The worst time to try to be at your best is when you believe
you're at your worst.
So what's the cure?
Have a STRATEGY for these situations prepared in advance.
Here's the 3-step strategy.
Social Skill 1) Recognize the pattern of the situation before you get into
it. And if you see this pattern developing, avoid it.
Just like a trained fighter learns how to recognize the patterns of his opponent,
he also watches for their strengths and avoids them.
If you see a social situation where there is a mixed group gathered together
like this, be on ALERT. Especially if you know their personalities.
I'm not saying avoid them right away, because that's social
suicide, too. If you get into that habit, you're learning how to avoid
rather than confront and overcome.
Just know the temperature of the water before you jump in.
By the way, I teach many of these strategies in my Power
Social Skills program.
You can go read more here...
Now for the next strategy...
Social Skill 2) Don't block. Instead, REDIRECT.
When you're on the spot, and someone is blowing
off your "serious" question
or request, the more you stay serious or you push to get your result while
they're doing this to you, the more you will look
foolish.
When someone punches at me in the martial arts, I'm conditioned not to block
and stop their punch, because that's force meeting force. What I do is
deflect it gently to the side so that they miss me and wind up hurting
themselves.
This is the fundamental principle of Aikido, by
the way. If you've ever seen Steven Seagal in one of his early movies, like "Marked
for Death",
you can see this principle in action.
The same principles hold true in conversation. If
someone is mocking or ridiculing, you will not be able to overcome them
with "Yeah, ha-ha, okay, BUT seriously..."
Because they know that they can get a bigger laugh
at your expense by making you the "straight man."
In almost 90% of situations where I see someone trying
to "make" a conversation more serious, the others will use it as an opportunity
to push the humor further because it's funnier when there is resistance.
And you look the fool...
You've probably seen or experienced this yourself many
times...
If you want a perfect movie example of this one,
watch the first "Back
to the Future" movie when George McFly (the dad) is in the hallway at
school and he's got the "kick me" sign on his back. He tries to
get them to stop, but fails miserably.
So when they come at you with something like that, I usually
totally blow out their energy with the power of confusion.
Here's how this
would work for you asking about the location of your class:
He says: "You're gay."
You say: "You're an iguana."
He says: "Huh?"
You say: "That's what SHE said."
Then you turn right to one of the guys that is the "silent follower" in
that group - the one most likely to just do as he's told - and you don't
miss a beat: You ask him, "Dude, where's that class meeting?"
Ignore anyone else, and put the social pressure on this
one guy specifically.
BOOM!
You've just blown out the most common pecking order game there is.
This is a DEADLY effective tactic against
a group, because the one thing the group relies on is that no one has individual
accountability for the one guy who is mocking you.
The others feel like they can be the laughing audience
because there's only
one guy who's playing you like this, and they are counting on
you defending yourself against him. They're not counting on you holding
one of them responsible
for being a separate person with a mind of his own.
And this process is easy because even if you're flustered,
you can come up with random crap like this no problem. Just let your scattered
thoughts work for you.
Is this cool or what!
I love deciphering and destroying guys
on this kind of game, because 99% of them have NO social skills at all,
and it's so easy to annihilate their game, if you know the Power Social
Skills.
And finally...
Social Skill 3) Have your backup plan ready to roll
- Expose him.
No social skill is complete without a backup, and this one is NO different.
There's always a chance that this guy will desperately
flail around to save his social image. Hey, the strategy I just gave you
actually does the perfect thing - it let's him take the
easy out and save face. You haven't directly insulted him, so he can only
keep going and make himself look worse.
As the saying goes, the more rope you give them, the more they have to hang
themselves with.
Remember that these guys have no real social skills beyond playing out their
mocking as a social strategy.
So if he keeps it up, trying to win by persistence, your backup plan is to
call him on it.
EXPOSE HIS GAME.
Calmly. Confidently. NO emotion. And with no intent to harm.
You simply expose what he's doing in front of everyone, which destroys his
ability to make you look bad.
HIM: "Yeah, dude, but you're still gay..." (Trying
desperately to get a laugh so that he doesn't feel his value lowered.
He looks insecurely at his buddies one-by-one to see if they are still responding.
Pitiful.)
YOU: (Start trying
to hold back your laughter.) "WOW, that's pretty
clever. You're trying to get a laugh at my expense." (Look impressed
with him here.) "Hey, look, you keep going, dude. I just know that
eventually you'll impress ... uh... someone. Please, keep going. Anyway,
while you're doing that, I'll be somewhere else. Later, chode."
Walk away, laughing and shaking your head.
Hell, you should even wink at one of the girls to let
her know that you know how
the game is won.
Take my word for this... You do this sort of thing every time
- refusing to react to him and acting on your own - he will give
up.
He's counting on you to play the game. If you don't resist him, he has no
energy to use against you.
It's like the little Chinese guy who's attacked
by the hulking 290 pound weightlifter. Time after time, the small Asian
man ducks, steps aside, parries, the punches and strikes of the big dude.
The monster muscle-man throws himself into dumpsters
and cars and brick walls. Eventually, he catches his breath and looks at the
5-foot tall man who hasn't taken so much as a scrape and says, "Okay... I'll let
you go... this time."
Who REALLY won?
We all know who the victor was, and it doesn't need to be shouted out with
taunts and poor sportsmanship dancing in the end-zone.
Yeah, you could respond to his "You're gay" comment with something
funny to banter with him, like: "You looking for a date? I'm not interested,
man."
But then you get caught up in a whole new game of being Mr. On the Spot Witty
Guy. And that takes a lot of practice.
Just shut his game down so the other women there know who's boss.
I used to have SO many problems with other people and their silly little
games like this.
I used to get mad at them for using them
on me, especially when it seemed like women were playing me all the time...
Until I realized that it wasn't their fault
that I was getting pecked and mocked right out of social situations. It
was my own fault.
A coach once explained to a reporter why his team
didn't win the Big Game. He pointed the blame: "The rain just made
it real tough on us," he
said.
The reporter asked, "Didn't it rain on the
other team, too?"
Hmmm....
I figured out that it was MY fault for not learning how to play the other
guy better than they were playing ME.
And not to make him look bad or stomp him into the dirt, either. That's not
necessary.
I realized I could get the Win-Win that would make both of
us come out ahead. That way I get my personal victory, and I
keep the good will of someone who doesn't know social skills as well as
I do.
(And let's be honest, we don't need any more enemies, do we?)
This game I've just broken down for you is just one of
the hundreds that you'll encounter in any given week of your life. Do you
know all the variations?
If you want to start winning like this in ALL of your social encounters -
whether it's with dorky guys or hot women - you need POWER social skills.
I created a very cool program that covers all the bases I just did for you
on this game - only on another 130+ games that you need to know to win
in your social life.
I go through each one with a game card to show you:
- What to look for so you recognize each of them before you get caught up
in them and made to look like the fool...
- What the personality type is of each person that uses
this game, and what their goal is - so you know what they're looking
for, and how to help them get it without having to get caught up in the
silly game...
- How to handle each situation specifically, including your desired objective
and WHAT YOU NEED TO SAY to effectively defuse the game and get things
going the way you want it to...
And much MUCH more...
Really, if you've every said to yourself "I'm so sick of these games...!" then
you owe it to yourself to take a look at this exciting information...
Plus, I'm giving away some really cool training videos and tutorials on that
page as well...
Take your first small step toward becoming the man you want
to be... CLICK HERE
I'll talk to you again soon,
Your Friend,
P. S.: You want to
pay attention to the subtle indicators going on in social situations - and
it all starts with the basics of how people are using social skills to their
advantage. Now you can understand them and win them, too...
Get Power Social Skills...
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